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A North Korean soldier – shot five times while defecting to South Korea – was saved during surgery, but doctors discovered parasitic worms up to 11 inches long living in his intestines. When asked what the worms were doing in there, doctors replied “starving.”

Boston Dynamics’ Atlas robot is now capable of doing a backflip. However, due to its metallic legs and flat chest, it was cut from the cheerleading squad.

During press interviews for Wheel of Fortune’s 35th anniversary season, Vanna White shared stories from grateful past contestants, saying one woman used her prize money to adopt a child. Vanna didn’t give any more details,  but she probably used the money to buy a Bea or Dee.

A new study from University of California San Francisco states that the Apple Watch can accurately detect hypertension and sleep apnea – this according to autopsies of heavy snorers who wear a watch to bed for some reason.

Cult leader and serial murderer Charles Manson died at age 83. No funeral arrangements have been made public, but you can assume they’ll be about as private as it gets.

Apple’s planned competitor to Amazon’s Echo – the Apple HomePod – is being delayed until 2018, because Siri is already slammed with too many dumb questions from iPhone & iPad owners during the holidays.

Business analysts say Victoria’s Secret sales are down 11% because women want more comfortable underwear. Victoria’s Secret executives are also concerned that plus-size underwear sales may suffer if Amazon Lingerie becomes a reality.

A new wearable fitness tracker, the Spire Health Tag, is a small thumb-sized transmitter that you stick to your workout apparel and leave there, even in the laundry. Its makers say that it will run for months on a button cell battery, or until it blacks out from the smell.

Ryan Seacrest denies allegations of inappropriate behavior levied by his former wardrobe stylist, saying at no point was he ever Seacrest Out.

The U.S. Navy called the sky-drawn penis made by one of its jet pilots ‘unacceptable’, especially since an Army jet flew up and drew a bigger one.

 

 

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Britain’s Prince George arrived for his first day of school. He was reportedly well-behaved, but looks forward to spending time relaxing on his Time Out Throne.

A woman in China reportedly gave birth while shopping. Since it was a girl, she returned it.

Comcast said that it will open over 130,000 Xfinity Wifi hotspots for free to Florida residents impacted by Hurricane Irma – so that even those Floridians who aren’t Comcast customers can see how awful Xfinity Internet service is.

Craig Carton, the co-host of nationally syndicated sports talk show ‘Boomer and Carton’ was arrested by the FBI and charged with operating a multi-million dollar Ponzi scheme to fund his gambling habit. The over/under was set at 5 years for his prison sentence, and Carton took the over.

A Bengal tiger was spotted roaming around metro Atlanta. It’s unclear how he got there, although residents assumed traffic was so bad the tiger decided to skip the car and walk.

Donald Trump Jr testified to Congress that he took the infamous meeting with Russians to gauge Hillary Clinton’s “fitness”. Bill Clinton commented that he could have told Trump Jr that it was nothing like it used to be.

A high-ranking Commander in the U.S. Navy is accused of making unwanted sexual advances and spanking a woman on the buttocks while he was drunk and dressed as Santa Claus at a Pentagon holiday party.  He was suspended for a uniform violation.

California paroled Charles Manson disciple Leslie van Houten. Van Houten thanked the parole board and said she hoped it wasn’t too late to start a family of her own.

The NBA Los Angeles Clippers have added 8 new “Star Courtside” seats on the floor at their home games, at a cost of $175,000 each. The seats come with a VIP Entrance, valet parking, waiter service, a ride home after the 1st quarter, and priority wait list for Lakers games.

Cruise lines are concerned about lost business resulting from Hurricane Irma. Carnival sent several of its ships into the hurricane’s eye to try and kill it with Norovirus.

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The U.S. Women’s Open Golf Championships begin this weekend at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, NJ. No word on whether Donald Trump will attend to grab ’em by the putter.

Christopher Wray, Trump’s nominee for FBI Director, vowed independence, telling a Senate Confirmation Panel that he will not be “pulling punches”. Senate Democrats responded saying it was fine with them any time he wanted to punch President Trump.

Scientists confirm that a giant iceberg has broken free of Antarctica. The iceberg is said to be the size of Delaware, and about three times more fun.

A report from The Daily Mail states that NBC has cancelled ‘The Biggest Loser’. The report cannot be confirmed by NBC programming executives, who are refusing to weigh in.

Quentin Tarantino has announced that the subject for his next film will be the Manson Family – as the director pursues a move to more lighthearted fare.

Jacob Javits Convention Center in NYC is using trap-and-neuter feral cats from area animal shelters to control its rodent problem. So far the cats are working for food and shelter, but rumors persist that the cats have been approached by the Teamsters.

The NBA has changed its rules regarding timeouts. Each team will get 7 timeouts per game, down from 9. The change is meant to improve the pace of play, and because the dancers were having trouble memorizing so many different routines.

  • Courtside celebrities like Jack Nicholson criticized the reduction in timeouts, saying they weren’t doing his overactive bladder any favors.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is halfway through his ‘personal challenge’ to visit the 30 states he’s never been to. Some of the states Zuckerberg had never seen are Alaska, Iowa, Mississippi, Minnesota, and Poverty.

A new step counting study from Stanford University shows that China is the least-lazy country, with residents averaging 6,990 steps per day. The laziest country was Indonesia, averaging 3,513 steps per day. Said an Indonesian “we’re starving!”

  • The United States was the fourth-laziest country at 4,774 steps per day. Complicating matters were the number of American participants leaving their step tracker on the couch.

A new study states that young children who don’t get 9 to 11 hours sleep per night will age faster than those who do. The study was funded by new Ambien for Toddlers.

Clint Eastwood has cast the three California friends who thwarted a terrorist attack on a French train in 2015 to play themselves in the new film ‘The 15:17 to Paris’. Asked why he cast real people instead of actors, the 87 year-old director yelled “Cut!”