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Caitlyn Parker, 29, wed 41-year-old radio star and American Idol mentor Bobby Bones, then jumped them later that night.

Right-wing student group Turning Point USA gave ‘Adult VIP’ status to porn star Brandi Love to attend their conference, then revoked it amidst mounting pressure from conservatives. Love was there to promote her latest video, ‘Mounting Pressure’.

Three people reportedly died of carbon monoxide poisoning inside a trailer at a country music festival in Michigan. Country singers plan to memorialize the victims, just as soon as they can find a word that rhymes with ‘monoxide’.

Megan Thee Stallion is the first rapper to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s swimsuit issue. The decision was announced once the magazine found a way to make the cover an inch wider.

Ticket sales for Marvel’s ‘Black Widow’ dropped 67% in its second week, as theater owners complained that home rentals on Disney+ hurt attendance, and that they’ll have to store $10 buckets of popcorn until Xmas movie season.

New research suggests cognitively stimulating activities can delay Alzheimer’s symptoms by up to five years. As a result, researchers suggest watching Jeopardy! instead of Wheel Of Fortune.

CNN announced the launch of streaming service CNN+, so people can now angrily shut off computers & streaming devices in addition to cable boxes.

A fisherman caught and photographed a rare blue lobster, then tossed it back in the ocean so that it can hopefully get laid.

The Tokyo Olympic Village furnished athletes quarters with cardboard beds, supposedly to discourage sex. There are questions as to whether or not they’ll work, since some athletes are complaining their room smells like sweat and wet cardboard.

Disney Parks unveiled changes to its Jungle Cruise ride to eliminate racist cultural depictions. They say if visitors still want to see & hear racism, they can listen to the Trump robot in the Hall Of Presidents.

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China has instituted a ban on tiger and rhino parts in medicine. China will still sell Tiger Balm because it contains no animal parts; however, the Chinese government has issued a nationwide recall of Vicks Rhino Rub.

A five-year-old boy was “heartbroken” when Johannesburg airport security confiscated a stuffed toy snake that he had received from his grandmother. He was heartbroken that grandma wasn’t going to give him the ten grand she promised for delivering the stuffed snake to her contact at the child’s destination.

Melania Trump publicly called for the dismissal of Mira Ricardel, deputy national security adviser. Ricardel reportedly clashed with Mrs. Trump’s security team, and also showed up to a Be Best luncheon wearing the exact same dress & shoes as the First Lady.

Juul agreed to stop selling flavored vape pods in stores and to cease all social media promotion of their nicotine-laced e-cigarettes. The FDA asked Juul to limit access of its product to minors to make it easier for young people to find and use Marlboros.

Scientists in Europe are contemplating a new way to measure a kilogram — moving away from utilization of Le Grand K, a physical sample kilogram that could lose mass as it ages — and toward a new way, just letting coke dealers say how heavy it ought to be.

Donald Trump and his legal team are reportedly meeting this week to give written answers to questions submitted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller. “What’d you get for number one?” asked Trump to everyone several seconds after the meetings started.

A Texas woman who traveled to Mexico to save money on plastic surgery for her nose suffered a cardiac arrest while under anesthesia and is now on life support.  According to her family, the nose job didn’t turn out so great, either.

A man has been banned from all Disney theme park properties for holding up a sign reading ‘Trump 2020’ while riding Splash Mountain at Disney World. Disney officials said the guy could still visit A Small World and the Hall of Presidents, but he figured he might as well just be banned.

Netflix is testing cheaper, mobile-only plans for subscribers who prefer binge-watching on their phones in work meetings.

Guy Fieri cooked dinner for first responders of California’s massive Camp Fire wildfire, but their collective efforts couldn’t stop the destruction of almost all the homes in Flavortown.

 

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Donald Trump was added to the Hall of Presidents at Disney World in Florida. His big line is “no puppet..you’re the puppet” to the other puppets, then he sits down and watches six hours of TV.

Toys R Us is said to be closing up to 100 stores. Once the locations are announced, parents are invited to bring their toddlers in for one final meltdown for old time’s sake.

Reverend Gregory Greiten – a Catholic priest in Milwaukee – came out as gay, telling his parishioners that he exclusively doesn’t have sex with men.

  • After making the announcement at mass, he received a standing ovation, except for the altar boys, who he’d asked to keep kneeling.
  • Greiten said he came out because he was ‘weary of holding it in.’ “You’re telling me!” said a wisecracking man that Greiten is totally not having sex with.

Facebook says that the U.S. Government is making more secret requests for user data than ever before; proving if there’s anything Facebook is worse at than designing user settings, it’s understanding what ‘secret’ means.

Apple AirPods are sold out for the Holidays. So you can either wait until they’re back in stock, or suck it up and reuse the pair you fished out after they dropped from your ears into the toilet.

Shares of Twitter are up 6% this week and 40% this year, as takeover rumors continue to swirl around the company. Facebook is reportedly not interested, even though it would lead to massive productivity increases from users not having to copy their Facebook status into a Tweet.

Driver Danica Patrick announced that she is no longer together with longtime boyfriend and fellow NASCAR driver Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. Insiders say their relationship had been running under a caution flag for some time, until it was just the pits.

Sarah Palin’s oldest son, Track Palin, was arrested for domestic violence after getting into a fight with his father, Todd, over a truck. The younger Palin had apparently been drinking, and the fight left his father bloodied and covered in Track marks.

Reddit officially launched its new mobile tools for users, allowing commenting and chat for the dozen or so Reddit users that actually leave their house.