By |

An Idaho man murdered and ate a 70-year-old victim because he thought eating the body would “cure his brain”. Also, the victim’s brain was found in a smokehouse where the killer was curing it.

Google Drive will notify users of illegal files they’re storing on the service. Most people will be notified by Google; pedophiles will be notified by the cops breaking down their front door.

The newest dating trend is “hardballing” – telling partners early in relationships what expectations are in terms of monogamy & marriage. Young men are reportedly excited when told women are hardballing, then sad when they learn what it means.

Sarah Palin told a conservative crowd at a Turning Point USA conference that she’ll only get a COVID vaccine “over her dead body” – confirming the general public’s thoughts about Sarah Palin’s vaccine knowledge.

A Tennessee middle school teacher who’d won Teacher Of The Year honors in 2020 was arrested for molesting two 14-year-olds. Other Tennessee teachers condemned his actions, saying he should have waited two years and proposed instead.

Tiger Woods & son Charlie finished 2nd in the PNC Championship to the team of John Daly & son John II, as the sorta-recovering alcohol addict edged out the sorta-recovering sex addict.

Charlie Woods didn’t stick around for the post-tourney press conference, because there’s a hostess at Chuck E. Cheese he has his eye on, whose shift ended at 5pm.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Tom Brady, at the end of a shutout loss to the New Orleans Saints, was shown on the sidelines throwing & breaking a Microsoft Surface tablet in frustration. The Surface was penalized 15 yards for taunting.

Retired porn star & director Randy Spears said Billie Eilish is right for saying that watching porn as an 11-year-old damaged her young brain and hindered her adult sex life. Spears made the comments at the release party for his California Teen Hos 1-12 Collectors Box Set.

Bradley Cooper film Nightmare Alley bombed so hard at the box office, cinemas cancelled screenings to accommodate more Spider Man: No Way Home showings. To salvage some revenue, it’s being rereleased as Madea’s Nightmare Alley.

By |

Facebook is rolling out a YouTube-like video platform called ‘Watch’ – where users can see their privacy disappear.

The U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration confirmed that 2016 was the planet’s hottest year on record, citing global warming and an early-season El Nino. President Trump used the news to reinforce the need for a border wall, to keep El Nino out.

Trump plans to declare the Opioid Crisis a National Emergency – saying opioids are in a 3-way tie for Biggest Health Crisis, along with heroin and Obamacare.

Texas pastor Robert Jeffress, an evangelical advisor to President Trump, said that God has given Trump “full control” to “take out” North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. It’s hard to tell if the craziest part of that is God giving the green light to murder, or that Trump has an evangelical adviser.

A report claims President Trump has sent private messages to Russia Investigation Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Trump’s associates say the messages are ‘thank-you’s, but other messages are rumored to be:

  • Do you think Ivanka like-likes me? Yes/No/Maybe
  • Are you going to the next Trump Pep Rally?
  • Wanna come see a movie with me at The White House?

The U.S. has expelled two Cuban Ambassadors, following reports that several U.S. Ambassadors departed the American Embassy in Havana after experiencing severe hearing loss from a mysterious “sonic attack”. No further clarification was given, but the deafened U.S. Ambassadors hope they never hear Ricky Martin ever again.

WalMart apologized for an in-store sign that marketed guns as Back To School items. WalMart acknowledged the error, saying the guns were meant to be part of a Halloween promotion.

  • The sign above the guns read “Own The School Like a Hero”. So the NRA bought the guns and donated them to teachers.

Consumer Reports has pulled its ‘Recommended’ status from Microsoft Surface laptops, citing poor reliability compared to other brands. Microsoft attempted to reach Consumer Reports for further clarification, but kept getting error messages they didn’t understand.

A man rushed the stage at Britney Spears’ Las Vegas show, but was subdued and handcuffed by security. Britney had just started singing her hit ‘Crazy’, and the man thought that was his cue.

Former NFL player Ryan O’Callaghan, who came out as gay in June, is advocating for marijuana use by current players, saying it would be a ‘godsend’. Commissioner Roger Goodell said that not even God sends anything to NFL players without his approval.

Ryan Graves – a Senior VP and Uber’s first corporate employee – announced that he’s resigning, and that he’s taking a taxi home.

O.J. Simpson’s former agent is selling the white Ford Bronco from the infamous police chase. He purchased the car from Al ‘A.C.’ Cowlings. The car runs well, but there’s no A.C.