By |

Clinical trials show a drug commonly used to treat constipation, Prucalopride, improves memory in test subjects. Online message boards report a huge surge in people taking the drug, then taking the Jeopardy! Online Test while on the toilet.

Facebook, Instagram & WhatsApp all experienced a massive outage on Monday, leading to a steep drop in home-cooked Monday night dinners since they couldn’t be photographed & shared online.

Former White House advisor Stephanie Grisham says in her new tell-all book that Melania Trump wanted to send full-length mirrors to African children “so they could see they’re very strong”. But she was also worried damages in shipment would lead to their having seven years of bad luck.

Amazon is starting their Black Friday deals early, due to “supply chain issues” – which is what they call bathroom breaks for warehouse workers.

Amazon is also instituting a $10 fee for grocery deliveries from its Whole Foods subsidiary. They say the fee includes delivery drivers telling customers which organic produce in the order is already rotten.

Rapper Boosie Badazz confirmed he’d been kicked off the Legendz Of The Streetz mega-tour because of an onstage fight and a shooting during his appearance at a Baltimore club. Promoters told him to come back once he’s Boosie ResponsibleAzz.

Dr. Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young continues her battle over their divorce settlement, claiming Dre had at least three mistresses while married. Proceedings have dragged on for months due to time involved for her lawyers to ‘depose dese hos’.

NASA’s DART mission – Double Asteroid Redirection Test – will deliberately crash a spacecraft into an asteroid to alter its path near Earth. The mission will be captained by one of the only NASA astronauts with several confirmed DUIs.

Sarah Silverman criticized the casting of non-Jewish actors to play Jewish roles. Because there aren’t enough Jewish people involved in making decisions in Hollywood.

Major League Baseball’s Cleveland Guardians – formerly Indians – will continue to sell Indians merchandise and donate the proceeds to Native American charities. They’ll also sell Guardians merchandise, but donate most of it to third-world countries.

By |

UFC President Dana White said he’s securing a private island to host upcoming pay-per-view fights, though it’s unclear whether fans will still put up the money to watch two chimpanzees fight each other.

A fire at a Florida airport destroyed 3,500 rental cars. It’s being called a total loss, because even the rental car companies declined the insurance.

Shares of Carnival Cruise Lines soared after the Saudi sovereign wealth fund bought 8% of the company. In exchange, Carnival agreed to provide cabins for all the wives in the harems.

Vermont ordered Costco, Target and other big-box stores to only sell essential items. There are now complete aisles in the stores dedicated to maple syrup.

Walmart joined other stores that are holding shopping hours exclusively for seniors. This, in addition to the exclusive 12-hour days for underpaid seniors working there.

Reports speculate that AMC movie theaters may not recover from current closures and may shut down for good. Other theaters would still take AMC’s popcorn inventory and sell it.

April’s full moon tonight will be the biggest supermoon of the year, owing to the moon’s orbit being closest to Earth. It’s so big, you’ll be able to see extraterrestrials social distancing.

White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham will leave her post without having held a single press briefing and return to being Melania Trump’s chief of staff. Grisham welcomed the move, saying she’s glad to go from doing nothing, to almost nothing.

Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh expressed concern about hackers disrupting the NFL’s upcoming ‘virtual draft’. The Cincinnati Bengals say they’re not worried and are expected to select Hugh G. Rection first overall.

UFC fighter Anthony Smith caught a robber breaking in to his Nebraska home. Smith was able to subdue the robber, who clutched jewelry in one hand, but tapped out with the other.