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On ABC’s The Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner selected his final three 60+ bachelorettes. Eliminated women didn’t get roses, but each received a Gerry Turner souvenir autographed pickleball paddle.

An Italian mom won a lawsuit to kick her 40-year-old sons out of her house. She then visited them, saw them eating canned ravioli, and suffered a heart attack.

Social media star Amouramth announced a marketing partnership with a company to brew beer made with her vaginal yeast. A different brewer is partnering with Monistat to make a beer that cures infections from Amouranth beer.

A Delta Airlines co-pilot pulled a gun on the pilot and threatened to shoot him if he diverted the flight for an on-board medical emergency. The co-pilot was counting on getting layover’d at the flight’s original destination.

Sales of Bud Light and candy corn are each down by double-digit percentages in 2023. In other aiccng $9 billion to dollars to upgrade facilities in over 1400 stores, and will also invest $900 for pay raises to the workers in them.

Former Good Morning America co-hosts and romantic partners Amy Robach & TJ Holmes are launching a podcast. According to a press release, they’ll be discussing pop culture, current events, & more! .. but “more” probably won’t include banging your married co-worker and acting surprised when you both get fired.

Two separate wind farm projects off the New Jersey coast were cancelled by developers — leaving area mobsters scrambling to find other projects where someone is pouring concrete in the middle of the ocean.

A man stole an ambulance from Temple University Hospital in Philadelphia, then was found an hour later sleeping in the back of it. He escaped, and now Philly cops are on the lookout for a man sleeping in the back of a stolen police car.

A mom won a $3,500 small claims court judgment against American Airlines for a flight attendant harassing her over the placement of 18-month-old twins traveling with her. The judge was convinced that the twins were better off in seats versus the space beneath them.

A female doctor posted a TikTok video claiming men giving oral sex to women is worse than smoking when it comes to throat cancer – especially if they’re up to a pack of women a day.

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Great Britain raised its virus threat level for COVID-19, from ‘Pish-posh’ to ‘Good heavens!”

Democrats unveiled a bill meant to avoid a government shutdown, but Republican Mitch McConnell said it omitted farm aid. “That’s because those concerts sucked” said Dems.

Police conducted the largest fentanyl bust in Delaware history, seizing drugs with a street value of $5 million. “Now what’re we gonna do for fun?” asked Delawareians.

A man was arrested for throwing construction debris on New York City subway tracks, causing a derailment. Although Brooklyn hipsters getting off the derailed train were happy to collect the old bricks and distressed wood.

Donald Trump said that his upcoming Supreme Court nominee will be a woman. He’ll announce it Friday or Saturday, after reviewing Playboy’s ‘Women Of The High Court’ issue.

The CDC said trick-or-treating during the pandemic is “high risk”. Trick-or-treaters say handing out candy corn or fruit is “high risk” for getting your house egged.

Australian officials are struggling to save hundreds of pilot whales stranded on sandbars and shallow water – and that’s not even counting the thousands of angry passenger whales.

NASA published its Artemis Plan, which includes landing the first woman on the Moon in 2024. The centerpiece of the plan is using the next four years to heat the Moon to 80 degrees.

Sizzler steakhouses declared bankruptcy. In a statement, the CEO acknowledged the decision was like their steaks – tough.

Hillary Clinton is launching a podcast. So, I guess that makes everybody.

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Southwest Airlines grounded two Boeing jets after finding cracks in a key part – the pilots’ skulls.

Rapper-turned-jailhouse snitch Tekashi 6ix9ine is reportedly planning his post-prison comeback, scheduled to start in the year 20wenty 6ix9ine.

Former NBC employee Brooke Nevils claims she was sexually assaulted by Matt Lauer, while Lauer claims their sexual encounters were consensual. “I can help settle this” said experienced news journalist Maury Povich, dusting off his lie detector.

A company called Future Meat Technologies claims they could have the first lab-grown meat cultivated from animal cells on store shelves by 2022. They could have the first lab-grown veal a week after they start making it.

  • Future Meat Technologies: the other-other white meat.

The NFL upheld its season-long suspension of Oakland Raiders LB Vontaze Burfict for a malicious helmet-to-helmet hit. Burfict has been offered a season-long development scholarship by the UFC.

California utility PG&E is utilizing blackouts to limit the spread of wildfires – and to increase the number of easier-to-control candle-sparked house fires.

A pediatrician said children should start packing their own school lunches starting at age 8. His opinion was published along with a recipe for Sour Patch Kids sandwiches.

Sesame Street is introducing a new Muppet character whose parent struggles with opioid addiction. Producers say the parent won’t be introduced, and will be known only as Shootemupagus.

A family returned from a vacation to find a window broken and a goat napping in the bathroom. The goat was returned to a farm up the road, but the Mom is wondering why the goat had the address and Dad’s phone number programmed into its phone.

A Monmouth University study of 1,100 U.S. adults states that 6% consider candy corn their favorite Halloween candy. Researchers footnoted that at least 6% of the U.S. population suffers from some form of serious mental illness.

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‘Walking Dead’ actor Scott Wilson died, but is expected to make unbilled cameos in future episodes.

After an 11-year-long study, Candystore.com declared that Skittles are America’s favorite Halloween candy.  Kids praised Skittles for being as easy to throw at their friends’ heads as candy corn, while also being fun to actually eat.

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigned, saying her decision had nothing to do with her boss being laughed out of the room during Show & Tell several weeks earlier.

Tristan Thompson departed for Cleveland to join the NBA Cavaliers, while girlfriend and Baby Mama Khloe Kardashian remained in L.A. with their daughter. Kardashian insists that they’re still together; Thompson describes it as more of an 82-game break.

A 27-year-old Indian man checked into rehab for what he described as a Netflix addiction – watching 7 hours of shows every day for 6 straight months. His girlfriend called the man ‘all Netflix, no chill’.

Alex Spanos, longtime owner of the AFL/NFL San Diego (now Los Angeles) Chargers, died. Players await a decision from Commissioner Roger Goodell’s office to see if they can kneel at the funeral.

Following Taylor Swift’s Instagram post promoting voting for Democratic Party candidates in Tennessee, voter registration spiked in the state. Newly-registered 18-year-olds in Tennessee are saying they can’t wait to vote for Taylor Swift.

A rare white tiger mauled a zookeeper to death in southern Japan. The tiger had been on a steady diet of red meat, but chose that day to try Japanese.

Struggling retailer Sears announced that it’s hired a bankruptcy expert to serve the company as an independent director. The expert is a bankrupt mom who still actually shops at Sears.

A man sued Disney, saying a Disney World employee ruined his marriage proposal by forcing him to move from his spot in front of Princess Castle because a parade was starting. He allegedly grabbed the employee, leading to his arrest and removal from the park. The employee was quoted as saying “Gollll-olll-eee!”