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A New Jersey worker at Olive Garden was confirmed to have hepatitis A. For a limited time, diners can pay one price for unlimited soup, salad, breadsticks and liver damage.

  • He was diagnosed after a recent shift, and will not be allowed to return to work until cleared by a medical professional, or until another line cook quits.

People are paying up to $12,000 to have their eye color changed. Others are going blind and suing the makers of Just For Men and L’Oreal eye color kits.

A Florida school district removed dictionaries to review them for content describing sexual conduct. Mississippi school districts removed them following complaints from students that they couldn’t follow the story.

Popeyes is offering free wings if the Eagles, Ravens, or Buffalo win the Super Bowl. If the Dolphins win, StarKist will stop putting them in tuna cans.

eBay was fined $3 million after employees sent live spiders and cockroaches to harass a couple who criticized the company. eBay is also being sued by customers who say they never received the spiders and cockroaches they purchased.

Disney’s Pixar animation studio will reportedly undergo significant layoffs in 2024. What goes ‘Up’ must come ‘Down’.

Former ‘Good Morning America’ host TJ Holmes said he’d down up to 18 drinks a day after he was fired for an affair with co-host Amy Robach – expanding a good morning to a good afternoon & evening, as well.

Flight attendants revealed a code word for difficult passengers, ‘Philip’. It originated from PILP, ‘Passenger I’d Like to Punch. On Spirit Airlines, alpha passengers are called AFCs, for Airborne Fight Club Champions.

A University of Colorado study finds cannabis can motivate users to exercise. That’s if you count running to the door to get the pizza as a workout. [h/t to J.O.!]

Hertz Rental Car is selling 20,000 electric vehicles. Hertz claims the electrics are expensive to repair, and that only about 20% of customers renting them pay the extra fee for a full tank of gas.

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Senate Democrats failed to advance voting rights legislation, losing 52-48, with black Democratic senators having to show their driver’s license and a second form of ID.

A West Virginia tv reporter was struck by a car during a live news segment about a water main break. The woman driving the car stopped to apologize, then went further up the block to score her meth.

Jury selection began in the trial of three Minneapolis police officers who stood by as fellow officer Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd. So far, several jury candidates have been dismissed who either can’t say or spell the word “guilty” in one or two seconds.

An investigation found retired Pope Benedict XVI lied about having no knowledge of priest sexual abuse during his oversight of the Diocese of Munich in the 70s & 80s. So he went to confession and forgave himself because that’s how Catholicism rolls.

Khloe Kardashian is getting dragged on social media for selling her 3-year-old daughter’s used clothing online, with some items priced at $150 – or more, if the creeps buying ’em know they haven’t been washed.

19-year-old Zara Rutherford became the youngest woman to complete a solo round-the-world flight. She thanked her sponsors and the air traffic controllers who listened for hours as she discussed boys and girls she doesn’t like.

A third person in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania died after an Italian restaurant was found to be transmitting hepatitis A. As in “A, you no like-a the manicotti??”

Dolly Parton turned 76 on Wednesday, and the current iteration of her boobs turned 19.

Meghan Linsey, a runner-up on The Voice in 2015, got married. “Who?” asked Blake Shelton, Adam Levine & Kelly Clarkson.

A woman in Chester County, Pennsylvania was rescued after being stuck in the bathroom for four days. Her dinner date left.

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A Des Moines, Iowa mailman rescued an elderly woman who’d fallen in the snow in sub-zero temperatures but couldn’t stand. He helped her to her feet, then slid her through the door of the wrong house.

Police arrested a truck driver for luring what he thought was a 15-year-old girl to a rented shower at a Flying J truck stop in Altoona, Iowa. He’d actually been communicating with undercover cops, who let him finish his shower because he really needed it.

A prominent Alabama anti-vaxxer, Christopher Key, urged followers to drink their own urine to cure or prevent COVID-19. He published his findings next to a coupon for raspberry Crystal Light.

Retired porn actress Jenna Jameson was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome, a rare, but curable, neurological condition, after she was unable to walk. Jameson said she hasn’t felt this way since just about every movie she ever made.

The City of Chicago reached a deal with its public school teachers union for safety rules that will allow in-person learning. The rules include expanded COVID testing and limiting handgun use to recess.

A genetically altered pig heart was transplanted to a human recipient. The patient is stable, but changed his post-mortem directive from “cremated” to “smoked”.

A bride in Australia video-recorded her efforts to contract COVID so her February 5th wedding would go on as planned. Her fiance questioned why she needed so many different guys to catch the virus.

Four people died of Hepatitis A after eating at Famous Anthony’s restaurants, a small chain in Virginia. They plan an aggressive relaunch as Infamous Anthony’s.

NASA said space debris will definitely slam into the James Webb Space Telescope – mostly Solo cups and spoiled guacamole after the International Space Station’s Super Bowl party.

Actress Tori Spelling took to Instagram to announce “every single member” of her family tested positive, with varying degrees of symptoms, of COVID-90210.

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Science & art festival ‘Maker Faire’ has halted operations and laid off all 22 employees, many of whom can now be seen at ‘Job Faire’.

New York City’s Four Seasons luxury restaurant is closing, after finding diners preferred Five Guys.

An 81-year-old Florida man is suing Jaguar, saying the automatic door on his $96,000 car tore off a portion of his thumb. He plans to take the fight all the way to the Supreme Court of Rich White Guy Problems.

Brad Pitt ordered organizers of the controversial Straight Pride Parade to stop using his likeness in their promotions. Straight Pride leaders are unfazed, having already secured Toby Keith as backup.

Dunkin’ warned customers of its Turnersville, NJ location they may have been exposed to Hepatitis A if they visited the store between May 18 and June 1, or if they ate a Glazed Hepatitis donut.

A Pakistan Airlines passenger delayed his flight by seven hours, opening the emergency exit door before departure, thinking it was the bathroom. He jumped on the inflatable emergency slide and messed up the tarmac.

Justin Bieber Tweeted to challenge Tom Cruise to a cage fight – ideally, to the death of both.

O.J. Simpson said in a telephone interview that he now lives a solitary life in Las Vegas, in what he calls the “No Negative Zone” – he only wants to be around, and murder, positive people.

YouTube superstar JoJo Siwa had her tween make up kit recalled from retailer Claire’s after the FDA found asbestos in it. Besides the mesothelioma risk, the FDA said that asbestos would prevent young girls from looking like ‘fire’.

Celine Dion ended her 16-year residency at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. With Dion’s show ending and Britney Spears on hiatus, Carrot Top has started singing lessons.