By |

Apple announced new iPhones are being made in India for the first time – providing unprecedented career opportunities in India for 10-year-olds.

In a possible breakthrough in organ transplants, a genetically modified pig kidney was successfully transplanted to a brain-dead human patient. A brain-dead patient was chosen for the lower risk, and because they couldn’t ask who donated the kidney.

After 14 months of marriage, Sam Asghari filed to Free Britney.

U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team head coach Vlatko Andonovski will resign following the team’s elimination from the World Cup. Andonovski admits failing to remind Megan Rapinoe that penalty kicks need to go in the goal, not over it.

St. Louis Cardinals Lars Nootbaar had to leave the game against the Oakland A’s after fouling a ball off his groin. Before leaving he continued his at-bat with the count 2 balls, 1 strike.

An Arizona woman is charged with attempted murder after poisoning her husband’s coffee with bleach every day for months. She also faces a lesser fraud charge for not telling him the coffee was made with Folgers Crystals.

A Southwest Airlines flight from Houston to Cancun retruned to Houston after an engine caught fire. “And you guys thought I was hot!” said a jokey Southwest flight attendant to the terrified passengers.

A woman on Tik Tok caused an Internet sensation with a video saying she and her husband randomly pick which side of the bed they sleep on. They say it all depends which friend or coworker they’re having sex with on a given night.

‘Dear Abby’ published a letter from a man saying he’s aroused by his 19-year-old stepdaughter. It was later revealed the letter was written 30 years ago and signed by “Woody A.”.

An Australian couple is charged with multiple counts of beastiality for filming illegal sex acts. They also say they’re planning to shut down their dog-walking business.

By |

Viral video shows an alligator attacking its trainer at a Utah reptile preserve before a good samaritan helped rescue her. The trainer is recovering, and received an overall score of ‘Needs Improvement’ during their annual performance review.

Samples of human brain tissue in lab dishes have grown rudimentary eyes – which they’re using to throw uncomfortable gazes at lab interns.

The TSA is extending its in-flight mask requirement until January. Flight attendants are busily bulking up for fistfights with passengers at Thanksgiving, and airlines are stocking up on red Christmas-themed duct tape.

Mattel created a Barbie doll of the scientist who created the Oxford coronavirus vaccine, only with bigger, pointy breasts.

Florida sanctioned two school districts for mandating students wear masks to prevent COVID-19, and for making kids take gym class to prevent obsesity.

Lady Gaga’s former dog walker Ryan Fischer – shot while walking the star’s French bulldogs – claims he’s homeless and is trying to raise $40,000 via GoFundMe. There’s no indication Gaga has donated, but the dogs each gave one bag of Pupperoni.

In a Twitter thread about terrible movies, Tom Arnold said he was paid for $5 million to play the lead in ‘The Stupids’. A sequel is in the works, it’s about the producers who decided to pay seven figures to Tom Arnold.

Oakland A’s pitcher Chris Bassitt is “conscious and aware” after taking a 100 mph line drive to the head. Also “consicous and aware” – the people who fell asleep at the game and woke up when he got hit.

Scientists found overweight lab mice lost weight when given a treatment that caused them to sweat out natural body oils. The treatment made them skinnier, but a lot more slippery.

In the wake of his most recent split from Khloe Kardashian, NBA star Tristan Thompson posted about “growth”. Specifically, about women who help him grow a lot more than Khloe ever did.

By |

J.J. Abrams has replaced Colin Trevorrow as the director of Star Wars: Episode IX. Trevorrow was reportedly unhappy with the script, and Disney execs found his lack of faith disturbing.

Apple held an event at its headquarters introducing the iPhone 8.  CEO Tim Cook told attendees no device has ever put as much power in to people’s hands – a claim disputed by men whose wives are holding the tv remote.

Amazon’s patent on 1-Click Shopping is set to expire next week, opening the door for other websites to make it just as easy to accidentally spend hundreds of dollars while drunk.

Nordstrom announced plans to open a new store in California that will be carry no clothing inventory.  Their research showed that women wanted to sit in traffic and fight for parking before doing online shopping at a mall.

Beth Mowins became the first woman to do play-by-play for an NFL telecast, calling the Monday night Chargers/Broncos game for ESPN. Mowins teamed with analyst & former NFL coach Rex Ryan. Asked what she’ll remember most, Mowins said ‘wearing garbage bags over her feet’.

The NFL’s regular season begun, with fans getting a look at the updated concussion protocol. Players are now evaluated in a closed tent on the sidelines in order to minimize distractions, and allow players multiple guesses of how many fingers doctors hold up.

A study published in the medical journal Annals of Internal Medicine linked long periods of excessive sitting with early death. The study is seen as especially bad news for cats.

Puppies for sale at Petland pet stores have been linked to 39 cases of campylobacter infections in humans – which is transferred by touching the puppies’ feces and results in diarrhea and vomiting. The puppies claim it’s their only defense against going home with owners they don’t like.

Lady Gaga announced that she suffers from fibromyalgia, and will sing to her doctor to decide which treatment is right for her.

The Oakland A’s announced their 2018 schedule, and will offer free admission to the Tuesday, April 17th night game against the Chicago White Sox.  A spokesman for Stubhub said that the price is in line with what most fans are willing to pay for A’s games this year.