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Former White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders is joining Fox News. She becomes the network’s biggest female talent.

Amazon opened its largest office building in the world in Hyperabad, India. It has room for 15,000 employees and one restroom.

A Manhattan man was killed after an elevator car he was exiting malfunctioned. A friend is expected to give him the world’s briefest eulogy: “Going up.”

Costco is opening its first warehouse club in China. They’re hiring extra forklift operators and EMTs to rescue customers crushed trying to carry bulk bags of rice.

Website Business Insider ranked nine brands of hard seltzer and industry leader White Claw emerged as #1.  The non-scientific survey was conducted during a free period for the 50 high school sophomore girls participating.

Godzilla made a ceremonial plate appearance before a professional baseball game in Japan. He struck out swinging his short arms, breathed fire on the pitcher and was ejected.

A priest in Chester County, Pennsylvania is accused of stealing $125,000 to fund his lavish lifestyle, including a beach house and relationships with men. Parishioners grew suspicious when he hired a sommelier for the altar wine.

Golfer Brooks Koepka posed nude for ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue. He said those criticizing him don’t have the Titleists to do it themselves.

Tom Brady’s request to have the name “Tom Terrific” trademarked was denied based on its association with baseball Hall of Famer Tom Seaver. His trademark request for “Tom The Cheating Ball Deflater” was approved, but isn’t expected to do him much good.

Liam Hemsworth told E! News when he decided it was time to file for divorce from Miley Cyrus — his wedding day.

 

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SunTrust and BB&T banks are merging and changing names to Truist. Asked to use it in a sentence, the CEO said “the Truist way to profitability is bounced check fees.”

A government watchdog group has recommended that White House Advisor Kellyanne Conway be removed. The group is the Department of Hair, Makeup & Wardrobe.

  • They asked that Trump go too, but can’t do anything to a sitting President.

The Toronto Raptors won the NBA title, defeating the Golden State Warriors in six games. Prime Minister Trudeau’s staff is busily scheduling the team’s visit to 24 Sussex for a champion’s heat lamp buffet of McPoutine’s and Back Bacon King.

The New York Times shared a preliminary design of the Harriet Tubman $20 bill. It was reworked following a first draft showing Thomas Jefferson next to Tubman asking her out for drinks.

Scientists at Florida State University’s ‘MagLab’ – for the study of magnetic fields – have made the world’s strongest magnet. They’ve already received inquiries from Floridians interested in sticking an alligator to their refrigerator.

President Trump announced the departure of Press Secretary Sarah Sanders at a White House event promoting second chance programs for convicted felons. This way, their applications will be on top of the pile.

Nintendo is considering a move of its manufacturing operations out of China – to avoid U.S. import tariffs, and based on intelligence that Mario may be sharing intel secrets.

Bentley introduced a new sedan with a top speed of 207 miles per hour. Still, the 2020 Bentley Flying Spur is no match for the 1940 Oak Tree.

Google is ending integration of Google Photos and Google Drive. They say users find it ‘confusing’, adding that the move will make it much easier for Google to dis-integrate your content.

The first Democratic presidential candidate debates will air over two nights, June 26 & 27, on NBC Networks. Viewers are being tricked into watching by ads calling the debates ‘This Is 20 Of Us’.

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The body of 48-year-old Todd Keeling was found in a beer cooler before an Atlanta Braves game at Sun Trust Park. Reports originally stated that he died in a walk-in freezer, but were corrected when police said they found the body surrounded in Silver Bullets. [story h/t to Chris Schmidt!!]

Sir Ray Davies announced that legendary British rockers The Kinks are getting back together, as soon as they work themselves out.

Missouri State University Associate Sociology professor Alicia Walker is asking for 3,600 explicit photos of flaccid and erect penises to explore how a man’s penis size affects the rest of his life. She expects to complete the photo-gathering phase of the study after joining Tinder for 15 minutes.

  • Professor Walker’s hypothesis is that men with large penises self-identify as being happier with their life, as do their wives & girlfriends, although the women self-report many more headaches.

Sarah Sanders is getting Secret Service protection. Visitors to the Pennsylvania Avenue Arby’s are asked to budget extra time for visits between Noon and 1:30pm.

Brazilian swimsuit model Sabrina Jales St Pierre is suing the Embassy Suites in Palm Desert, California, saying she suffered so many bedbug bites during her stay there that she had to turn down modeling work. Furthermore, she said that she was the target of inappropriate comments from the bedbugs when they saw her at the free breakfast buffet the next morning.

White House officials announced that Melania Trump is making a second visit to the Mexican border, to check the progress of her tunnel.

Joe Jackson, patriarch of the singing Jackson Family, passed away at age 89. A statement released by the family said “Hee-heeeeee is dead.”

The Florida Department of Health is warning beachgoers about an outbreak of biting sea lice off the state’s northwest shores. The lice, which are actually jellyfish larvae, leave itchy irritated rashes, and are known to attack tourists by angrily declaring stretches of Pensacola as a Locals Only Beach, brah!

Justice Anthony Kennedy announced that he’s retiring from the Supreme Court, effective July 31st. President Trump announced he’ll compile a list of nominees after meeting them at a rally in Charlottesville.

Google gave journalists a demonstration of Google Duplex, a human-sounding artificial intelligence product that makes human-sounding phone calls on your behalf to automate things like making restaurant reservations, hair appointments, and getting shut down calling hot women for dates.