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Doctors and women are sharing stories of ‘Ozempic babies’ – born to women whose extreme weight loss restored their fertility. They’re thrilled to be pregnant but bummed out about the weight gain.

‘Mammoth’ – the world’s largest vacuum designed to remove pollution from the air, opened in Iceland. It sucks 36,000 tons of carbon emissions from the atmosphere each year, and takes 500 housekeepers to change the vacuum bag.

The CDC is warning of the new COVID variant, ‘FLiRT’. It infects you after convincing you to sign up for its OnlyFans.

Americans tip an average of $38/month. They say they’d rather tip less but don’t want to learn how to multiply by percentages.

American fans of Taylor Swift are traveling to Paris to see the first European shows of her Eras Tour, citing much lower prices they found on TicketMonsieur.

A cruise ship employee was arrested after going on a stabbing spree, thus cutting short the maiden voyage of the new Spirit Airlines Of The Sea cruise line.

Kardashians matriarch Kris Jenner announced she has a tumor in a preview of Season 5 of Hulu’s ‘The Kardashians’. The tumor then hired an agent and negotiated Season 1 of ‘Keeping Up With Kris Jenner’s Tumor’ on Peacock.

In a decades-long study, meats were shown to have the biggest negative impact on mortality of all ultraprocessed foods – citing heart attacks in grade school kids who doubled up on Lunchables.

Neuralink announced their first in-human brain transplant has experienced a problem. The company said the problem persisted after unplugging the implant, waiting 30 seconds, then plugging it back in again.

A woman in China removed an unconscious pig from her car and attempted to revive it with CPR on a busy highway. The pig died, but was later praised for having an especially tenderized pork belly.

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New research finds getting angry for just 8 minutes can raise the risk of heart attack and stroke. Doctors advise using relaxation techniques, or training to beat people up in 7 minutes or less.

A Pro-Palestine protestor on the campus of Stanford University was pictured wearing a Hamas headband. Even more disturbing was the protestor saying he bought the headband at Fanatics.

Women are reporting sagging ‘Ozempic breasts’ due to loss of fatty tissue as they drop weight. They say they can’t afford restorative implants because of Ozempic’s cost, so they’re turning to padded bras and the McDonald’s Dollar Menu.

TikTok and Universal Music Group agreed to an increased royalty payment structure, so now music from Universal artists like Ariana Grande and Billie Eilish can play while you attempt the newest deadly viral challenge.

The U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency plans to declassify marijuana as a less-dangerous Schedule III narcotic, thereby opening up legal interstate sales of it, and the inevitable Amazon Basics Weed.

Nose-pickers are more likely to incur serious staph infections. And are also more likely to lie about how they got a staph infection.

Red Lobster is reportedly on the verge of Chapter 11 bankruptcy, owing to ongoing losses from a popular Endless Shrimp promotion, and low demand for its Endless Mixed Vegetables promotion.

The judge in Donald Trump’s hush-money trial is holding another gag order hearing. He’s considering issuing a Talk All You Want About Anything Order, in hopes that Trump will violate that and shut up for once.

Viral video of a Miami-area bowling alley brawl shows one woman throwing bowling balls at another woman and hitting her in the head. There haven’t been this many Miami women getting hit with balls since Diddy’s last mansion party.

The executor of O.J. Simpson’s estate invited the families of murder victims Nicole Brown & Ronald Goldman to a meeting. He wouldn’t reveal any planned compensation to the families, but he did ask them if they needed golf clubs or football cards.

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Taylor Swift’s management team filed a trademark application for ‘TaylorCon”, fueling speculation of a Taylor Swift fan festival, or a conference where thousands of women can join together and sing about getting dumped.

Facebook turned 20, making it the only 20-year-old you know that actually spends time on Facebook.

UV nail polish dryers in salons were found to potentially cause cancer and changes to DNA. The DNA changes were so profound, some men getting manicures opted for long nails before singing and dancing while dressed as women.

Donald Trump asked his social media followers if he looks like Elvis. Many replied that he does, because they could see him having a fatal heart attack on the toilet.

Spectrum passed Comcast to become the U.S. biggest cable company, mainly because more customers are disconnecting from Comcast. Comcast responded by scheduling its first available disconnect appointments to September 2026.

An ‘atmospheric river’ could deliver up to 10 inches of rain in parts of California. Many San Francisco residents said they’d never had 10 inches, but would consider it.

Following a devastating fire, repairs are nearing completion at Paris’ historic Notre Dame Cathedral. A spokesperson for the Catholic Church said they hope to be open and molesting altar boys three weeks before Christmas.

While Patrick Mahomes seeks his 3rd Super Bowl ring with the Kansas City Chiefs, his father Patrick Mahomes Sr was arrested for his 3rd DUI, and received his 3rd pair of silver bracelets.

‘Jersey Shore’ Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino shared a video of saving his three-year-old son Romeo after he began choking on gnocchi. Sorrentino dislodged the gnocchi by striking Romeo in the back, without a second to spare after taking two minutes to remove his son’s four gold chains.

Researchers find that a switch to a vegan diet rapidly impacts the immune system. Specifically, the immune system wants to leave so it doesn’t have to keep hearing its person talk about becoming a vegan for the 1000th time.

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Captain Travis Zettel – commander of navy submarine USS Bremerton – was relieved of his duty after admitting to hiring prostitutes in the Philippines. This, despite Captain Zettel saving thousands of dollars he would have spent hiring them in Hawaii.

SpaceX announced it’s laying off 10% of its workforce, or about 700 employees, creating XtraSpaceX.

Hawaiian Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard announced she’s running for President in 2020 – making her an even bigger household name.

A Florida surgeon was fined $3,000 for removing a woman’s kidney that he thought was a tumor. Even worse, he was performing brain surgery.

Asymmetric jeans – with one fitted leg and one narrow leg – may be the next big style trend in women’s fashion. Most women agree they look ridiculous, but appreciate having to struggle with just one leg of them.

A 21-year-old male hide-and-seek player was found dead in an elevator shaft in an abandoned Detroit building the morning after the other players had gone home. He was posthumously declared the winner.

President Trump reportedly berated acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney in a meeting with Congressional Democrats regarding border security, saying “you just f**ked it all up”.  Trump overheard Mulvaney ordering Quarter Pounders instead of Big Macs from Uber Eats.

The Who announced 2019 summer tour dates. Or, as they’re known to anyone under 30, The Who?

A photo of an egg became the most-liked photo on Instagram with 23 million likes, surpassing the 18+ million likes from Kylie Jenner’s birth announcement photo last February. So the egg wins, even though the chick came first.

New research contradicts earlier studies pointing to Monday morning as the most-likely time to suffer a heart attack. Of the 2,631 heart attacks studied, most happened in the afternoon — proving that many people can’t get anything done until they’ve had their morning coffee.

Twitter is launching a new beta program to gather feedback on possible new features. “Why didn’t failing Twitter pick me to test new features? SAD!” wrote an anonymous user.

A handgun went undetected through a TSA security checkpoint at the Atlanta airport, and the passenger took it with them on a flight to Tokyo. TSA is investigating how they missed the gun, as well as the 10-gallon hat, spurs, holster, and horse.