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Following their divorce, Melinda Gates is stepping down as Co-Chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation – which will continue its charitable work as the Bill Gates & Some Hot Girl That Jeffrey Epstein Introduced Him To Foundation.

Judge Judy is suing the National Inquirer for publishing a story claiming she’s helping the Menendez Brothers get a new trial. Judy claims she’s not pushing for their retrial, but she is hoping they get freed so they can co-star with her in a sitcom.

The WNBA started funding teams’ charter travel to road games. Two teams traveled on charter jets, two more traveled on charter buses, and the rest charter hitchhiked.

A Montgomery County, Pennsylvania man appeared in court after his arrest for allegedly breaking in to two women’s apartments and stealing their underwear. His attorney plans to file briefs with the court once he collects them all from the defendant.

Red Lobster workers in the Northeast were ‘blindsided’ as the chain abruptly closed 50 restaurants. Managers, servers & kitchen staff were given no warning, and lobsters had to find their own rides back to the ocean.

Kelly Clarkson finally admitted using a weight-loss drug to help shed approximately 60 pounds, but that “it isn’t Ozempic”. She’s previously claimed she lost the weight via “walks and cold plunges”, leading people to assume she took an ice bath after walking to liposuction.

Google is beta-testing a feature on its Google Messages app that allows users to edit text messages after they’ve already been sent. This comes as welcome news to everyone who’s ever texted ‘go duck yourself’ to someone.

Three inmates who bludgeoned notorious crime boss Whitey Bulger to death in a West Virginia prison accepted plea deals. Charges weren’t announced, but are believed to be assault, and unlawful use of the free weights in the recreation yard.

Following the resignation of Miss Teen USA for issues with pageant management, the runner-up said she doesn’t want the crown either. If one of the other 48 contestants doesn’t take it, the title will go to Miss Pre-Teen USA.

Kate Gosselin posted a Happy Birthday message to 4 of her sextuplets as they turned 20. The other two no longer speak to her and sided with their father, Jon. An older set of twins also took Kate’s side. Seizing on the dysfunction, TLC Network is offering them a new show, ‘Jon & Kate Plus Hate’.

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In the wake of Joe Rogan controversies, Spotify CEO Daniel Ek said they’ll invest $100 million on content from ‘underrepresented creators’. And another $100 million paying unknown standup comics to stop their podcasts altogether.

The White House’s top science adviser, Eric Lander, resigned amidst accusations that he mistreated staff, who were afraid of him. Lander’s favorite expression is “follow the science, or else”.

Oscar nominees were released Tuesday morning, with ‘The Power Of The Dog’ getting 12 nominations. Unfortunately, none of the dog’s powers are getting people to see the movie.

An 80-year-old nun was convicted of stealing over $800,000 from a Los Angeles school where she was principal to fund a gambling habit. She was sentenced to a year in prison by a judge, and sentenced to, like, a million Hail Marys by a priest.

Peloton’s co-founder and CEO John Foley resigned amidst declining sales and layoffs. And boy are his legs tired.

For the first time, chimpanzees in the wild were seen capturing insects and applying them to wounds as a means of primitive medication. Then they were seen asking the guy watching them for Neosporin.

Florida is considering a controversial “don’t say gay” bill that bans discussions of gender identity in school classrooms. The bill is sponsored by legislators who apparently have never been in or around Miami.

Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, a pub in St. Albans that claims to be the oldest in Britain – having operated since 793A.D. – is closing. Scotland Yard is on the lookout for four fugitives who have yet to pay the world’s largest running bar tabs.

A Montgomery County, Pennsylvania couple were forced to deliver the wife’s baby in the front seat of their car when they were stuck in traffic. In lieu of baby gifts, they’re asking for the name of a good detailer for the front seat of their car.

Philadelphia is creating a new Citizens Police Oversight Commission, that will finally hear public complaints about police behavior, and also allow help citizens direct their bribes to the right cops.

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Senate Democrats failed to advance voting rights legislation, losing 52-48, with black Democratic senators having to show their driver’s license and a second form of ID.

A West Virginia tv reporter was struck by a car during a live news segment about a water main break. The woman driving the car stopped to apologize, then went further up the block to score her meth.

Jury selection began in the trial of three Minneapolis police officers who stood by as fellow officer Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd. So far, several jury candidates have been dismissed who either can’t say or spell the word “guilty” in one or two seconds.

An investigation found retired Pope Benedict XVI lied about having no knowledge of priest sexual abuse during his oversight of the Diocese of Munich in the 70s & 80s. So he went to confession and forgave himself because that’s how Catholicism rolls.

Khloe Kardashian is getting dragged on social media for selling her 3-year-old daughter’s used clothing online, with some items priced at $150 – or more, if the creeps buying ’em know they haven’t been washed.

19-year-old Zara Rutherford became the youngest woman to complete a solo round-the-world flight. She thanked her sponsors and the air traffic controllers who listened for hours as she discussed boys and girls she doesn’t like.

A third person in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania died after an Italian restaurant was found to be transmitting hepatitis A. As in “A, you no like-a the manicotti??”

Dolly Parton turned 76 on Wednesday, and the current iteration of her boobs turned 19.

Meghan Linsey, a runner-up on The Voice in 2015, got married. “Who?” asked Blake Shelton, Adam Levine & Kelly Clarkson.

A woman in Chester County, Pennsylvania was rescued after being stuck in the bathroom for four days. Her dinner date left.