Ford Motor Company has decided to keep AM radios in their new vehicles, following protests from baby boomers who claim they’re ready to trade in their ’98 Escort any year now.
Florida Governor Ron Desantis’ announcement of his presidential candidacy on Twitter alongside Elon Musk was delayed by technical issues. Eventually, the pair were able to get back online where Musk announced that Desantis was fired.
Kourtney Kardashian Barker and Travis Barker announced that they’re still trying to have a baby, but they’ve stopped in vitro fertilization treatments. Medical professionals say in vitro could have worked if Kourtney hadn’t insisted on putting makeup on the eggs for The Kardashians tv show.
The New England Patriots were caught violating offseason practice rules and had to forfeit several days of OTAs – organized/optional team activities. The players were sent home, and three Chinese massage therapists were sent back to Orchids Of Asia spa.
Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour comes to Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey this weekend. Swift plans to commemorate the Memorial Day weekend with a moment of silence to remember those who totally, like, died because they couldn’t get tickets.
George Washington University changed the name of their athletic teams from Colonials after student complaints that colonialism represented systemic oppression. Their new name is Revolutionaries – despite complaints from GWU athletes that it’s nearly impossible to spell.
Former Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters took the stage at a concert in Berlin dressed as a Nazi officer, after a video message appeared condemning antisemitism. Waters further confused and angered the crowd by performing a medley of Kanye West’s greatest hits.
Disney announced 2,500 layoffs, with impacted employees notified via musical greeting cards playing It’s A Smaller World.
Conservative Megyn Kelly blasted Target for selling ‘tuck-friendly’ swimsuits for women with “extra material around the crotch, which no woman needs because we don’t have penises down South in Rio.” Some straight women defended the design, saying they now had a place to hold their phone.
A Princess Leia dress worn by Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher is expected to sell for over $1 million at auction – with the dress valued at $750,000, and the cocaine in the pockets making up the difference.