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New Jersey enacted a law requiring all police officers wear body cameras. Then they passed another law requiring the cameras be worn with the lens facing outward.

Secret Service agents are reportedly being asked if they would consider transferring to Mar-A-Lago after January 20th. “Do we have to guard him too?” asked several candidates.

Dave Chappelle convinced Netflix to remove Chappelle’s Show from the service because he doesn’t collect royalties from it. Netflix also removed Rob Schneider’s comedy special – not because Schneider asked, but because it’s the right thing to do.

Jersey Shore’s Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino and his wife are expecting a baby, ‘The Accident’.

Donald Trump plans to attend a Pennsylvania State Legislature hearing in Gettysburg on the state’s election processes at 12:30pm. Then he’ll ask for the Gettysburg Address of the nearest McDonald’s.

A mysterious metal monolith was found in a remote part of the Utah desert. Its purpose and origin were unknown until a jackrabbit came along and recharged his cell phone with it.

Joe Biden will address the nation on Thanksgiving about the alarming rise in COVID-19 cases, then flip a switch that lights a christmas tree and keeps his pacemaker running.

Thousands of prisoners in California State Penitentiaries received fraudulent claims for unemployment benefits, costing the state $20 million. The good news is the high-quality ingredients they purchased made 2020’s toilet wine the best vintage ever.

Scotland became the first country to require free menstrual products in public facilities nationwide. The costs to the nation are expected to be offset by an economic boom in tennis, horseback riding and bicycling.

The audio book for Alex Trebek’s memoir ‘The Answer Is..Reflections on My Life‘ was snubbed by the Grammys in the Best Spoken Word Album category. Grammy officials said the title was not submitted in the form of a question.

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An Air Force A-10C Warthog “unintentionally released” a rocket in the Arizona desert between Phoenix and Tucson. Multiple displaced jackrabbit families applied to FEMA for disaster relief.

Severe lung illnesses in e*cigarette users may be tied to an ingredient in cannabis-containing vape products, according to nurses working the medical tent at Phish shows.

Tom Brady expressed his support for USWNT soccer star Carli Lloyd becoming a kicker in the NFL, adding that he’d show her how to make the balls easier to kick by letting a little air out of them.

Kanye West purchased Wyoming’s Monster Lake Ranch for $14 million. Wyoming had been considered one of the few remaining safe spaces from Kanye’s music.

An American Airlines mechanic allegedly sabotaged a jet carrying 150 passengers so he could collect overtime fixing his own damage. He’ll be tried separately from the catering service who sabotaged the passengers’ stomachs when they bought food on board.

A 74-year-old Indian woman now holds the record for “world’s oldest mom” after giving birth to twins following in-vitro fertilization. The twins also broke a record, becoming the youngest humans to speak a complete sentence saying “get me out of there.”

Retired NFL star Marshawn Lynch said if he were NFL Commissioner, he’d legalize marijuana for players. And cheerleaders. And fans. And pretty much everyone.

Kylie Jenner told Ellen Degeneres that her sisters “tease her” about being a billionaire, and about having to learn serious math to know, like, how much a billion is.

Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced he will no longer run for U.S. President, saying he suffered a back injury that required three surgeries, caused by carrying his money around.

Facebook officially launched Facebook Dating – its long-awaited companion product to Facebook Cheating.

Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, officially debuted new blond highlights on her kids’ first day of school. The world is now ready to learn goofy new British slang terms for blond hair.