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Protesters object to a planned wind turbine farm off the coast of Atlantic City. They say the turbines will harm ocean life; proponents claim that wind power will somehow create even more blow jobs for Atlantic City.

A sixth grader completed a science fair project called “Does your cat’s butthole really touch all the surfaces in your house?” by applying lipstick to two cats’ rectums and tracking them. The kid got an ‘A’, but his mom’s goodnight kiss with her date was a disappointment.

The City of Philadelphia lifted some restrictions on outdoor dining and other activities, giving gangs even more stuff to shoot at.

To battle diseases, Florida will release over 100,000 genetically-engineered non-biting male mosquitoes, so they’ll mate with biting females, with female offspring unable to survive. They’ll measure success by observing mosquito gender-reveal parties.

Meat processing brand Farmer John no longer makes Dodger Dogs, the official hot dog of the Los Angeles Dodgers. The team now sells ‘Traditional Dodger Dogs’, and every vendor and concession stand lost a Michelin star.

Boeing posted their sixth consecutive quarterly loss, telling angry shareholders that profits are dropping faster than a 737MAX.

Caitlyn Jenner’s sons are reportedly unhappy about her announced run for Governor of California. Jenner said she didn’t plan to run for Governor, but did so because her original plan to retire & get pregnant didn’t work out.

NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter snapped a photo of the Perseverance rover while it flew on Mars. Then Perseverance made it go back and take three more and pick a flattering filter.

Pfizer’s CEO says an antiviral pill to treat COVID-19 could be available by the end of the year. They just need to figure out how patients on ventilators can swallow it.

Kanye West told the New York Post’s Page Six that, after his divorce from Kim Kardashian, he wants his next relationship to be with “an artist and a creative person”. So, not just any stripper.

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NASA’s Ingenuity helicopter flew for 40 seconds in the thin atmosphere of Mars. They’re planning longer flights, just as soon as the Perseverance rover finishes painting a big ‘H’ on the ground.

Patrick Marleau of the NHL’s San Jose Sharks broke Gordie Howe’s league record for the most games played, and was presented with a new set of teeth.

Rocker Ted Nugent contracted COVID-19, or, as he calls it, Bat Scratch Fever.

Police in Texas say the driver’s seat was unoccupied when a Tesla vehicle slammed into a tree, killing two passengers. Unfortunately, the car was texting.

Former Fox News commentator Kimberly Guilfoyle joined the Senate campaign of disgraced former Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens. Guilfoyle said when she heard Greitens threatened blackmail against his hair stylist with nude photos, he was her kind of guy.

Reddit unveiled its Clubhouse app clone for group voice chats, called Reddit Talk. Now Redditors can hear multiple white supremacists & misogynists talk at once.

A 21-year-old was diagnosed with acute heart failure resulting from a habit of consuming four 16-ounce cans of Red Bull every day for several years. Surprisingly, he was still able to run to the hospital really quickly.

A backcountry guide in Yellowstone National Park was mauled to death by a grizzly bear, that apparently didn’t like taking directions.

Venmo announced it will allow transactions using cryptocurrency, so now you can forget to pay back the money you owe friends with Doge or Bitcoin.

Kourtney Kardashian posted a pic of her unbuttoned jeans & panties adorned with the word ‘Oui’ on Instagram, along with a poll “Rough sex? Love it or Leave it?” She promised to post the results as soon as her three kids, ages 11, 8 & 6, count the votes.

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Krispy Kreme is giving a free glazed doughnut per day to anyone showing a COVID-19 vaccination card. They say the offer is only for people getting a COVID-19 vaccine, and is not valid for insulin shots.

The Supreme Court agreed to hear a Massachusetts request to reinstate Boston Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s death sentence, with a spokesperson for the Court adding “this oughta be a quick one”.

20,000 Buddhists gathered via Zoom to celebrate Makha Bucha Day, one of their holiest days, where they celebrate principles like the quest for enlightenment, and the quest to figure out Zoom.

A new Microsoft study finds Generation Z workers think remote work makes them miss out on career growth from being around people in an office. The study researched 200 remote workers that Microsoft just fired.

Buckingham Palace is considering hiring a ‘Diversity Czar’, to help the Royal Family and their employees display empathy and foster understanding toward all shades of white people.

The NASA Mars Perseverance Rover shared a first look at partner vehicle, the Ingenuity Helicopter. A martian climbed out of the helicopter but stood up too soon and lost its head.

A top Fox Network executive died of COVID-19 complications. “We can’t believe it” said Fox News employees, meaning the coronavirus.

A ton of frozen pasta is being recalled because it was never inspected. Officials say you should return or throw out any products from Chef BoyarDisease.

Former Missouri Governor Eric Greitens, who resigned following a scandal where he blackmailed a hairdresser with nude photos, is running for the Senate. He said he’s the right guy to represent the Show Me..Yours state.

Women are more likely than men to have skipped healthcare visits during the pandemic, according to a study of men who have heard all about it.