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Shakira said she was attacked by wild boars who stole her purse while walking in Barcelona, but that it was still a better experience than meeting Harvey Weinstein to discuss a possible movie role.

Mick Jagger reportedly went unnoticed while visiting the Thirsty Beaver bar in Charlotte, North Carolina. Meanwhile a conflicting report claims a 78-year-old British guy was kicked out for strutting around like a chicken.

Dancing With The Stars professional dancer Cheryl Burke and her partner, Peloton instructor Cody Rigsby, both tested positive for COVID-19, despite each getting a paso doble-dose of vaccine.

Irmgard Furcher, the 96-year-old Nazi secretary who’d fled prior to her court trial to face concentration-camp murders, was captured and remanded to custody. She faces life in prison, or 90 days, whichever comes first.

McDonald’s is bringing back McRib, as the CDC expresses concern over the U.S.’ ability to handle another national health crisis.

Amazon introduced Astro, a new personal robot. It sells for $999, and completed extensive rigorous testing from Amazon warehouse employees tasking it with emptying their urine bottles.

Customs officials in Philadelphia seized $6.5 million in counterfeit U.S. currency from Russia, after confusing it with their annual bribe.

El Salvador is using energy from volcanoes to mine Bitcoin. Although a dozen miners died plugging the computers into the volcano.

The City of Philadelphia’s plastic bag ban begins today, leading to price hikes on street drugs as dealers scramble to find tiny paper bags.

Walt Disney World opened 50 years ago today, an anniversary celebrated by a now-70-year-old couple who arrived on opening day, and have almost reached the front of the line for Space Mountain.

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U.S. Customs in Minnesota seized almost $1 million in counterfeit one-dollar bills in a shipment from China. Later that day, Minneapolis police arrested a Chinese guy who had been in a strip club for 10 straight hours. 

A Florida daycare worker was fired after sending a child home with “Mom, I’m out of diapers” written on his chest & stomach in marker. She then flipped the child over and saw “and would it kill you to send some snacks for the workers?” on his back. 

Mattel is releasing “its most diverse Barbie dolls yet”, that are bald, have skin conditions, prosthetic limbs and wheelchairs. They’re only sold in packages of two so they have someone to play with. 

The written ‘Question & Answer’ portion of the Trump Impeachment Trial commences Wednesday afternoon. So far the top questions are “Can we speed this up?’ and ‘What’s for lunch?’

Jakila Taylor, an 18-year-old Florida woman, was arrested at her high school and charged with luring a man to a robbery after meeting him on Plenty of Fish. Taylor was also stripped of her presidency of the Young Entrepreneurs club. 

Louis C.K. performed a surprise set at a benefit show in New York and was greeted with a standing ovation. He then asked the women in the audience if it was okay that he, too, get visibly excited. 

A Tokyo company has been ordered to pay Nintendo $450,000 for operating an unlicensed service where tourists drive Mario Kart-like karts in game character costumes on city streets. They also face multi-million dollar lawsuits from drivers injured after spinning out on turtle shells and banana peels. 

Billy Joel’s Long Island home was burglarized over the weekend. 12 of his classic motorcycles were damaged, and his liquor cabinet was emptied into a 40-foot cargo container. 

WWE wrestlers Nikki and Brie Bella are both pregnant, with due dates less than two weeks apart. Although they may choose to induce delivery on the same day via body slams. 

Unscrupulous sellers are already attempting to capitalize on the death of Kobe Bryant by selling counterfeit Kobe memorabilia. Experts say shoes and jerseys are the hardest fakes to spot; hockey sticks are the easiest. 

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A man in China spent $1.4 million on a character in an online video game. It’s believed to be the most money anyone’s ever spent on a plumber.

Nintendo opened its first retail store in Tokyo on Friday.  The wait to get in was up to four hours long – or, much less if you jumped into a pipe near the store.

The New York Post published photos of Jeffrey Epstein on his private Caribbean hideaway, dubbed “Pedophile Island” by locals. In an unrelated photo, Eric Trump is pictured wearing a “My Dad Went To Pedophile Island And All I Got Was This Lousy T Shirt” shirt.

Elon Musk explained the glass broke during his Cybertruck demo because hitting door panels with a sledgehammer weakened the glass before it was hit with metal balls. Musk plans a follow-up event where Tiger Woods ex-wife Elin Nordegren will hit the Cybertruck with a 3-iron to restore consumer trust.

In separate incidents, pork; romaine lettuce and Cheese Nips have all been recalled. So for now you can’t order the House Salad at Golden Corral.

Website Business Insider gave a negative review to Burger King’s BBQ Bacon Triple Whopper, saying it wasn’t worth the $11 price. A Burger King spokesman said the review is unfair since the burger wasn’t ordered or eaten at 3a.m.

The FDA granted a Breakthrough Therapy designation for psilocybin – the key psychoactive ingredient in magic mushrooms – to treat severe depression. It’s the first-ever prescription drug bundled with bootleg recordings of Grateful Dead concerts.

Disney’s ‘Frozen 2’ brought in $127 million at the weekend box office, topping all other films. ‘Charlie’s Angels’ continued to bomb despite changing its name to Charlie’s Frozen Angels and renaming two angels Elsa and Anna.

150 pounds of Mexican bologna was seized by U.S. Customs agents in El Paso. Customs said the meat has the potential to introduce foreign animal diseases to the U.S. pork industry, and also the labels list the first ingredient as heroin.

A 63-year-old German man died from a rare infection he contracted after being licked by his dog. Later, at a nearby dog park, the infected dog walked up to several bitches and told them they should get tested.

 

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President Trump banned transgender Americans from serving in the military. E! Network announced it’s scrapping plans for a new reality series, ‘Colonel Caitlyn’.

No word yet on how Defense Secretary James Mattis will handle the thousands of transgender enlisted personnel, though some say he’s in favor of giving them all an Honorable Red Carpet Discharge.

Senator John McCain slammed Trump’s use of Twitter to make major policy announcements, saying that’s what National Boy Scout Jamboree speeches are for.

White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci told a radio show that he will stop his office from leaking to the press, and that his staff needs to stop acting like “Mean Girls”. Meanwhile, Donald ‘Regina George’ Trump took to Twitter to burn Jeff Sessions to “stop trying to make Russia happen”.

  • Scaramucci already fired one staffer, and rumors are flying that Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders may soon be gone from The Plastics.

President Trump and Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker are set to announce that Apple partner Foxconn will open Apple assembly plants in Wisconsin. The plants are expected to lift the state economy — Foxconn has already scheduled Job Fairs for local 12 and 13-year olds.

Adobe said that it’s killing the Adobe Flash plug-in by 2020, giving your grandparents ample time to find another reason why their darn computer isn’t working.

Britain announced that it will phase out all gasoline and diesel cars in 2040. The world awaits the clever term they’ll use for ‘electric’ the way they use ‘petrol’ for gas.

The Pentagon is under fire for blowing $28 million on ‘woodland’ camouflage for Afghani soldiers, when just 2% of the terrain is woodlands, and many other free camo patterns were available. The Defense Department acknowledged the error, saying soldiers should have received camouflage that looked like blown-up buildings.

Lyft is trialing ‘Taco Mode’ in California – in which a driver will show up and whisk a rider to the nearest Taco Bell. The rider can then choose a ride back home or to the nearest hospital.

  • Pending a successful trial, Lyft has already readied “Fry Mode” for McDonald’s, “Frosty Mode” for Wendy’s, and “Suicide Mode” for Arby’s.

Atlanta Falcon Julio Jones hired a dive team to find a $150,000 earring he lost while riding a Jet Ski in Georgia’s Lake Lanier. The divers failed to find the earring, citing the darkness at the lake’s bottom and all of the corpses in their way.

A California man was arrested for smuggling exotic animals when U.S. Customs intercepted a shipment to his house from Hong Kong, containing King Cobras packed in cans of potato chips. Additionally several U.S. Customs agents were treated for snake bites and suspended for stealing potato chips.