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A Southwest Airlines jet is being investigated for taking off from a closed runway at Portland Airport. Meanwhile, a Spirit Airlines jet is being investigated after taking off from a dirt road in rural Alabama after picking up their last passenger at home.

Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft remains stuck at the International Space Station, with no definitive date for return. According to the Starliner crew, the guy ordered the parts but shipping takes, like, forever.

Steve Bannon’s final appeal for contempt of Congress failed and he must report to prison. Other prisoners looking at his belly realized they’ll need at least an 8-inch shank if it’s going to make a difference.

Uno and other board games are being modified so that colorblind people can enjoy them – taking away the last good excuse colorblind people had for saying “no thanks” to playing Uno on Thanksgiving and watching the football game.

Democrats are evalutating whether or not Joe Biden should drop out of the Presidential Race after his poor debate performance. Especially considering that his next faceoff with Donald Trump is a Presidential Big Mac Eating Contest.

WNBA Phoenix Mercury stars Diana Taurasi and Britney Griner were praised for taking a brief pregame moment to shake hands and speak with new Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark. Griner took an extra couple of seconds to repeat her cell phone number.

A new business trend is ‘fractional hiring’ – where businesses hire professionals possessing specific expertise on a part-time or contract basis. Those fractional hires then totally fire the more expensive full-time employees.

Walt Disney World reopened the Rock n’ Roller Coaster after a six-month refurbishment. It received a rave review from the guy and his kid who’ve been standing in line waiting to ride it since late January.

An anti-aging drug, rapamycin, has reportedly been proven to extend the life of mice in lab trials – so that the mice can go on to participate in other lab trials that will certainly shorten their life.

New York Police made multiple arrests when brawls broke out in the city’s Washington Square Park following the June 30th Pride Parade. Cops left the riot gear in their van after witnessing some of the softest punches ever thrown.

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Following their divorce, Melinda Gates is stepping down as Co-Chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation – which will continue its charitable work as the Bill Gates & Some Hot Girl That Jeffrey Epstein Introduced Him To Foundation.

Judge Judy is suing the National Inquirer for publishing a story claiming she’s helping the Menendez Brothers get a new trial. Judy claims she’s not pushing for their retrial, but she is hoping they get freed so they can co-star with her in a sitcom.

The WNBA started funding teams’ charter travel to road games. Two teams traveled on charter jets, two more traveled on charter buses, and the rest charter hitchhiked.

A Montgomery County, Pennsylvania man appeared in court after his arrest for allegedly breaking in to two women’s apartments and stealing their underwear. His attorney plans to file briefs with the court once he collects them all from the defendant.

Red Lobster workers in the Northeast were ‘blindsided’ as the chain abruptly closed 50 restaurants. Managers, servers & kitchen staff were given no warning, and lobsters had to find their own rides back to the ocean.

Kelly Clarkson finally admitted using a weight-loss drug to help shed approximately 60 pounds, but that “it isn’t Ozempic”. She’s previously claimed she lost the weight via “walks and cold plunges”, leading people to assume she took an ice bath after walking to liposuction.

Google is beta-testing a feature on its Google Messages app that allows users to edit text messages after they’ve already been sent. This comes as welcome news to everyone who’s ever texted ‘go duck yourself’ to someone.

Three inmates who bludgeoned notorious crime boss Whitey Bulger to death in a West Virginia prison accepted plea deals. Charges weren’t announced, but are believed to be assault, and unlawful use of the free weights in the recreation yard.

Following the resignation of Miss Teen USA for issues with pageant management, the runner-up said she doesn’t want the crown either. If one of the other 48 contestants doesn’t take it, the title will go to Miss Pre-Teen USA.

Kate Gosselin posted a Happy Birthday message to 4 of her sextuplets as they turned 20. The other two no longer speak to her and sided with their father, Jon. An older set of twins also took Kate’s side. Seizing on the dysfunction, TLC Network is offering them a new show, ‘Jon & Kate Plus Hate’.

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Only 60% of student loan borrowers made payments once they were resumed in October, according to students borrowers asking their parents if they made the payment.

Brazilian model Caroline Werner slammed the country’s legal system after she was arrested and handcuffed for walking her dogs while topless on a local beach. Men on the beach defended Werner, saying they’re always happy to see those puppies.

Pennsylvania is considering a bill mandating active-shooter panic alarms in schools – providing kids hoping to cancel tests witb a second option after the fire alarm.

Uber introduced a new service returning gifts for customers. Drivers are currently learning how to sexually harass sweaters and small appliances.

A bird strike forced the emergency landing of a Southwest Airlines flight. Taking a cue from Southwest, the bird cancelled all of its remaining flights that day.

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert announced she won’t run for reelection in the third Congressional district where she lives, but will run in the state’s fourth district. She considered abandoning Colorado altogether, but found out OnlyFans customers don’t get their own Congressman.

Donald Trump issued an angry social media post refuting an accusation that he “bullied” his way to a cameo in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. He then reiterated his claim that the Wet Bandits stole votes in battleground states.

University of Wisconsin LaCrosse fired Chancellor Joe Gow after discovering he & his wife made & distributed porn videos on adult websites. However, he retains his title as Professor Emeritus of Enterpreneurship & Poundin’ It.

A woman sued her dentist, after alleging he performed 4 root canals, 8 crowns and 20 fillings in a single visit. On the bright side, she met her deductible payment for 2023.

Author Emma Flint faces criticism for defining herself as “abrosexual” – someone whose sexual identity fluctuates and changes. Flint’s supporters include many convicted felons, who say their own sexual identity changed after they went to prison.