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Kid Rock scolded audience members for recording his show in Nashville, calling them “f*cking f@ggots with their iPhones out”. He closed the show wishing everyone a Happy Pride Month.

The FBI used undercover agents to convince criminals to use a messaging app, ANOM, that they created, resulting in 800 arrests in 16 countries. They hope for similar results capturing lonely crime lords with their new dating app.

The Dept of Justice recovered $2.3 million paid by fuel conglomerate Colonial Pipeline to ransomware hackers. President Biden cancelled a planned celebratory news conference after he was told he couldn’t pose behind a table stacked with Bitcoins.

FBI agents were able to retrieve the Colonial Pipeline ransom by getting the password to the hackers Bitcoin wallet – ‘Bitcoin1’.

McDonald’s CEO claims higher wages are accelerating the company’s move to more automated restaurants, where digital assistants take orders, and robots forget to put french fries in the bag.

Kim Kardashian’s security team is investigating an anonymous package sent to her, containing a diamond engagement ring and Plan B birth control pills. Kim’s first goal is to figure out if it came from a handsome rapper or NBA star.

‘General Hospital’ star Kristen Storms said she underwent brain surgery. Now that her brain is repaired, she said she’s unable to enjoy soap operas.

Paula Abdul underwent ‘breast revision’ surgery. Abdul said that, as a dancer with a short frame, larger implants were harder on her back, and scuffing her tap shoes.

Fastly, a content delivery network that speeds load times for websites, crashed Tuesday morning, causing widespread Internet service outages. Fastly worked quickly & diligently to fully & completely remedy sites loading slowly or incompletely.

French President Emanuel Macron was slapped in the face during a public appearance. He was pulled away, then handed a pistol so he and the man could complete their duel.

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Dozens of people were killed in a stampede during a funeral procession for Maj. General Qassim Suleimani in Iran. Officials blamed the first-come, first-served post funeral buffet lunch.

Jury selection begins today in the Harvey Weinstein trial. The judge refused Weinstein’s request to interview prospective jurors in a hotel room wearing a bathrobe.

Zhenmeat, a Beijing start-up, is attempting to launch a meat-substitute business in China. starting with a plant-based pork substitute. They plan other products, but say it’s hard turning plants into chicken feet.

To combat ‘deepfake’ trickery, Facebook said it will remove videos that are heavily manipulated by artificial intelligence. Facebook will continue to allow videos that are manipulated by no intelligence.

7-Eleven terminated a franchise in Japan because the owner closed on New Year’s Day. 7-Eleven found out the franchisee closed after hearing local emergency rooms failed to see a single patient on January 1st who was food poisoned by microwave burritos.

A magnitude 6.4 earthquake struck Puerto Rico. President Trump is meeting with disaster response officials to ensure they have enough paper towels.

Owners of the Nintendo Switch gaming console filed a class action lawsuit, claiming the system’s controllers are defective. They’re seeking replacement controllers and compensation for the time-out they got for throwing a tantrum when they lost a game.

Amidst stories of predecessor Gregg Easterbrook flirting with female employees,  McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski is taking steps to change the company’s party-like executive culture, starting by stripping Ronald of Chief Executive Clown status.

Samsung debuted a new TV that rotates to optimize vertical images and videos from smartphones. They say landscape mode is still optimal for looking at breast pics & videos, but that vertical is best for penises.

Pill bottles full of bedbugs were found in a Pennsylvania Walmart changing room. Police don’t know if it was an act of sabotage, or a botched delivery to the Mattress Firm next door.