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A study finds users of weight loss drug Wegovy maintain lower weight for up to four years – but are advised to hang on to those old pants just in case.

Joe Biden offered to debate Donald Trump with specific conditions, including that there not be an audience, that microphones cut off after alotted speaking time, and that the whole thing is wrapped up before 7pm bedtime.

McDonald’s is ending their policy of free drink refills, and reminding everybody they never had a free french fry refill policy to begin with.

Tree ring analysis was used to determine 2023 as the hottest summer in 2000 years. Then the scientists were arrested for cutting down 2000-year-old trees.

Graduates of Dyouville University in Buffalo, New York were given a commencement address by a robot using artificial intelligence. The robot told them to hurry up and leave town before winter.

Walgreens is offering its own cheaper version of opioid overdose drug naloxone. You get one free with every 10 oxy contin refills.

Google CEO Sundar Pichai demonstrated the company’s new Gemini AI, which has been updated to share more information, interact with others, find objects around the house, make schedules and do shopping. When he was done, dozens of single men & women proposed to Gemini.

The Portal – identical sculptures in Dublin & New York connected via live streaming video – has been temporarily shut down due to on-camera users flashing body parts, and because kids in both cities skip school to visit it hoping to see women & men flash body parts.

The sun shot out its biggest solar flare in two decades – then rolled over and lit a cigarette.

A Florida dentist faces calls to lose his license after publicly calling Jews “worse than Nazis” and calling on Allah to ‘annhilate’ them. Worse, he had the statements printed on the free toothbrushes he hands out to patients.

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A former New York restaurant hostess said in a TikTok video that Kylie Jenner left a $20 tip on a $500 dinner bill. Reached for comment, Kylie said it was because she was out of $1s and $5s .

Taco Bell is reportedly planning a massive overhaul of its menu, but assures customers that whatever they serve will still result in a massive overhaul to their bathroom.

Three teenagers fishing off the coast of Maine took nearly 7 hours to haul in a 700-pound bluefin tuna. They started a GoFundMe to raise money for enough firecrackers to blow it up.

A California teen is credited with inventing ‘Talking Masks’ – masks with a clear panel so deaf people can read their lips, and also tell them they have spinach in their teeth.

Nick Cannon apologized for anti-Semitic remarks he made on a podcast, and was subsequently confirmed to be keeping his job as host of The Masked Singer – which will be renamed The Masked Singers Who Probably Aren’t Jewish.

British Airways announced they’re retiring their entire fleet of Boeing 747s, but will allow pilots and flight attendants the opportunity to have one final shag in the first-class loo.

Smugglers attempted to ship cocaine from Colombia to Italy in coffee beans that had been sliced open and resealed. Italian cops arrested the man who picked up the package, then had the best goddamned coffee break ever.

Following a night of wild partying, recording artist Megan Thee Stallion was taken to a hospital with gunshot wounds in her foot. Doctors say she’s lucky the bullets didn’t break her leg, because they’d have to put Stallion down.

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick have ended their two-year relationship, which ran out of gas.

Kanye West is reportedly still forging ahead with his presidential run, and Caitlyn Jenner wants to be his running mate. Jenner would become the first vice-president to declare their pronouns.