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Claudia Ochoa Felix, a curvy brunette resembling Kim Kardashian and rumored head of the armed enforcement wing of the Sinaloa drug cartel, died over the weekend. Telemundo scrapped a reality show they were planning with Ochoa Felix, “Keeping Up With The Heroin Smugglers”.

An American Airlines mechanic accused of sabotaging a jet to collect overtime repairing it may have ties to terrorist groups, said investigators who noticed he got his degree from ITT Tech in Afghanistan.

  • American Airlines said they’re looking into it, and the only terrorists they know of working for the airline are bitter old flight attendants terrorizing passengers.

United Airlines said it’s changing the rules for pilot drinking. Pilots will need to stop drinking 12 hours before takeoff; the old rule said they need to stop 12 minutes before they land.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau admitted to wearing brownface in 2001 as part of an Aladdin costume. Trudeau said he was sorry, and that he remembered the evening for receiving the Worst Aladdin Costume award.

Instagram is restricting posts touting weight loss products and cosmetic procedures targeted at users under age 18, in what’s being called a major breakthrough in visibility for everyone over 50 on Instagram.

India banned vaping, citing government studies that it’s even more unhealthy than breathing outdoors in New Delhi.

The 2-0 Buffalo Bills have hired 600 police and security officials to curb rowdy fan behavior at their home opener. It’s the biggest police presence in Buffalo since their Super Bowl appearances, but those cops were always sent home at halftime.

Miami Dolphins linebacker Raekwon McMillAan said that, following a legal hit on Tom Brady in last Sunday’s game, he was told by a referee to “stay off Tom”. The ref was identified only as “Gisele”.

Amazon will now let you donate to presidential candidates using Alexa. “Okay stupid” said Alexa in response to an Amy Klobuchar donation.

A Rhode Island woman used a numbing agent for a toothache, then discovered it had turned her blood blue. Doctors are mystified, but the blue blood got her in to three exclusive country clubs.

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Washington state could become the first state in the U.S. to allow human composting. It’s unclear how many people will do it, since the procedure costs $5,500 –  in addition to an arm and a leg.

A 2-year-old will undergo STD testing after finding, and playing with, a used condom in the dining area of a McDonald’s restaurant in Australia. Health officials are also examining the purple semen found inside the condom.

A consumer advocacy group is suing the Department of Agriculture for continuing to certify chicken for human consumption that contains fecal bacteria. “And not just at Chipotle” said the lawsuit.

Botswana unveiled a large, near-flawless 20.46 carat blue diamond to rival the legendary Hope Diamond in size and purity. Botswana officials thanked diamond miners for their blood, sweat, more blood, and …well, mostly blood fighting to bring the diamond out.

Kim Kardashian said she would never bribe elite colleges to accept her children, when the kids could just advance their careers with a homemade porno movie.

A new study out of Britain finds that dog ownership is good for fitness, with dog owners more likely to get the recommended amount of exercise. The study also finds that dog ownership is risky for neighborhood friendships, since you’re more likely to wave at people with a bag of poop in your hands.

President Trump tweeted condolences for the victims of terror bombings in Sri Lanka, claiming that “138 million” people died. Trump later said he confused the number of Sri Lankans who died with the number of Americans citing his presidency wishing they were dead.

Following his team’s elimination in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Winnipeg Jets captain Blake Wheeler told a reporter asking what went wrong to “f**k off”. Wheeler also added “please”, in keeping with Canadians’ reputation for common courtesy.

Uber & Lyft are implementing new features in response to public outcry over rideshare safety. In addition to verifying the driver & vehicle, riders will be notified via the respective apps when drivers plan to commit a crime.

Senator Elizabeth Warren is proposing the cancellation of $640 billion in student debt. The $640 billion is the combined historic revenue of Devry, ITT Tech, Strayer & University of Phoenix.