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A woman trading in an iPhone 7 at T-Mobile is suing the carrier, saying store employees looked through her photos, found a private nude video she’d made, and watched it. The employees said that, like the phone, it took up a lot of their memory.

  • The employees also said that although the phone was an iPhone 7, the nude woman was closer to an iPhone 5.

Philadelphia Eagles wideout Alshon Jeffery, who dropped a pass that possibly lost the team’s NFC playoff game, visited a 2nd grade class who had written him letters. He thanked most of the children, but wanted to know where one of them learned the language used in the letter.

Microsoft pledged $500 million to create affordable housing around Seattle, then laid off 10,000 workers to build it.

Coinstar machines will sell Bitcoin  – finally giving savvy individuals with empty Ragu jars full of loose change in Walmart lobbies the perfect investment for them.

An Irish man was admitted to a hospital after repeatedly injecting himself with his own semen in an effort to cure his back pain. While in the hospital, he kept asking nurses if their back hurt.

Netflix added 8.8 million subscribers in the recent fiscal quarter, and says it now accounts for 10 percent of U.S. screen time, trailing only cable’s 15% and porn’s 75%.

Former Trump attorney Michael Cohen claims he paid a company to inflate online polls in favor of Trump in the run-up to the 2016 election – this, in addition to paying women to keep quiet about inflating Trump’s pole.

A source tells People magazine that Jeff & MacKenzie Bezos plan to be “adult” about their divorce, and will share parenting of their children with each other and Alexa.

M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie debuted to brutal reviews – critics agree ‘Glass’ blows.

A 29-year-old Texas woman pretended to be autistic in order to con a caregiver into sex.  The caregiver grew suspicious when the woman didn’t insist on having sex an even number of times.

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Warren Sapp, fired from NFL Network in 2015 after hiring a prostitute at the Super Bowl, confirmed a network wardrobe stylist’s story that Sapp gave her sex toys as Christmas gifts three years in a row. Sapp said in a radio interview: “I’m still trying to figure out where’s the sexual harassment?”  Apparently, it was under the office Christmas tree.

Trump aide and former ‘Apprentice‘ contestant Omarosa Manigault Newman resigned from her communications role and was reportedly escorted off the White House campus. President Trump tweeted his thanks for her service, then promptly hired ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ champion and Poison frontman Bret Michaels to pick up where she left off.

Documentary director Morgan Spurlock admitted to a history of sexual misconduct, as social media braced for a flood of Super Size Me jokes.

A U.K. surgeon was charged with assault after he admitted to carving his initials on the livers of his patients during transplant operations, after encasing their livers in wet concrete.

The San Francisco SPCA is using robot security guards to keep the homeless away from its campus. The SPCA said the robot costs $6/hour to operate, vs $16 or more for a human guard. “We’ll do it for free – just let us out of here a few hours” said SPCA resident dogs.

Alabama Senator-elect Doug Jones said that he received a “very gracious” phone call from President Donald Trump.  Jones said Trump invited him to the White House, then gave him a list of Alabama barbecue restaurants and detailed take-out orders.

The White House withdrew its support for Brent Talley, a Trump nominee for a Federal judgeship who has never tried a case, and who’s been a lawyer for less than three years. Reached for comment, Talley said “Sustained!”

The CEO of Coinbase – one of the largest cryptocurrency exchanges and a popular tool for Bitcoin traders – authored a blog post urging people to “invest responsibly”. Asked to clarify ‘responsibly’, he said “not Bitcoin.”

In Philadelphia, a cow escaped from a live nativity scene. The cow was captured in a hotel parking garage and arrested for offering an undercover cop $50 to get milked.

Disney has finalized a $52.4 billion deal to acquire 20th Century Fox movie studio and other Fox film and tv assets – clearing the way for Die Hard: Mickey Mouse.

The U.S. Education Department reports that nearly 5 million Americans are in default on student loans, while the University of Phoenix reports record high placement in the food service and rideshare industries.

 

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Former nude model and current First Lady Melania Trump tweeted to honor ‘Pearl Harbor Heroes’, but typed in the wrong date, November 7, 1941 instead of December 7. Melania’s assistant explained that the November 7 date was intended for a different tweet, honoring the heroes of the Bergdorf Goodman November shoe sale.

A Delta flight from New York to Seattle had to make an unscheduled stop in Montana because the toilets stopped working. “They worked fine for me” said one passenger as he tossed out the remnants of three Taco Bell 5 Buck Boxes.

U.K. firefighters responded to a call to free a 22-year-old man who had cemented his head inside of a microwave while filming a YouTube stunt. The man was freed after an hour, and complained that his head was very hot in some spots, but still cold in others.

Discount retailer Dollar General plans to open 900 stores in 2018 — or more, depending on how fast they can get Sears and KMart to move out.

Anheuser-Busch ordered 40 electric trucks from Tesla; the brewing giant was impressed that the trucks could drive themselves, even while drunk.

Bitcoin hit a new record high of $17,000 on Friday, then dropped over $3,000 in value that same morning, worrying the new breed of currency speculators who work at Burger King.

Ford announced it’s investing $900 million in a Michigan plant to make self-driving cars. Once built, the cars will be evaluated on how long they can drive themselves around Detroit without getting stolen.

Amid the fallout from scandals involving Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Brett Ratner and others, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences approved new Standards of Conduct for members in the film and tv industries. Only now nobody wants to produce movies or tv shows anymore.

Police in the New York City suburb of Clarkstown are warning residents to stay away from a hybrid wolf/coyote, known as a ‘coywolf’. The animal weighs 75 pounds, has a grey coat, and has been asking pedestrians if they want to see his puppies in a van.

Arby’s is introducing the Arbynator, a french-fry filled sandwich. Arby’s now has the meats, has the potatoes, and has no more ideas.

The U.S. Economy added 228,000 jobs in November. The Labor Department cited growth in Manufacturing, Santa Clauses, and roles in tv ads with elves in them.

 

 

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It’s the currency speculating craze that everyone’s talking about! Especially people who know what “currency” and “speculate” mean. Of course, I am referring to Bitcoin. This week, the value of a single Bitcoin has soared from $9,000 earlier in the week, to over $16,000 today! And there is no end in sight. Not for me anyway.

A lot of you are worried about investing in Bitcoin. You needn’t worry, because I am here to share with you everything that I know and have learned about Bitcoin. And that’s more than just a Bit! Ha ha.

First, Bitcoin didn’t just fall off the armored currency truck into the news. It has been established for a loooooong time. How long? Would you believe that Bitcoin has been around just as long as Facebook has? That’s right. And can you remember a time when Facebook didn’t exist? No. I am sure that you can’t. I know I can’t. I love me some Facebook. And I love me some money. And right now my favorite money is Bitcoin.

Here are some other facts about Bitcoin to help you better understand what you are buying from me at this card table I’ve set up in Philadelphia’s Suburban Station:

  • Bitcoin is a “cryptocurrency”.  Merriam-Webster defines ‘crypto’ as  a person who adheres or belongs secretly to a party, sect, or other group.  So, in short, it is a secret currency! And I’m letting you in on the secret. The secret is… getting rich!

 

  • Because it is a cryptocurrency, bigtime financial experts (like me) authorized to hold and trade Bitcoins are known as “cryptkeepers”.  Now you can tell your friends at work that you met a cryptkeeper at the train station and you’re making sick bank! You’re already talking like a millionaire!

 

  • You may have read that you need to go online to buy Bitcoins from an approved exchange like Coinbase or such-and-such. Those guys expect you to give them your money and then “take their word for it” that they’re holding your Bitcoins. Huh?! What kind of dope would do that when all I’m asking you for is $500 and you can have the $16,000 Bitcoin that’s in my pocket right now.

 

  • In addition to the Bitcoin, you will get a Certificate of Authenticity so you know you’re getting a legit Bitcoin, signed by none other than Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin. Wanna know something else? Before he was Treasury Secretary, Steve Mnuchin was a Hollywood billionaire and — wait for it – a  cryptkeeper!

 

Thanks very much for your business and your trust. I just know we are going to be Best Bitcoin Cryptofriends. Here is my number, call if you have any questions.

 

 

 

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CNN declined an invitation to the White House Christmas Party this Friday, citing the President’s continued attacks on freedom of the press. The party is seen as a time for reporters to mingle with administration officials, and to hear carolers sing some of the President’s seasonal favorites like “White Christmas” and “Blood and Soil”.

Melania Trump also declined an invitation to the White House Christmas Party, saying she has a thing she booked over a year ago.

A New Hampshire doctor who refuses to use a computer lost her medical license, but continues to practice because she never got the email.

Victoria became the first Australian state to legalize euthanasia. Soon, terminally ill patients will be able to box a kangaroo to their death.

Bitcoin topped $11,000 for the first time, leading confused, cash-strapped seniors to turn the pockets of their church pants inside-out looking for one.

Matt Lauer was fired by NBC News after a report of sexual misconduct at the Sochi Winter Olympics. The news was reported by NBC’s Brian Williams, who filed a story that he witnessed the alleged misconduct, rescued the woman and then won a gold medal in men’s alpine ski jumping.

The United Kingdom will allow over-the-counter Viagra sales starting in the spring. The move is expected to create hundreds of new jobs as middle-aged men pay teenagers to go buy Viagra for them.

Marvel Studios released a new trailer for Avengers: Infinity War — depicting Iron Man, Hulk, Black Panther, Captain America, Black Widow and about 20 other Marvel heroes checking their watches 90 minutes into Justice League.

ESPN is laying off 150 more employees, none of whom are Rex Ryan or Randy Moss. Come on, man!

92-year-old actress Angela Lansbury stirred controversy when she said that women must sometimes “take the blame” for men’s sexual harassment. Many reacted in disbelief that Lansbury was actually pretty hot-looking 70 years ago.