By |

A study finds users of weight loss drug Wegovy maintain lower weight for up to four years – but are advised to hang on to those old pants just in case.

Joe Biden offered to debate Donald Trump with specific conditions, including that there not be an audience, that microphones cut off after alotted speaking time, and that the whole thing is wrapped up before 7pm bedtime.

McDonald’s is ending their policy of free drink refills, and reminding everybody they never had a free french fry refill policy to begin with.

Tree ring analysis was used to determine 2023 as the hottest summer in 2000 years. Then the scientists were arrested for cutting down 2000-year-old trees.

Graduates of Dyouville University in Buffalo, New York were given a commencement address by a robot using artificial intelligence. The robot told them to hurry up and leave town before winter.

Walgreens is offering its own cheaper version of opioid overdose drug naloxone. You get one free with every 10 oxy contin refills.

Google CEO Sundar Pichai demonstrated the company’s new Gemini AI, which has been updated to share more information, interact with others, find objects around the house, make schedules and do shopping. When he was done, dozens of single men & women proposed to Gemini.

The Portal – identical sculptures in Dublin & New York connected via live streaming video – has been temporarily shut down due to on-camera users flashing body parts, and because kids in both cities skip school to visit it hoping to see women & men flash body parts.

The sun shot out its biggest solar flare in two decades – then rolled over and lit a cigarette.

A Florida dentist faces calls to lose his license after publicly calling Jews “worse than Nazis” and calling on Allah to ‘annhilate’ them. Worse, he had the statements printed on the free toothbrushes he hands out to patients.

By |

The NHL’s Calgary Flames suspended head coach Bill Peters as the league investigates a former player’s claim that he used a vulgar racial slur. No one is buying Peters’ claim that he was saying “Canuck’er”.

The family of a 3-year-old Las Vegas girl was charged $2,659 to remove a plastic Polly Pocket doll shoe she shoved up her nose. They removed one themselves, but went to the emergency room because they couldn’t wait for the other shoe to drop.

The “Anonymous” Trump administration official and author of ‘A Warning’ said on Reddit that they’ll reveal their identity before the 2020 election. But, for now, they want to be known as “Anonymous” or their other alias, “Mac Pants”.

Actor Godfrey Gao died of a heart attack while filming an episode of Chinese television reality competition ‘Chase Me’.  Spoiler: they caught him.

According to Cancer Research, U.K., a simple finger test can identify the potential presence of lung cancer. You look at your fingers and see if there’s a lit cigarette in them.

A Chinese man suffered seizures while self-cooking pork and mutton at a ‘hot pot’ restaurant. It was later determined he had tapeworms on his brain from repeatedly eating undercooked meat. The man left a negative Yelp! review for the restaurant, but the worms left a favorable one for his brain.

Melania Trump was booed during an appearance to speak about opioids at a student assembly in Baltimore as part of her Be Best campaign. She later issued a statement to the press, stating “Barron you’re grounded.”

Disney is being blasted for the lack of originality in their new ‘Baby Yoda’ merchandise tied to Disney+ series ‘The Mandalorian’. Disney said they’ll get better, starting with the release of a video showing how Baby Yoda changes his own diaper with The Force.

Katie Holmes is being praised for sharing apparently unedited Instagram photos of her bare stomach, including some visible stretch marks. She has the stretch marks from her pregnancy, and from twisting her torso to avoid kissing Tom Cruise.

Food blog Eater posted seven tips for people planning to break up with someone in a restaurant. They include sitting at the bar, paying with cash, and abandoning the idea to ghost them like everyone else does these days.

 

By |

Hall of Fame NFL QB Y.A. Tittle died at age 90. Tittle played so long ago, ‘CTE’ was what concussed players said to sideline doctors when asked to spell ‘cat’ – before they were sent back in the game, anyway.

Analysts at Leerink, a boutique investment firm focusing on healthcare, say they’re certain that Amazon will be entering the prescription drug business. Fueling rumors? A new trademark application for the phrase Opioid Prime.

President Trump told Forbes magazine that he doesn’t think Rex Tillerson called him a moron, but implied that he would win if the two compared IQ tests. To prove his point, Trump stacked the four plastic donuts on the pole in a little under two minutes.

 

Raging California wildfires have destroyed several Napa Valley wineries. Oenophiles busily updated their profiles of the wine to say they tasted “notes of berry, smoky charcoal, and melted glass.”

The Ku Klux Klan placed flyers on cars parked at a North Carolina high school football game, protesting the removal of confederate monuments. The handouts were protested by civil rights advocates and the Chinese restaurant whose flyers were obscured by the KKK messages.

Many Americans chose to commemorate the traditional Columbus Day holiday by celebrating Indigenous Peoples Day instead – worrying mailmen who fear they won’t get the day off unless they’re Native American.

A 60 year-old Chicago Cubs fan is suing the team and Major League Baseball after being struck in the face by a foul ball which broke his nose, jaw and orbital bone. The Cubs countersued the man, saying his post-injury rendition of ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ was the worst they’ve ever heard.

Dancing With The Stars competitor Frankie Muniz talked to People Magazine about his memory loss. Hollywood casting directors also discussed their memory loss, forgetting to hire Muniz for anything.

Mike Ditka – speaking on a national radio show – said that there has been no oppression in the United States in the last 100 years that he knows of, offering his 1980s Chicago Bears ‘Super Bowl Shuffle’ video to prove blacks and whites live in perpetual harmony.

Microsoft announced that it will no longer release version updates or new hardware for its Windows 10 Mobile phone operating system, although you can still sync Windows 10 Phones with your Zune.