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Chevy Chase was uninjured after falling off a stage during an appearance in Buffalo. Chase has also fallen off of consideration for every movie & TV project in Hollywood.

Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott apologized for using the 9/11 terrorists as an example of teamwork in a 2019 meeting with players. He then added that he hates both the terrorists and their New York Jets.

A 6-year-old New Jersey girl is now one of the youngest members of Mensa – although New Jersey Mensa chapters only require members to know which fast food restaurants are at which New Jersey Turnpike rest stop.

Paris Hilton explained why she didn’t change her son’s diapers for the first month after his arrival. She said she’d paid extra to the surrogate who delivered him for a 30-day extended service contract.

Vladimir Putin said he’ll run for President of Russia once again in the 2024 election. Russian tv networks are having trouble setting up debates because they don’t know when other candidates will recover from being poisoned.

Dollar General is cutting back on its use of self-checkouts, saying their regular customers struggle multiplying the number of items in their cart by $1.

National Geographic unveiled their 2023 Pictures Of The Year – and once again none of them are a centerfold.

Former U.S. Representative Tom Suozzi is the Democratic nominee in a Special Election to replace expelled New York congressman George Santos. He’ll take on the GOP nominee, a mysterious cabaret performer & socialite Egroegia Sotnas.

A viral TikTok shows a man boarding a Spirit Airlines flight wearing a parachute. He stowed it, because he’d brought it to go skydiving at his destination. However, no explanation was given why the flight’s pilot & co-pilot also wore parachutes.

Privacy advocates are advising Instagram users to make their accounts private, since public images are being used to train parent company Meta’s A.I. image generator. It may be too late, since the A.I. can now draw every Kardashian woman’s breasts from memory.

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Restaurant chain Founding Farmers is being dragged for adding a 5% “wellness charge” to customer bills to subsidize employees paid vacation & health care. Meanwhile Waffle House quietly added a 5% “illness charge” to pay for customer trips to the emergency room.

A rabid raccoon attacked a student on the Princeton University campus. The raccoon remains at large, but is expected to show up for finals if it wants to keep its scholarship.

A woman who appears to be pregnant has been spotted on several doorbell cameras stealing packages in the Philadelphia suburbs. That, or she stole a basketball and forgot to put it in her trunk.

McDonald’s announced plans to open 10,000 new restaurants. Although bulls say they’re going to have a hard time making enough new cows.

Diabetes & weight-loss drunk Ozempic could be used to treat alcohol abuse. Doctors are hoping they have a new weapon to treat two-thirds of fat, drunk & stupid.

A new study links wasabi to ‘substantial’ boosts in memory – and to the introduction of new Flamin’ Hot Prevagen.

A woman who threw a hot burrito bowl in the face of a Chipotle worker was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 60 days working a fast food job. Ironically, her job in jail pays better.

The final Republican Presidential Debate was held last night, with most observers saying Nikki Haley finished first – and Chris Christie last – in the all-important Swimsuit Competition.

Ken Hudson Campbell – who portrayed a local Santa in the original ‘Home Alone‘ – is the beneficiary of a GoFundMe to pay for his cancer surgery. He’s also kind of pissed that the owner of Duncan’s Toy Chest only gives money to children’s charities.

Daddy Yankee, rapper and King Of Reggaeton, announced he’s retiring from music to devote his life to Christ, and attend churchaton.

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Researchers created special light waves that can penetrate opaque materials. They plan to use it to see through coworkers clothes and underwear.

Hester Ford, recognized as the oldest living American at 116 years old, passed away in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. The title of oldest American now goes to Thelma Sutcliffe, 115, of Nebraska, who also just died.

Vandals threw a pig’s head at the home of a retired police officer who testified in Derek Chauvin’s defense, but it turns out the man no longer lives there. The vandals asked if they could get their pig head back along with directions to his new place.

Demi Lovato criticized a frozen yogurt shop for displaying sugar-free items, saying it was “triggering” to her eating disorder. Lovato then had a nervous breakdown walking through the soda aisle of a grocery store.

Facebook now allows users to export posts to Blogger & WordPress.com – so that user’s thoughts and ideas can be ignored on multiple sites.

A suspected rhino poacher was killed in an elephant stampede at a national park in South Africa. The elephants were disappointed in park rangers efforts to stop the poachers, so they put their foot down.

Model Ireland Baldwin showed off her new butt tattoo in a bikini photo shoot. The tattoo is actually on her arm, but it’s a picture of her father Alec.

6 people were wounded in a mass shooting at a child’s birthday party in Louisiana. After treatment at a nearby hospital, the clown promised to improve his act.

TSA agents at Houston’s Hobby Airport found crystal meth in a breakfast burrito. The passenger was arrested, but to stay competitive, the Houston airport McDonald’s introduced the Meth McMuffin.

The dead body of a man infected with COVID-19 washed ashore in the island nation of Vanuatu, leaving local officials concerned about how they’ll conduct contact tracing with sea turtles.