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A ‘Price is Right’ contestant dislocated his shoulder while celebrating a game win. During the next round of bidding, a woman in a tight dress pointed at the shoulder and four contestants guessed how much surgery would cost to fix it.

Searchers continue to try and locate the OceanGate submersible craft that disappeared on a dive to view the wreck of the Titanic. Meanwhile, hungry sharks are searching the kitchen of the Titanic for a can opener.

Singing star Adele threatened to cancel her purchase of Sylvester Stallone’s mansion unless she was able to keep a Rocky statue by the pool. However, she had the Tango & Cash statues tossed in the garbage.

Broward County, Florida issued a warning after sightings of giant African land snails, an invasive species that can ruin buildings and infect humans with meningitis. Governor Ron Desantis forbids schools to teach students how the snails got to Florida from Africa.

Taylor Swift announced international dates for her Eras Tour in 2024. Ticketmaster looks forward to gouging fans in a dozen different foreign currencies.

Legal experts say abortion bans could be reversed or bypassed if those seeking abortions say the bans violate their religious freedom. Boyfriends and husbands say they, too, became deeply religious when they found out their partners were pregnant.

Joe Biden & White House staff are meeting regularly to formulate a nationwide artificial intelligence policy – then letting it run the country if he’s reelected.

Following her New York show where she was hit in the face by a smartphone, singer Bebe Rexha performed in Philadelphia, telling the crowd “no phones in the face, thank God!” Her appreciative Philly fans responded by throwing batteries.

Porn star Moriah Mills is threatening to share video of her having sex with her ex, NBA star Zion Williamson. The footage of 6’6″ Williamson and 43-24-44 Mills really shows off the iPhone 14 Pro’s cinematic wide screen feature.

Stephen F. Austin University assistant women’s bowling coach Steve Lemke was fired after admitting to an affair with a student athlete on the team. Lemke’s wife Amber is the team’s head coach, but he still decided to pick up a spare.

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Hawai’i’s Kilauea volcano erupted on Wednesday. State officials warned area residents the air quality is almost as bad as New York & Philadelphia.

Canada claims most of the wildfires blanketing the Eastern United States in smoke are contained, after Canadian first responders say they’ve spent weeks politely asking the fires to stop burning.

20 people were rescued after The Zipper ride malfunctioned at St John The Beloved’s Church Carnival in Wilmington, Delaware. Also, multiple altar boys at St. John The Beloved say they’ve been traumatized by The Zipper of Father Mike.

Taco Bell is offering a Vegan Crunchwrap in several test markets, after successful coordination with EMTs in those markets who specialize in treating explosive diarrhea.

New Jersey wildlife officials warn beachgoers of a unique breed of clinging jellyfish. They sting you, then insist on going with you to dinner and the movies later.

Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network and ultra-conservative Republican, died at age 93. His passing was confirmed by a spokesperson for Hell.

Pete Davidson is featured in the new Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, which tells the story of the Kardashians putting on their makeup in the morning.

The Centers for Disease Control warns of a deadly new bacteria with a 50% fatality rate that’s endemic to the U.S. Gulf Coast areas of Florida, Texas & elsewhere. The CDC advises steering clear of the conch fritters.

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy called PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan “a piece of sh*t” following the announcement of the PGA/LIV merger. Portnoy’s remarks were made on the ‘It Takes One To Know One’ podcast.

Porn star Moriah Mills attacked NBA star Zion Williamson, after he announced his girlfriend is pregnant. Mills claims she was blindsided and betrayed, because she had unprotected sex with Williamson just last week – right after having sex with four other guys at her work that day.

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A rhinoceros seriously injured a Jacksonville zookeeper during a training session, where neither of them did very well.

After being bitten while feeding a stray cat, a Florida woman was charged over $48,000 for precautionary rabies vaccines. The cat just assumed it wouldn’t be adopted.

The black box from the Amazon Prime Air crash in Houston has yet to be delivered to the FAA. The FAA got an email from Amazon saying a shipment label has been printed, but no delivery date is set.

Detric Lee McGowan, a South Carolina man who gained notoriety for mysteriously buying $540 worth of Girl Scout cookies, was arrested on charges of manufacturing heroin and fentanyl pills. “Look, we don’t ask where the money comes from, we just sell the cookies” said an agitated Girl Scout.

Michael Cohen is set to testify before Congress that President Donald Trump is a liar, conman and a racist — leaving Congress wondering what to ask about for the remaining eight hours after that first minute is up.

United Methodists rejected a resolution that would have permitted LGBTQ clergy and approved same-sex marriage. They’re considering a new resolution to change their name to Occasionally United Methodists.

Starbucks opened its largest location, a 32,000 square foot store in Tokyo. The store features multiple exhibits and a large meeting space, so employees can practice calling the cops on non-Japanese visitors who don’t buy anything.

Just a week after Duke’s Zion Williamson had his Nike shoe split open during a game, Indiana’s Justin Smith had the same thing happen to him with an Adidas shoe. NCAA major-college coaches are now seeing if larger sizes are still available at the Payless going-out-of-business sale.

Gerber selected Kairi Yang, an infant of Hmong ethnicity, from over a half-million applicants to be its 2019 Spokesbaby. Yang was selected because it was 5 o’clock and her picture was on top of the pile.

Viral video app TikTok is launching a series of online safety videos. They say it will help users navigate the proper way to eat detergent or snort condoms and pull them out of your mouth.

 

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An 18-year-old woman with no idea she was pregnant awoke from a coma to learn she’d given birth. The attending physician was relieved to know it wasn’t his fault that she didn’t push when asked.

Kim Kardashian is angry that a vintage Thierry Mugler gown she wore earlier this week was being copied by cheap knockoff factories. “I can no longer sit silent” she wrote. “We know” said everyone who’s heard chairs creak under her ass.

Two NYC women are starting a concierge service, ‘Onward’ to help people move on from breakups. They’ll pick up boxes from an ex’s apartment, arrange for counseling if needed, and help you find out if it was really them, not you.

DNA ‘hits’ from people taking genealogy tests to research their family history have resulted in three more cold-case murder arrests this week alone. It’s become so common, one company is considering a name change to 23andMeandYourFugitiveMurdererUncle.

A political action committee is launching an aggressive targeting strategy to get more scientists elected to public office in 2020. The PAC is called ‘314 Action’ — a name they switched to after STEM scientists were insulted by its original name ‘Dorks for Congress’.

Samsung announced its first foldable smartphone, the Galaxy Fold. Pricing starts at $1,980. It can be used folded with a 4.6 inch screen, or opened with a 7.3 inch tablet screen. Power users say the high price is worth it to see selfies of their penis grow to over 7 inches.

Celebrity attorney Mark Geragos has joined Todd Pugh and Victor Henderson on the legal team of ‘Empire’ actor Jussie Smollett.  Smollett’s real legal team is now bigger than his possibly-made-up assault team.

The Nike shoe worn by Duke freshman Zion Williamson broke open during last night’s game against North Carolina, causing Williamson a mild knee sprain. Nike said they’re working to identify the issue, but in the meantime are marketing the $200 Zion I, a basketball shoe that converts to a rubber sandal.

President Trump tweeted that he wants the U.S. to have 5G, and even 6G, technology as soon as possible, thinking it will improve his ability to find lost golf balls.

Founder Elon Musk predicted self-driving Tesla cars would be available by the end of the year, if regulators allowed it. Musk gave the update while announcing a preemptive victims relief fund for pedestrians mowed down by self-driving Teslas.