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A change in your walking gait could be an early sign of dementia. Especially if it’s a change caused by not knowing where in the hell you walked to.

Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stefon Diggs was stranded in the city after his Ferrari got stuck in the snow. It was towed to safety, immediately after two Bills fans jumped off the top of it and through a folding table stored in the tow truck.

Novak Djokovic remains in a “deportation hotel” in Australia pending a determination whether he can play in the Australian Open. Djokovic refused vaccination, but Australia reversed its decision to allow him entry, so it’s technically a double-fault.

A new language has been created in the Pacific Northwest, called Protactile, used by deaf/blind people to communicate through touch. The first phrase ever developed was “I want to talk to you. Did you wash your hands?”.

Nicolas Cage and wife Riko Shabata are expecting a baby, which he’s expected to also surrender to the IRS for back payment of debt.

The makers of Nintendo racing game Mario Kart said the next installment – Mario Kart 9 – could come as early as this year with “a new twist”. They wouldn’t elaborate further except to say that you can drive a hearse for the first time.

The NFL is exploring contingency plans to move the Super Bowl from California to Texas if Los Angeles imposes further COVID restrictions. Halftime performers Snoop and Dr Dre say they could rap with masks on, with no change in white viewers understanding them.

U.S. airlines cancelled over 1,000 flights for the 12th straight day. Spirit Airlines is putting some cancelled short-flight passengers on Greyhound buses and betting they won’t really know the difference.

Aaron Babbitt – husband of deceased January 6th rioter Ashli Babbitt – said she wouldn’t have died if he was there with her because he would have “picked up on red flags”. Like, for instance, the “stop or I’ll shoot” red flag.

A November letter from imprisoned Subway spokesman Jared Fogle was leaked to the media. Fogle wrote that he works out regularly, and is in the best shape of his life. He signed off by wishing the recipient good luck in her 7th grade Christmas pageant.

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China is accusing the United States of spreading fear about the Wuhan coronavirus. Meanwhile, North Korea’s Kim Jong Un announced he cured it.

A newly discovered cannabis compound has been shown to be 30 times more potent than THC, the psychoactive agent in marijuana. It was discovered when a lab technician smoked Snoop Dogg’s hair.

A new video showed that Beyonce and Jay-Z sat through Demi Lovato’s performance of the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. The couple said that’s because somebody usually does a rendition just for them in their luxury box.

The Kansas City Chiefs defeated the San Francisco 49ers to win the Super Bowl. Chiefs coach Andy Reid addressed the media, saying “I’ve gotta do a better job…that one’s on me and my staff” before being reminded that he won.

Google Photos is testing an $8/month subscription service where they send you prints of randomly selected photos. You also have the option of selecting categories like “pets”, “landscapes”, or “the neighbor’s bedroom window”.

Stephen King announced he’s leaving Facebook. It only took him 450 pages.

Six passengers were shot early Monday morning on a Greyhound bus headed from Los Angeles to San Francisco, effectively ending the sing-a-long.

Bernie Sanders said, if elected, he’ll legalize marijuana in all 50 states on Day 1 of his presidency, to the delight of people too baked to bother voting.

Website TheDailyMeal rated Duff’s of Buffalo the best chicken wings in the United States. A spokesperson for Buffalo Wild Wings responded to the article, saying “we’re sorry your tester got so sick.”

Drug kingpin El Chapo’s daughter, Alejandrina, married Edgar Cazares in Mexico. The bride wore a white lace dress, a tiara, and a four-kilo dowry in her bra.

 

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A school district in Niagara County, New York paid a $10,000 settlement to a 10-year-old girl who suffered frostbite while snowshoeing in gym class. Cases are pending from other students who broke their legs warming up doing jumping jacks with the snowshoes on.

The Wall Street Journal reported that lawyers for President Trump made a $130,000 ‘hush payment’ in 2016 to porn star Stormy Daniels in exchange for her silence regarding a meeting with him. No word on how much was paid to the President’s fluffer.

A 55-year-old Texas woman accused of fatally shooting her husband had recently done an Internet search for “how to kill someone and not get caught.” She then started a search for ‘how to permanently delete browser hist–‘ but then got distracted and searched ‘gun dealers’.

President Trump completed his first physical exam since taking office. The physician declared Trump to be “in excellent physical condition”, disappointing millions.

A Florida man was attacked by a bear in his backyard, since it’s believed alligators have the week off.

Sea lions have reportedly attacked four swimmers in San Francisco Bay. The sea lions bit the swimmers, before telling them this spot was ‘locals only’ and returning to surfing.

A judge in Pennsylvania ordered an Amish family to connect their outhouse to the local municipal sewer system, even though the electric motor required to do so violates their religious beliefs. The Yoder family has yet to comply, while saying it’s dangerous having to hold it while they buggy to their cousin’s outhouse two towns over.

Police chased down a Greyhound bus after receiving a 911 call from a passenger claiming that someone on the bus had a gun and was threatening them. Cops eventually apprehended the man, and the remaining passengers resumed their singalong.

WWE woman superstar wrestler Paige announced her retirement, citing a neck injury. She had hoped to return to the ring, but WWE specialists said that her neck isn’t responding to treatment with folding chairs and piledrivers.

A 20-year-old Florida man came forward to claim the $451 million Mega Millions jackpot. Women at his community college told local reporters that they’d never noticed until now just how cute he is.

Flu activity in the U.S. is reported as widespread in every state except for Hawaii. Emergency rooms say that they’re overwhelmed with visitor volume – but are thankful that people without health insurance are probably toughing it out at home.