By |

The CEO of cryptocurrency exchange Binance resigned after they were slapped with $4 billion in fines for money laundering and other illegal activities. They were also warned not to try paying the $4 billion with Dogecoin.

A mystery respiratory illness is spreading among dogs and baffling veterinarians. Vets are frantically contact-tracing to see if sick dogs sniffed the same infected butt.

Martha Stewart said she didn’t ‘cancel Thanksgiving’ after claiming she was “turkeyed out” on The Kelly Clarkson Show. Stewart stated she’s baking lemon tarts, cranberry tarts, chocolate pecan pies, pecan pies, pumpkin pies and a 20-pound bird. And boy, are her 30 assistants tired.

With Elon Musk allowing antisemitic and anti-Muslim comments on X, Paris Hilton’s media company pulled their advertising from the platform. But first, Paris asked her assistants to spell X just to make sure she was boycotting the right app.

American Airlines responded to viral video of a passenger’s wheelchair crashing on to the Miami International Airport tarmac as baggage handlers looked on. American assured everyone their baggage workers were far more careful handling the paraplegic who also flew to Miami in the cargo hold.

A woman flying from Florida to Philadelphia aboard Frontier Airlines pulled down her pants and threatened to urinate in the aisle because a flight attendant wouldn’t allow her to use the restroom. Since the woman wouldn’t pay Frontier Airlines $29, she had to wait and use the bucket like everyone else.

Susan Sarandon was dropped by her talent agency for remarks she made at a pro-Palensinian rally. Producers now have to recast and scrap two weeks of filming on Bad Moms Hanukkah.

Oprah Winfrey’s bestie Gayle King revealed on The Drew Barrymore Show that King’s former friend was secretly collecting $50,000 to set up meetings with her. She discovered it when the friend spilled her purse and King saw a $50,000 check from Drew Barrymore.

Daryl Hall is suing John Oates in a contract debt-related filing. Hall claims Oates is a little short.

Thousands of blue rubber balls washed up on a British beach were determined to come from a nearby power plant where they’re used to clean pipes. British men with blue balls on the beach fantasized about someone cleaning their pipes.

By |

480 Otis – a brown bear residing in Southwest Alaska – was declared the winner of ‘Fat Bear Week’, a public voting contest for overweight bears. Otis moves on to the global competition, where he’ll compete against other bears and obese gay guys.

The President of the New York Police Department Union resigned following an FBI raid of his house, after he blocked them at the door and requested his standard bribe to let them in.

The U.S. Department of Education announced a new student loan forgiveness program, which could erase the debt of up to 550,000 Grubhub drivers and baristas with Psychology degrees.

1,400 factory workers at Kellogg’s went on strike following a failed year of negotiations for better pay and benefits – described by a union spokestiger as “not GRRRRRREAT!”

Republicans continue to block Democratic efforts to raise the debt ceiling prior to a mid-October deadline. It’s so heated, Nancy Pelosi isn’t allowed to charge her lunch at the Congressional cafeteria.

Mark Zuckerberg fired back at a whistleblower’s claims that Facebook puts profit before people, saying it’s “just not true”. Zuck added they also put algorithms before people.

A woman suffered significant burns after running into a hot spring at Yellowstone National Park to retrieve her dog. The woman was treated for her injuries, and the hot spring now belongs to the dog since he urinated in it.

Experts claim to have positively identified California’s Zodiac Killer – responsible for murders in the late 60s – as Gary Francis Poste … a Sagittarius.

CNBC rated the Top Financial Advisory firms of 2021. Number One overall was Dana Investment Advisors of Wisconsin. Ranked last was your cousin who told you to sell your house and use the proceeds to buy Dogecoin.

National Hockey League official Ryan Gibbons was taken off the ice on a stretcher following a violent accidental collision with Arizona Coyotes center Liam O’Brien. Gibbons was diagnosed with a concussion immediately after he signaled a touchdown.

By |

NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter flew for 40 seconds in the thin atmosphere of Mars. They’re planning longer flights, just as soon as the Perseverance rover finishes painting a big ‘H’ on the ground.

Patrick Marleau of the NHL’s San Jose Sharks broke Gordie Howe’s league record for the most games played, and was presented with a new set of teeth.

Rocker Ted Nugent contracted COVID-19, or, as he calls it, Bat Scratch Fever.

Police in Texas say the driver’s seat was unoccupied when a Tesla vehicle slammed into a tree, killing two passengers. Unfortunately, the car was texting.

Former Fox News commentator Kimberly Guilfoyle joined the Senate campaign of disgraced former Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens. Guilfoyle said when she heard Greitens threatened blackmail against his hair stylist with nude photos, he was her kind of guy.

Reddit unveiled its Clubhouse app clone for group voice chats, called Reddit Talk. Now Redditors can hear multiple white supremacists & misogynists talk at once.

A 21-year-old was diagnosed with acute heart failure resulting from a habit of consuming four 16-ounce cans of Red Bull every day for several years. Surprisingly, he was still able to run to the hospital really quickly.

A backcountry guide in Yellowstone National Park was mauled to death by a grizzly bear, that apparently didn’t like taking directions.

Venmo announced it will allow transactions using cryptocurrency, so now you can forget to pay back the money you owe friends with Doge or Bitcoin.

Kourtney Kardashian posted a pic of her unbuttoned jeans & panties adorned with the word ‘Oui’ on Instagram, along with a poll “Rough sex? Love it or Leave it?” She promised to post the results as soon as her three kids, ages 11, 8 & 6, count the votes.