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Walmart agreed to pay $45 million as part of a class action settlement after admitting to overcharging for weighted produce and bags of fruit. This will be a huge payday for the 6 customers who actually bought nutritious food at Walmart.

Donald Trump said he would not support a nationwide abortion ban, saying abortion decisions should be left up to the states, and to women he pays to get them.

A Southwest Airlines-operated Boeing jet made an emergency landing after the cover ripped off an engine during takeoff. Now that doors, tires, fuel, and engine covers have fallen off of airborne Boeing jets, a spokesperson said aircraft safety has officially dropped from their Top Priority to Fifth or Sixth.

The Vatican condemned gender-transition surgery, saying the talent pool of cute altar boys is shallow enough already.

Country music superstar Jelly Roll won three times at the CMT Music Awards in Austin, Texas. Less-popular country singer Vegan Roll was shut out.

U.S. lawmakers unveiled bipartisan legislation to give all Americans a basic right to digital privacy – that they’ll promptly waive because there’s no way they’re giving up Instagram & Tik Tok.

Lebron James son Bronny, a University of Southern California freshman basketball player, will enter the NBA Draft and the NCAA transfer portal. Bronny averaged 4.8 points per game, and an average GPA of Incomplete.

Maryland’s Governor Wes Moore said some shipping channels around the collapsed Key Bridge in Baltimore harbor have reopened after debris removal ‘equal to the weight of the Statue of Liberty’. “Great, now everyone thinks I’m fat” said Lady Liberty.

140 guests attended the wedding of former CNN Anchor Don Lemon and his partner. It was the first time many of them were invited to a Lemon Party.

In honor of the solar eclipse, Krispy Kreme is offering the Total Solar Eclipse donut – a glazed donut dipped in chocolate and topped with buttercream and an Oreo. They say the temporary diabetic coma from eating it is just like a full-blackout eclipse.

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Governors of Florida & Texas are battling cruise lines over their vaccine rules, arguing that a COVID-19 vaccine doesn’t protect passengers against the hundreds of other gross viruses lurking on cruise ships.

The highly contagious Delta variant of COVID-19 is on the rise in the U.S. As is the Southwest, where you pick your own variant, and the Spirit, where you pay $49 for the virus.

Kristen Messner, wife of former Fleetwood Mac vocalist/guitarist Lindsey Buckingham, filed for divorce. She’s already auditioning new frontmen.

A 22-year-old Pennsylvania man is charged with wire fraud after impersonating Donald Trump’s brother and son to collect $25,000 in donations. Donald Trump is so impressed with the guy’s ability to get money from suckers that he may adopt him.

A McDonald’s customer is claiming the company’s test of voice & facial recognition technology when ordering violates privacy laws. That, and he’s insulted when he’s recognized and offered “so, the usual fifty McNuggets and three large fries?”

El Salvador is the first country to accept Bitcoin as legal tender, believing it will Be easier for drug dealers pay their federal income taxes.

Tomorrow, the Ring Of Fire solar eclipse will be partially visible in the United States. As the moon goes down and the sun gets higher. But use eye protection or your retinas will burn, burn, burn…from the Ring of Fire…the Ring of Fire.

A California man is considered “lucky to be alive” after being stuck for two days inside a barn fan at a Sonoma farm. Authorities were alerted by cows who called to complain about the smell.

France is sending the U.S. a “little sister” to the original Statue of Liberty. The bronze statue is 1/16th the size of the original, and will be used for toilet training hatchling pigeons and seagulls.

Sherwin Williams is raising paint prices 7%, citing pandemic-related shortages, due to more Americans buying paint just to watch it dry.