By |

Walmart announced they’re hiring 50,000 more workers before May, 50 of whom are expected to still be there in June.

Drug overdose deaths reached a new annual record in 2021, caused by a surge in Fentanyl, and man-boosting Testofen in Nugenix Total T.

President Joe Biden demanded a faster reduction in gas prices. While at the gas station he also demanded three packs of wintergreen Life Savers and a bag of Werther’s Originals.

Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson is quitting after 13 years. Once a new CEO is confirmed, the Board Of Baristas will announce them by issuing a ceremonial cup with their name misspelled.

For the first time in the show’s history, ‘The Bachelor‘ Clayton Echard ended with every remaining Bachelorette either being dumped or rejecting him. In case you missed it, you can watch the same thing play out in every bar every Friday night.

Several NFL teams remain ‘in the mix’ for Houston Texans QB Deshaun Watson. It’s believed the asking price is multiple first round picks to acquire Watson and his 20+ sexual misconduct lawsuits.

The International Court of Justice ordered Russia to cease its invasion of Ukraine. Moments later, Rudy Giuliani filed an appeal on Russia’s behalf.

A UFC fighter subdued a man who opened fire in a Houston sushi restaurant. If you want to see the surveillance footage, it’ll cost you $60 on pay per view this Saturday.

Marylin Miglin, the “Queen Of Makeovers” from Home Shopping Network, died after a stroke. Memorial contributions can be made in four easy payments.

Kanye West ripped Pete Davidson over Davidson’s joke about wanting to have sex with a baby. Davidson was also ripped by two dozen male open-mic comedians for stealing their premise.

By |

A 47-year-old Florida woman died after her husband sued to have her treated with ivermectin. Ironically, she died of heartworms.

Jewelry retailer Pandora is ending their use of mined diamonds and switching to sustainable lab-made diamonds instead. They say this won’t impact the buying habits of cheap husbands & boyfriends who are out of ideas and buy charm bracelets.

A cat with a genetic mutation was born with four ears. It likes having three of them rubbed, and bites if you touch the fourth.

Experts criticized the judge in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial for having him pick juror numbers at random who will decide his fate. They said it went too far when Rittenhouse drew a 13th juror who will be his Secret Santa.

Ob/gyn Dr. Jennifer Gunter, author of The Vagina Bible, debunked a viral claim that women suffer from “winter vagina” – seasonal irritation caused by dry air. This led to an awkward conversation between Santa & Mrs. Claus, who’s been using it as her go-to excuse for several Christmases.

Los Angeles’ Staples Center – home of the NBA Lakers & NHL Kings – is being renamed the Crypto.com Arena. It’s a 20-year deal that will cost over $700 million in real money.

Activist shareholders of video game maker Activision/Blizzard are calling for CEO Bobby Kotick’s resignation, for failing to act on workplace claims of sexual harassment, and for making female soldiers in Call of Duty games wear camouflage bikinis.

CDC data show drug overdose deaths reached record highs during the pandemic – meaning so did drug abusers, kinda.

The CDC data showed the leading cause of overdose death was fentanyl, and the rarest death was one guy who really got carried away with Nugenix.

Attendees at the Baby2Baby charity gala in Los Angeles – dedicated to helping children in poverty – audibly groaned when Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos only donated $500,000. In a gift code.