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Website 24/7 Wall Street reviewed unemployment filings to find the most secure jobs. Optometrists, veterinarians, and real estate appraisers had the highest job security; Presidential Cabinet Members had the lowest.

The searing heat in the western U.S. could raise the temperature of the pavement in Las Vegas to 147 degrees. “Come on, 150!” said a gambling addict who bet the over.

Public schools in South Dakota now display the phrase “In God We Trust” in 12-inch letters. The next challenge is giving more than half of South Dakota public school students the ability to read it.

A customer with a handgun shot two robbers at a 7-Eleven in Virginia Beach, killing one. The other was treated for internal injuries from gunshot wounds and the microwave burrito he ate during the robbery.

A Florida man is being treated for a potentially lethal infection on his buttocks caused by flesh-eating bacteria. The flesh eating bacteria are being treated for severe food poisoning.

‘Revenge Body With Khloe Kardashian’ featured a former L.A. gang member trying to get in shape at a boxing ring. The gang-banger said the boxing training was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, along with shooting people and fighting off Khloe Kardashian’s marriage proposals.

McDonald’s reported their biggest sales growth since 2012. CEO Steve Easterbrook cited new menu items, updated stores, and Americans just giving up.

A North Carolina man gave his wife a birthday cake decorated to look like her favorite thing, an Amazon delivery box. Before the party started, the cake was stolen.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi met face-to-face with Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and said afterward that they “don’t have that many differences” – overlooking their differing points of view on impeachment, and Pelosi never having been nearly that hot.

A 7 pound 11 ounce baby born on July 11 at 7:11pm was given a $7,111 college fund by 7-Eleven…who then recognized their mistake and instead gave the infant seven dollars ane eleven cents.

 

 

 

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Jeff and Mackenzie Bezos’ $38 billion divorce settlement is almost complete, according to a lawyer at a Lamborghini dealership.

New York City began enforcement of its styrofoam ban. Emergency rooms were overflowing with burn and ulcer victims as Dunkin started pouring coffee directly into customers’ mouths.

According to a new study, one in five Americans say they’ve been hurt by someone else’s drinking. Four out of five really appreciate having that wingman.

House Democrats are calling for the investigation of a Secret Facebook group where Border Patrol agents make jokes about migrant deaths and post vulgar images of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. The group is launching their own investigation as to who wrecked the secret.

United Airlines apologized for putting a 14-year-old on the wrong international flight from Newark to Europe. They were able to get the teen on the correct flight, and compensated him with someone’s puppy they found in the cargo hold.

USA Today surveyed readers to find out the 25 most popular things they bought in the month of June. Not making the list? – USA Today.

Barnes & Noble opened a new store in Wilmington, Delaware. The new location is designed to be more customer-friendly, so they’ve widened the spaces between shelves to give drug addicts and vagrants more room to lie down.

Tom Brady posted an Instagram video of him cursing after hitting an errant tee shot while golfing, captioned with “when you forget the kids are in the cart”. Brady’s sons laughed, then got back to learning how to cheat at golf.

Walmart is using virtual reality headsets to test middle-management job candidates’ skills. So far, the virtual reality that elicits the best candidate response is the one where they work someplace other than Walmart.

A Bankrate.com study finds over 50% of Americans are losing sleep worrying about money – and are even more pissed off their Fitbits keep telling them they need more sleep.

University researchers in Mexico have created a form of biodegradeable plastic from the juice of the prickly pear cactus. Great news if you care about the environment and don’t mind slicing your lip open drinking bottled water.