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Doctors and women are sharing stories of ‘Ozempic babies’ – born to women whose extreme weight loss restored their fertility. They’re thrilled to be pregnant but bummed out about the weight gain.

‘Mammoth’ – the world’s largest vacuum designed to remove pollution from the air, opened in Iceland. It sucks 36,000 tons of carbon emissions from the atmosphere each year, and takes 500 housekeepers to change the vacuum bag.

The CDC is warning of the new COVID variant, ‘FLiRT’. It infects you after convincing you to sign up for its OnlyFans.

Americans tip an average of $38/month. They say they’d rather tip less but don’t want to learn how to multiply by percentages.

American fans of Taylor Swift are traveling to Paris to see the first European shows of her Eras Tour, citing much lower prices they found on TicketMonsieur.

A cruise ship employee was arrested after going on a stabbing spree, thus cutting short the maiden voyage of the new Spirit Airlines Of The Sea cruise line.

Kardashians matriarch Kris Jenner announced she has a tumor in a preview of Season 5 of Hulu’s ‘The Kardashians’. The tumor then hired an agent and negotiated Season 1 of ‘Keeping Up With Kris Jenner’s Tumor’ on Peacock.

In a decades-long study, meats were shown to have the biggest negative impact on mortality of all ultraprocessed foods – citing heart attacks in grade school kids who doubled up on Lunchables.

Neuralink announced their first in-human brain transplant has experienced a problem. The company said the problem persisted after unplugging the implant, waiting 30 seconds, then plugging it back in again.

A woman in China removed an unconscious pig from her car and attempted to revive it with CPR on a busy highway. The pig died, but was later praised for having an especially tenderized pork belly.

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A new study finds heated car seats can lower male fertility by killing sperm. Female fertility could also be lowered due to fried eggs.

Eight suspicious U.S. citizens’ deaths in Colombia are linked to dating apps. Police are specifically targeting dating app Plenty Of Drug Mules.

Two UK men used gay dating app Grindr to set up dates with men and rob them – making them literal butt pirates.

Sotheby’s is auctioning a suit worn by Nicole Kidman in her corny 2021 ads urging people to return to the ‘magic’ of AMC Theaters – just as soon as they get the imitation butter-flavored topping stains out of it.

Oprah Winfrey’s longtime makeup artist died. He was fondly remembered by most, while other accused him of doing blackface.

Fox Network is bringing back true crime series ‘America’s Most Wanted‘. The first 13 episodes are just trying to round up more January 6th guys.

Paroled mob boss and 19-time murderer Sammy ‘the Bull’ Gravano said Donald Trump is ‘incorruptible’. Russian President and murderer Vladimir Putin said he isn’t so sure.

The wife of Milli Vanilli’s Fabrice Morvan filed for divorce. His lawyer will do the singing for him.

Bobi, who was posthumously named ‘Oldest Dog Ever’ at age 31 by the Guinness Book of Records, had its record rescinded while recordkeepers investigate. Meanwhile, the world’s Second Oldest Dog Ever is currently being told about the great farm he’s going to.

The Miami Dolphins/Kansas City Chiefs NFL playoff game aired exclusively on Peacock was the most-streamed live event in history with 23 million viewers. The next day, Peacock broke a different record with 22 million cancellations.

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Amazon founder Jeff Bezos passed Microsoft founder Bill Gates as the world’s richest person. Then Gates emptied his pants pockets on laundry day and reclaimed the title.

CVS Pharmacy is in talks to acquire health insurance giant Aetna, as CVS seeks synergy between their incredibly long receipts and Aetna’s incredibly long red tape.

A new study in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine links pesticides used by fruit & vegetable growers to reduced fertility in women. The study was commissioned by fraternity scumbags looking to avoid condom use by giving their dates apples & strawberries.

United Airlines new Los Angeles-to-Singapore route is the longest-ever flight for a U.S. domestic carrier. The 18-hour route consists of a 16-hour flight preceded by 2 hours of coach passenger dragging drills by United flight attendants.

A 10-year-old boy led Ohio State Highway Patrol on an hour-long chase, with speeds reaching nearly 100 mph. The boy was ultimately apprehended safely, although his Big Wheel was totaled.

October, 2017 is the lowest-grossing month for movies in 10 years, with receipts totaling less than $600 million — most of which was hush money paid to ticket takers by people seeking to remain anonymous while seeing Boo 2: A Madea Halloween.

Constellation Brands, the company that owns Corona Beer, is investing in Canopy Growth, a Canadian marijuana grower, as it seeks to expand its dominant wallet share of 40+ divorced loser dads.

Startup Babylon Health is using artificial intelligence and data mining to predict when you’ll be sick; investors are skeptical since the best predictions it’s made so far are ‘the night of your birthday’ and ‘the morning after the Super Bowl’.

Former Trump Campaign Manager Paul Manafort was indicted on federal charges including money laundering and tax fraud. He is expected to post his cash bail in a woven Ukrainian basket as soon as he finishes laundering it.

The Trump Campaign responded to the Manafort indictment by sending out a fundraising email titled ‘Still Standing’, asking Trump supporters to donate one dollar. The email was authored by Eric Trump, evidenced by the heavy use of smiley, fire and moneybag emojis.