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Merry Christmas! Thank you to loyal & occasional readers. Have a terrific holiday. cd

The wives of three Philadelphia Eagles players hosted an EaGals Christmas Party for team member’s wives and girlfriends. The Philadelphia 76ers tried, but too many fights broke out when six of the players had their wife & 3 of their girlfriends each show up.

President Joe Biden will issue pardons for certain marijuana offenses, and for a very small number of crack cocaine & prostitution offenses committed by friends of one of his kids.

Philadelphia Police are investigating two suspicious car fires in the city’s Roxborough section – saying it’s easier than investigating the 50 carjackings in the city’s other sections.

A paraplegic claims Delta Airlines let him crawl to his seat when boarding assistance personnel were unavailable. Spirit Airlines said they allow people crawling to their seats to preboard so they’ll have the most time to buy more drinks before takeoff.

The Food & Drug Administration said they seized thousands of counterfeit units of diabetes/weight loss drug Ozempic. In a related story, Dollar Tree said they’re closing their pharmacy counters until further notice.

Satellite radio provider Sirius XM is accused of trapping customers in subscriptions and making it impossible to cancel. It’s so bad, workers at Comcast/Xfinity call centers are dialing in to learn a few new tricks.

A woman arrested for attempting to have her husband murdered in the Bahamas was allowed to go back to the United States for Christmas to visit her children. She has to stay 100 yards from her husband, and not even think about giving him the fruitcake she made.

Tinder is offering $499/month Tinder Select memberships to a limited number of “most sought after” users. In other news, two teen boys who stole their dad’s credit card are busy catching up on all the nude pics they’re getting.

Britney Spears posted an Instagram video showing the charred remains of her home gym following a house fire she started in 2020, when she fired her trainer for telling her to ‘feel the burn’.

A married couple drove an electric car 18,000 miles in an historic journey from the North Pole to the South Pole to raise awareness for climate change and use of electric vehicles. They’re currently looking for divorce lawyers at the South Pole.

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The Electoral College meets today and will confirm Joe Biden’s victory over Donald Trump in the 2020 Presidential Election. Over 130 Republican Congressmen joined a new Trump lawsuit to confirm his victory in the Electoral Community College.

Video game publisher Electronic Arts acquired Codemasters – publishers of popular Micro Machines games. EA plans to create Grand Theft Auto-type games where players can run over hookers with tiny cars.

Baseball’s Cleveland Indians will reportedly change their team name from Indians. Native American leaders praised the move, saying they’ve suffered enough from their hundred-year association with the city of Cleveland.

Google suffered a service outage early Monday, impacting Gmail, search, Google Drive and other services. Although the outage was fixed in an hour, it will be cited as an excuse for “that email I never got” for several months.

Homeland Security confirmed a Russian cyberattack on the U.S. Treasury. The U.S. Mint will trash $10 bills whose backs were engraved with a photo of Donald Trump watching prostitutes urinate on a bed that Barack Obama slept in.

Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins will direct Rogue Squadron – the next entry in the Star Wars Cinematic Universe. Jenkins promises to add lots of women Rebel fighter pilots, and crew who are nervous about flying with them.

Facebook announced its new musical collaboration app, Collab, so users can create songs and videos together despite being in different locations. So far, no takers to collaborate with Lee Greenwood on his new song ‘Trump Won By A Landslide’.

A new ABC News/IPSOS poll finds 8 out of 10 Americans would agree to be inoculated against COVID-19, while respondents in the deep South said they’ll wait for a shot instead.

SpaceX’s Falcon 9 rocket successfully launched another satellite for SiriusXM radio – allowing the broadcaster to offer 200 more channels of Christmas music.

The UK authorized the trial use of psychedelic hallucinogen dimethyltriptamine – DMT – for use in treatment of depression. Drug makers are looking for several hundred Brits who feel depressed, but really groovy.

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Passengers on Jet Airways Flight 697 from Mumbai to Jaipur, India, started bleeding from their nose and ears mid-flight because the flight crew forgot to pressurize the cabin, and because many of them were sitting next to babies that had eaten spicy Indian food.

Facebook launched Facebook Dating in Colombia, making it much easier to find a boyfriend who can score you some cocaine.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein resigned following a New York Times story stating he discussed taping President Trump or having him removed from office for incompetence. Rosenstein, who oversees Special Counsel Robert Mueller, is expected to be replaced by The Apprentice champion Bret Michaels of Poison.

LinkedIn published an article entitled ‘How Robots Are Hiring Job Candidates’. The answer, of course, is by identifying attractive candidates who like to have sex with robots.

A second woman has accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault, turning his #MeToo problem into a #MeThree problem.

Bill Cosby will be sentenced this week for his sexual assault conviction, and his sentence will be repeated in about six or seven weeks.

An Australian mother watched in horror as an eastern brown snake – one of the most lethally venomous land snakes in the world – slithered through a window and into her baby’s crib. The baby wasn’t in the crib at the time, and the snake was safely captured and removed, but only after hearing ‘Goodnight Moon’ three times.

Congress is expected to pass a sweeping bill to regulate the U.S. aviation industry, including making it illegal to bump & remove passengers who have already boarded an overbooked flight. The news was welcomed by frequent fliers, but disappointing to United Airlines’ newly-hired bouncers.

Cody Wilson, the firearms activist who controversially issued plans for untraceable 3D-printed guns, was arrested on charges of paying for sex with an underage woman. Prosecutors charged him with statutory sexual assault and submitted their evidence, including a 3D-printed condom.

On  a new ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’, Kris Jenner said that she was the one who pulled her granddaughter, Stormi, from Kylie Jenner during birth. Kris was able to remove the newborn with one hand, and get Stormi’s footprint on a personal services contract with the other.

SiriusXM is buying streaming service Pandora for $3.5 billion, but has yet to announce to Pandora users how many skips they’ll get.