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A former NASA scientist claims that in 1976, the Viking landers found evidence of life on Mars. He added it wasn’t exactly a fun life.

The XFL draft takes place today at 10 a.m. via conference call. “Could whoever has a barking dog please mute?” said the League Commissioner.

Travis Scott took a nasty onstage fall at the Rolling Loud Music Festival in Queens on Saturday, telling the crowd he thought he broke his knee. After the show, he brought several female fans backstage to crouch down and examine it.

Megyn Kelly, who was fired from the NBC Today Show after discussing kids of her era wearing blackface on Halloween, will be a guest on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News show to promote her new line of Halloween costumes.

Elton John’s new memoir mentions Michael Jackson’s later years, saying he was “..in a world of his own, surrounded by people who only told him what he wanted to hear.” Elton then talks about all the compliments he gets about his real-looking hair.

Scarlett Johansson says that a movie featuring all-female Marvel Superheroes would be “explosive and unstoppable”.  It would feature male Marvel heroes asking what’s wrong with the way they’re fighting evil, and the females saying “nothing…it’s great”.

Dusty Baker is rumored to be a candidate for the Philadelphia Phillies manager job, after stadium workers were seen installing one of those motorized seats to climb the dugout steps.

Italy’s mountain village of Sardinia is posting signs telling tourists not to rely on Google Maps driving directions, because their cars will get stuck on rugged roads. They also say not to use Google Maps walking directions, after several tourists walked off cliffs.

Jennifer Aniston’s new Instagram account crashed shortly after her first post – a photo with all six of the ‘Friends’. Aniston said the photo wasn’t really complete, because the duck and the monkey were both dead. 

Whitney Houston is among the 2020 nominees for induction to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame – opening the door just a crack for the 2036 campaign of Color Me Badd.

 

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Lady Gaga’s ‘A Star Is Born’ passed Whitney Houston’s ‘The Bodyguard’ in ticket revenue, making it the highest-grossing film ever by a musician. Each of those films passed Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’ as soon as they each sold five tickets.

Angelina Jolie is set to star in a new thriller, ‘Those Who Wish Me Dead’ – adapted from divorce proceedings with her ex-husbands.

A blast of polar air descending on the midwestern U.S. will make Chicago colder than Antarctica on Wednesday. It’s so bad, the Chicago Blackhawks are looking forward to leaving early for their Friday game in Buffalo.

Pennsylvania prison officials at SCI Phoenix say that a camera drone followed inmate Bill Cosby while he was outside in the prison yard. The drone hovered for five minutes of material, deleted it, then flew away.

Two Danish clothing designers are finding success with their new apparel line, Carcel. All Carcel items are made by women serving in maximum security prisons in Thailand and Peru. They say their biggest challenge is keeping the inmates from adding pockets for cell phones and chisels.

Alleged NXIVM sex cult leader Keith Raniere made his third request to a judge for immediate release on bail. His lawyer claims that he’s being held without just cause, and also Raniere isn’t thrilled with the sex cults in jail.

The Sackler family, owners of Purdue Pharma – sellers of OxyContin – face a lawsuit accusing them of profiting from the opioid crisis.  The lawsuit is the result of an investigation known as “Operation Duhh”.

A Fox News anchor, Julie Banderas, criticized President Trump on Twitter for “bullying” fellow Fox News journalists John Roberts and Gillian Turner.  Bible historians checked this off their lists, leaving just 6 more signs of the apocalypse to go.

Boston University researchers studying the brain of Atlanta Falcons linebacker Tommy Nobis determined at the time of his death at age 74, he suffered from the most severe form of CTE. NFL doctors also gave Nobis’ brain their most severe CTE rating: Moderate.

A 911 dispatcher in Indiana took a call from a child seeking help with math homework. She helped him solve a problem about fractions, because he was so polite, and because it was more fun than hearing the people on hold shriek about their relatives’ heart attacks.

A man is suing Gwyneth Paltrow, saying she caused him a brain injury and four broken ribs. A judge ruled there needed to be two separate suits — one for the skiing collision with Paltrow that caused the broken ribs, and one for the brain injury which the man sustained from reading Paltrow’s website, Goop.

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Google introduced its new Pixel 3 smartphones, citing their highly sophisticated artificial intelligence tools. Google added that the artificial intelligence tools can be disabled by dropping the phone on the sidewalk.

Rumors are circulating that Ivanka Trump is being considered to replace Nikki Haley as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations. The White House cites Ivanka’s extensive international diplomacy experience hiring children to work in factories for her now-defunct apparel line.

Multilingual imbecile and bully-enabling anti-bullying crusader Melania Trump claims that her offers to assist international aid organizations are ignored because of her marriage to Donald Trump. Aid organizations replied, for the 100th time, starving children don’t need gently-used designer shoes and clothing.

A flight from Detroit to Shanghai was diverted back to Detroit for a passenger medical emergency, but arrived too late and the passenger was pronounced dead on arrival. The FAA said it was the first time ever that someone was dying to get to Detroit.

The New York Yankees were eliminated by the Boston Red Sox, three games to one, in the American League divisional playoffs. After the game, George Steinbrenner emerged from beyond the grave In Yankee Stadium’s Monument Park to fire manager Aaron Boone.

The New York Times profiled Anthony Mancinelli, a 107-year-old barber who works full-time cutting hair from Noon to 8pm every day.. that he’s not appearing in civil court for causing concussions and extensive cranial bleeding.

Taylor Swift appeared at the American Music Awards on Tuesday night, claiming three more to bring her lifetime total to 22 – passing Whitney Houston’s female artist record of 21, and a comfortable 22-trophy lead ahead of Mambo No. 5’s Lou Bega.

Hurricane Michael may make landfall in the Florida panhandle as a Category 4 storm, the worst to hit that area in over 100 years. “Wait, which state are we again?” asked worried residents of Mississippi.

Frontier Airlines removed a female passenger prior to a flight from Orlando to Cleveland for bringing her emotional support squirrel on board.  Several other passengers asked if they could borrow the squirrel so they, too, could get kicked off and rebooked on a better airline.

Accused sexual assailant Harvey Weinstein lost one of his defense attorneys due to an argument over the bill, proving that Weinstein is still working on understanding priorities.

A 14-year-old is suing McDonald’s for over $1 million, claiming that spilled hot water caused severe burns. McDonald’s said it was part of their free Fry-day promotion.