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Tiger Woods posted his first selfie since his car accident. Doctors performed multiple surgeries to repair his shattered lower leg, including the insertion of a metal rod with a flag on it.

Joe Biden plans to establish a $15/hour minimum wage for federal contractors. “Woof! Woof!” said Champ & Major, who each blew their first day’s pay on Pupperoni.

Co-host Carrie Anne Inaba is taking a leave of absence from The Talk to focus on her health. Apparently she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Results of the 2020 Census place the U.S. population at 331 million people, none of whom feel the need to retweet one of my jokes.

The CDC will share new guidance on wearing masks outdoors, an announcement eagerly anticipated by socially responsible bears.

An 81-year-old man – the sole resident of the remote Italian Isle of Budelli since 1989 -is being forced to leave, since the Italian government is converting his hut into a Starbucks.

A giant alligator was spotted walking through the parking lot of a Publix supermarket in North Ft Myers, Florida. No one was injured, and the alligator did not enter the store, since it forgot its shoppers club card.

Microsoft restored service to Microsoft Teams productivity & online meeting software following an outage. The outage was detected after multiple companies reported thousands of employees having a really great day and getting things done.

Eastern and Midwest U.S. states are nearing the time when Brood X cicadas emerge for the first time in 17 years. They’re expected to fly around, ask you to Like their new Facebook Pages, then die.

Apple is spending $1 billion to build a campus in North Carolina that will employ 3,000 people. In other news, 3,000 kids in North Carolina just dropped out of junior high.

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Drinking a strong cup of coffee a half-hour before exercise has been found to increase fat-burning. Drinking the same coffee during exercise increases mouth-and-skin-burning.

Demi Lovato says in her new documentary that she used crack, which presumably began during filming of her Disney Channel movie ‘Camp Rock’.

Prince’s Paisley Park estate will commemorate the 5th anniversary of his death by allowing a small number of guests to come in and view his ashes, but they won’t be told how they were made purple.

Joe Biden’s dogs Major & Champ returned to the White House following their completion of discipline training – although every Republican Senator voted against their reappointment.

California’s Hope Of The Valley mission will use a $500,000 donation from Alex Trebek’s estate to help fund a new homeless shelter. Categories include “What’s That Smell”?; ‘Where’s My Stuff?’; “Who Are You?”; and “Potpurri”.

Jay Leno apologized for past jokes that offended Asian-Americans. Larry the Cable Guy apologized for jokes that offended the intelligence of everyone who heard them.

Model Chrissy Teigen deleted her Twitter account, which had grown to over 13 million followers. She posted “Live well, tweeters. Please know all I ever cared about was you.” To which her husband and two children replied “huh?”

Discount grocer Aldi is giving employees four hours of paid time off to get COVID-19 vaccines, but they have to bring their own syringe and needle.

Pepsi and candy maker Peeps are collaborating on new Peeps-flavored Pepsi drinks. They’re calling it ‘Pepsi x Peeps’, after rejecting alternate names such as ‘Peepsi’, ‘Liquid Type 2’, and ‘Gorilla Glue For Your Teeth’.

New Zealand will now require employers offer three days’ paid leave after miscarriages – which is both a compassionate step at a difficult time, and the latest foolproof way to fake your way to a long weekend.