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A woman claims she quit eating breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and lost 127 lbs. However, she still drinks the coffee to maintain the giant hole in her stomach that allowed her to lose the weight.

Vanna White extended her Wheel Of Fortune contract for 2 years – ending intense negotiations where producers were forced to choose between White and pressing keys on a computer.

Officials in Chester County, Pennsylvania are promising “upgrades” to the prison where convicted murderer Danelo Cavalcante escaped. They’re promising big screen TVs, new mattresses and Grubhub deliveries, so prisoners will want to stay put.

Google announced a Taylor Swift partnership, where 89 puzzles in its search function can be solved to reveal ‘vault’ tracks from the Taylor’s Version rerecording of 1989 – and receive 1,989 targeted ads from companies using personal information they entered.

The wreckage of a $100 million F-35 fighter jet – which crashed after the pilot ejected – was located in Williamsburg County, South Carolina. Officials plan to question the pilot after searching the cockpit and finding empty White Claw cans and a condom wrapper.

The Federal Trade Commission is requiring Epic Games – publisher of online game Fortnite – to reimburse $520 million to parents whose children bought in-game gear without their permission. However, parents can’t get reimbursed if their kids are 30.

A new study published in the journal Obesity claims exercising between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. is optimal for reducing midriff fat. The study is published in Obesity’s Annual Cheeseburger Issue.

Bijou Philips filed for divorce from husband/actor Danny Masterson, who’s currently serving a 30-year prison sentence for rape. Masterson announced his engagement to a fellow Scientologist he just met in his cell.

Reacting to the U.S. Senate’s rules update to allow casual clothing in the chamber, Maine Republican Susan Collins, 70, said she plans to wear a bikini. Then the Senate updated the apparel rules again to allow blindfolds.

A 29-year-old naked man covered in feces after taking LSD, THC & cocaine, jumped into a pit at the construction site of the new Buffalo Bills stadium. The man was treated at a hospital and charged with criminal trespass. The Buffalo Bills announced they’re looking for a new backup quarterback.

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TSA agents at Philadelphia International Airport stopped a flight attendant from clearing security with a loaded handgun. Then they fired the gun to subdue an elderly woman attempting to pass security with 5 ounces of tea.

Philadelphia International Airport opened its first-ever gym – where area travelers waiting for their flight can hang their jackets and park their luggage.

Donald Trump’s personal secretary Molly Michael told investigators he routinely used classified documents as scrap paper to write her notes. Special Counsel Jack Smith found a draft of a nuclear treaty with Iran with “what color s your underware?” on it.

Following intense criticism from actors and writers, Drew Barrymore reversed her decision to restart The Drew Barrymore Show. In its place, executive producers have ordered a full season of Navage nasal irrigation system infomercials.

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene criticized Senator John Fetterman for his choice of clothing during legislative sessions. Rep. Lauren Boebert offered to help him change his pants.

Walt Disney World was partially closed after a bear was sighted in a tree on park property. Wildlife officials were called in to capture and move the bear, but only after they were sure it wasn’t going to sing a song about bear necessities.

Elon Musk indicated he plans to charge all users a fee for X (formerly Twitter) – effectively turning millions of X users into Ex Users.

Phil Mickelson posted a thread on X detailing his addiction to gambling. Mickelson received many messages of support, including from Tiger Woods who offered his help getting Mickelson addicted to sex, instead.

Google announced a major expansion of its Bard artificial intelligence platform. Although, Bard artificial intelligence actually expanded itself but Google is too terrified to let anyone know it.

Scott Burke, a retired surgeon, was arrested after his yacht was seized amidst reports of parties with dozens of sex workers filming pornographic movies. Investigators also found 43 grams of cocaine and other party drugs. The boat, its contents and occupants will now be used by the Make A Wish Foundation.

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A Tennessee Air National Guardsman was arrested after applying online to be a contract killer for $5,000. Worse, the hiring manager informed him they were focusing on more qualified candidates but would keep his resume on file.

An artificial intelligence program profiled on 60 Minutes allegedly taught itself a foreign language it didn’t know. It was then offered a scholarship to tutor the entire Ohio State football team.

The United States now averages 1.5 mass shootings per day. The number is expected to rise as more people use their tax refunds on AR-15s.

Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee deleted a post sharing commentary from network OAN questioning the behavior of the trans community. Then Lee posted an apology, said he’s not transphobic, and called himself the “gayest motherf**er around”. That post was then deleted after Lee was challenged by Boy George.

Sega is acquiring the maker of Angry Birds, for $775 million, because nobody told them they could just download it for free.

Phantom Of The Opera closed on Broadway after 35 years and 13,981 shows – entertaining over 6 million women, gay men, and straight husbands wondering how many Yankees games they could have seen instead for the ticket price.

SpaceX cited technical issues in postponing the launch of its most powerful rocket, Starship. Elon Musk said once they’re fixed, “nothing’s gonna stop us now”.

A new study finds women still do more domestic chores than men in households where they earn more money. When men try to step it up by doing the cooking, the women end up spending more time taking kids to the doctor or restaurants.

Senator John Fetterman returned to on-site work in Washington, DC following hospitalization for depression. Meanwhile, 89-year-old Senator Dianne Feinstein told colleagues she plans to return in time for President Obama’s lighting of the White House Christmas Tree.

The mother of a teen YouTube star is being sued for physical and emotional abuse of young content creators, including sending her daughter’s underwear to an unknown man. The plaintiffs claim the shipments to Japan have cost them thousands.