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A ‘Price is Right’ contestant dislocated his shoulder while celebrating a game win. During the next round of bidding, a woman in a tight dress pointed at the shoulder and four contestants guessed how much surgery would cost to fix it.

Searchers continue to try and locate the OceanGate submersible craft that disappeared on a dive to view the wreck of the Titanic. Meanwhile, hungry sharks are searching the kitchen of the Titanic for a can opener.

Singing star Adele threatened to cancel her purchase of Sylvester Stallone’s mansion unless she was able to keep a Rocky statue by the pool. However, she had the Tango & Cash statues tossed in the garbage.

Broward County, Florida issued a warning after sightings of giant African land snails, an invasive species that can ruin buildings and infect humans with meningitis. Governor Ron Desantis forbids schools to teach students how the snails got to Florida from Africa.

Taylor Swift announced international dates for her Eras Tour in 2024. Ticketmaster looks forward to gouging fans in a dozen different foreign currencies.

Legal experts say abortion bans could be reversed or bypassed if those seeking abortions say the bans violate their religious freedom. Boyfriends and husbands say they, too, became deeply religious when they found out their partners were pregnant.

Joe Biden & White House staff are meeting regularly to formulate a nationwide artificial intelligence policy – then letting it run the country if he’s reelected.

Following her New York show where she was hit in the face by a smartphone, singer Bebe Rexha performed in Philadelphia, telling the crowd “no phones in the face, thank God!” Her appreciative Philly fans responded by throwing batteries.

Porn star Moriah Mills is threatening to share video of her having sex with her ex, NBA star Zion Williamson. The footage of 6’6″ Williamson and 43-24-44 Mills really shows off the iPhone 14 Pro’s cinematic wide screen feature.

Stephen F. Austin University assistant women’s bowling coach Steve Lemke was fired after admitting to an affair with a student athlete on the team. Lemke’s wife Amber is the team’s head coach, but he still decided to pick up a spare.

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Sophia Urista, lead singer of Brass Against, went viral after video circulated of her urinating on a man’s face onstage at a music festival. Some fans were outraged, but the man had purchased Gold Circle VIPee tickets.

‘House of Gucci‘ premieres this Thanksgiving, starring Lady Gaga & Adam Driver in a true story about an outsider’s attempts to take over the iconic fashion brand. Producers settled on ‘House of Gucci‘ instead of its original title, ‘Gucci Gucci Coup‘.

Investigators solved the 50-year-old mystery of Theodore Conrad, a Cleveland bank teller who put $215,000 in a paper bag and disappeared in 1969. Conrad died earlier this year and was buried under a stone engraved “Whatever, I got out of Cleveland”.

The Trump Organization is selling its Washington DC hotel. It will become a Waldorf-Astoria as soon as they remove the discarded hooker outfits and urine-soaked mattresses from the Presidential Suite.

According to The Framingham Heart Study, sugar-sweetened beverages are the worst drink for liver disease, even worse than alcohol. However, fiber consumption can prevent the damage, say the makers of all-new Mountain Dew Code Red Metamucil.

Walmart’s Black Friday ad shows special deals on Playstation 5 and Xbox Series X game consoles as available “online only”. But for a fee, Walmart will send fifty workers to your house to trample you as you try to shop online at midnight.

Adele said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that her weight loss journey started with exercise that she used to control her anxiety. “I wish I had your anxiety!” said Oprah.

A 32-year-old woman was arrested for physically assaulting a Southwest Airlines employee. The woman said she heard the *ding* to move about the cabin, but never heard the second *ding* to end the round and stop punching.

The Beaver Moon lunar eclipse on November 19th will be the longest of the century, and the most disappointing to teen boys aroused by how sexy it sounds.

An 84-year-old man bought a Portsmouth, Virginia home “sight unseen” for $160,000 cash, then murdered his realtor in it before killing himself. The home has been relisted as a “fixer upper”.

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CBS cancelled Matt LeBlanc sitcom ‘Man With A Plan’. Remaining episodes will be aired as ‘Man Needs A Plan’.

Tesla may bring Zoom videoconferencing to their electric cars, giving birth to the phrase: “could the guy who just wrapped his car around a tree please mute?”

Donald Trump’s decision to paint the border wall black could cost an additional $500 million. It could also encourage more Mexicans to try and go around the wall because black is so slimming.

The Treasury Department says coronavirus stimulus checks mailed to dead people should be returned to the IRS. But first, the checks should be removed from their hands.

Adele showed off her recent weight loss in a photo thanking frontline workers during the pandemic. In turn, frontline workers say they have an even greater appreciation for Adele, since they don’t just want to hear her sing – they also want to have sex with her.

Astronomers say they’ve found the black hole closest to Earth, that consumes and destroys anything near it – it’s the satellite that delivers Pornhub.

Tinder’s next major update will be a feature to enable video dating. Then the next major update will be a panic button for when women inevitably see a guy’s dick.

Twitter is testing a streamlined interface for users to interact with ‘threaded’ conversations – they’re calling it A Bigger Mute Button.

National Nurses Day was recognized with drive-by tributes from citizens thanking nurses with signs and horn-honking. Although others complained of delays because they just wanted to get to the ER and push their sick grandparents out of the car.

Researchers are testing a new stick-on patch that monitors coronavirus symptoms and progress. Although patients are warned to be on the lookout for fake devices with ‘Kick Me’ on them.