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The estate of the late Paul Reubens – ‘Pee Wee Herman’ is auctioning furniture from his private collection. Buyers are advised that the furniture does not talk, and seats from his private screening room are sold ‘as is’.

ESPN host Pat McAfee apologized for calling WNBA Indiana Fever rookie Caitlin Clark a “white b*tch” while praising her impact on the league. McAfee promised to only use the phrase when referring to caucasian male athletes he doesn’t like.

A Delta Airlines first class passenger had a “poop accident” which caused the entire front of the aircraft to stink. Other passengers praised the flight attendant’s handling of the difficult situation, as she used her heel to kick out a window so oxygen masks deployed.

A Philadelphia city crossing guard was arrested for giving cannabis edibles to teenagers on their way to school. None of the kids are learning anything, but everyone’s chill and hallway fistfights are way down.

Donald Trump lost his New York State gun permit after his felony conviction. He’s still expected to get off 100 shots at his Florida & New Jersey golf courses, then say he shot 70.

A toddler was lifted in to the air by her shirt by a giraffe as the family drove through a Texas safari park. The giraffe lowered the toddler back down without injury, but the toddler will be a little quicker to hand over the Skittles next time.

For the first time ever, ocean wildlife observers in Australia witnessed a tiger shark regurgitating a whole echidna – a dome-shaped sea mammal covered in spines. In another first, that same day, they witnessed a different shark regurgitate an entire Arby’s Beef & Cheddar combo.

A 2022 study asserted that 38 percent of WNBA players are gay. A similar study of NBA players remains incomplete because 10 percent of the players haven’t returned the questionnaire.

Author Suzanne Collins announced a fifth ‘Hunger Games’ book – a prequel set 24 years before the original – tentatively titled “No Thanks I’m Full’.

A new sexually-transmitted fungal infection, TMVII, was found on a New York City man, with rashes on his penis, buttocks & limbs after he traveled to Greece, England & California and had sex with partners in each location. Worse, he can’t find a doctor he can pay in frequent flier miles.

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Amazon plans to release an enhanced version of Alexa and charge a subscription fee. Although single men may not pay for an enhanced woman just to hear what she has to say.

MV Dali, the cargo ship that crashed into and toppled Baltimore’s Key Bridge, was finally pulled from the wreckage and hauled to a nearby port. “Hello, Dali” said the harbormaster.

TV streamer Hulu is releasing special programming for Pride Month. Although women already can’t stream romantic comedies on Hulu without their boyfriends and husbands telling them how gay they are.

Taylor Swift appeared to have a hickey on her neck during her most recent concert. Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker sent a video to teammate Travis Kelce warning of the dangers of ‘heavy necking and petting’.

Scarlett Johansson is suing Open AI for using a near-replica of her voice for their Chat GPT product. Chat GPT said they don’t have the money because they mistakenly hired Fran Drescher and paid her millions to stop talking.

A New Jersey teen enlisted Philadelphia Phillies superstar Bryce Harper for a ‘promposal’. He went with the teen to the girl’s house to ask her to go to prom with the boy, then asked if she wanted to go on the team’s next road trip to Los Angeles.

Graceland is reportedly under foreclosure due to an alleged unpaid debt by the late Lisa Marie Presley. Her daughter Riley Keough is suing to stop a foreclosure auction, saying there is no debt, and the lender ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, lyin’ all the time.

A hiker walking in Grand Teton National Park was attacked by a grizzly bear. He survived and is listed in critical condition. The bear suffered two missing teeth.

Russia reportedly launched a space weapon capable of shooting down U.S. satellites in orbit. They’re currently taking a collection to shoot down whatever satellite transmits Real Time with Bill Maher for HBO.

Teenage boys annual spending on fragrances rose 26%, as they turn to more expensive options. Experts believe the trend is driven by girlfriends who give them money to buy anything besides Axe.