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The estate of the late Paul Reubens – ‘Pee Wee Herman’ is auctioning furniture from his private collection. Buyers are advised that the furniture does not talk, and seats from his private screening room are sold ‘as is’.

ESPN host Pat McAfee apologized for calling WNBA Indiana Fever rookie Caitlin Clark a “white b*tch” while praising her impact on the league. McAfee promised to only use the phrase when referring to caucasian male athletes he doesn’t like.

A Delta Airlines first class passenger had a “poop accident” which caused the entire front of the aircraft to stink. Other passengers praised the flight attendant’s handling of the difficult situation, as she used her heel to kick out a window so oxygen masks deployed.

A Philadelphia city crossing guard was arrested for giving cannabis edibles to teenagers on their way to school. None of the kids are learning anything, but everyone’s chill and hallway fistfights are way down.

Donald Trump lost his New York State gun permit after his felony conviction. He’s still expected to get off 100 shots at his Florida & New Jersey golf courses, then say he shot 70.

A toddler was lifted in to the air by her shirt by a giraffe as the family drove through a Texas safari park. The giraffe lowered the toddler back down without injury, but the toddler will be a little quicker to hand over the Skittles next time.

For the first time ever, ocean wildlife observers in Australia witnessed a tiger shark regurgitating a whole echidna – a dome-shaped sea mammal covered in spines. In another first, that same day, they witnessed a different shark regurgitate an entire Arby’s Beef & Cheddar combo.

A 2022 study asserted that 38 percent of WNBA players are gay. A similar study of NBA players remains incomplete because 10 percent of the players haven’t returned the questionnaire.

Author Suzanne Collins announced a fifth ‘Hunger Games’ book – a prequel set 24 years before the original – tentatively titled “No Thanks I’m Full’.

A new sexually-transmitted fungal infection, TMVII, was found on a New York City man, with rashes on his penis, buttocks & limbs after he traveled to Greece, England & California and had sex with partners in each location. Worse, he can’t find a doctor he can pay in frequent flier miles.

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An 88-year-old man arrived at a French hospital with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum, forcing the facility to evacuate. The shell was removed by doctors, who were happy detonation was avoided by the lack of Mexican food in France.

U.S. law enforcement officers seized enough fentanyl to kill every American in 2022, and enough cash for Border Patrol officers to give themselves nice Christmas bonuses.

United States Postal Service trucks will transition from gas to electric by 2026, or whenever your 2022 Christmas deliveries arrive, whichever is later.

Allegiant Airlines failed to load any checked baggage on a flight from Bellingham, Washington to Oakland, California. Allegiant announced their baggage handlers will no longer be trained at Philadelphia International Airport.

A lawyer was kicked out of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular because her law firm is suing the owner of Radio City. She’s now also suing for personal injury after being kicked by every Rockette on her way out.

New head of DC Comics movies James Gunn, having fired Henry Cavill as Superman, said no decision has been made regarding Gal Gadot’s status as Wonder Woman. Meanwhile, the Super Friends added Gunn to their list of Super Frenemies.

A massive winter storm across the U.S. promises to make this the coldest Christmas in decades, and colder still for every guy who buys their wife or girlfriend fitness equipment.

Outgoing Arizona Governor Doug Ducey will remove a border wall he commissioned, made out of stacked shipping containers. No word on plans for the 2,000 migrants living in the shipping containers.

The NHL’s Buffalo Sabres postponed Friday’s home game against the Tampa Bay Lightning due to what meteorologists are calling a “once in a generation” winter storm – or, what Buffalo residents are calling a “once every couple weeks” storm.

A new study finds red dye used in Skittles, Doritos and other snacks could trigger irritable bowel diseases – or, as they’re now known, Sour Cherry & Flamin’ Hot irritable bowel diseases.

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‘Walking Dead’ actor Scott Wilson died, but is expected to make unbilled cameos in future episodes.

After an 11-year-long study, Candystore.com declared that Skittles are America’s favorite Halloween candy.  Kids praised Skittles for being as easy to throw at their friends’ heads as candy corn, while also being fun to actually eat.

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigned, saying her decision had nothing to do with her boss being laughed out of the room during Show & Tell several weeks earlier.

Tristan Thompson departed for Cleveland to join the NBA Cavaliers, while girlfriend and Baby Mama Khloe Kardashian remained in L.A. with their daughter. Kardashian insists that they’re still together; Thompson describes it as more of an 82-game break.

A 27-year-old Indian man checked into rehab for what he described as a Netflix addiction – watching 7 hours of shows every day for 6 straight months. His girlfriend called the man ‘all Netflix, no chill’.

Alex Spanos, longtime owner of the AFL/NFL San Diego (now Los Angeles) Chargers, died. Players await a decision from Commissioner Roger Goodell’s office to see if they can kneel at the funeral.

Following Taylor Swift’s Instagram post promoting voting for Democratic Party candidates in Tennessee, voter registration spiked in the state. Newly-registered 18-year-olds in Tennessee are saying they can’t wait to vote for Taylor Swift.

A rare white tiger mauled a zookeeper to death in southern Japan. The tiger had been on a steady diet of red meat, but chose that day to try Japanese.

Struggling retailer Sears announced that it’s hired a bankruptcy expert to serve the company as an independent director. The expert is a bankrupt mom who still actually shops at Sears.

A man sued Disney, saying a Disney World employee ruined his marriage proposal by forcing him to move from his spot in front of Princess Castle because a parade was starting. He allegedly grabbed the employee, leading to his arrest and removal from the park. The employee was quoted as saying “Gollll-olll-eee!”