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Bruce Willis and John Travolta are in Hawaii filming bounty-hunter action pic ‘Paradise City’ – the first time they’ve starred in the same movie since ‘Pulp Fiction’, and the first time Netflix has said “no thanks” to a movie idea.

An unruly Delta Air Lines passenger was fined $52,500 for trying to enter the cockpit, punching a flight attendant, and refusing to comply with crew members instructions – specifically, the instruction to stop punching them.

COVID vaccine trials are underway for children ages 5 & under. It’s that shrieking noise you’re hearing.

Florida raised the legal age for smoking & vaping to 21, angering thousands of 20-year-old Florida high school students.

Trainer Bob Baffert is suspended from entering his racehorses in New York State after numerous doping allegations. In other news, Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit entered rehab.

Comedian John Mulaney, who announced he’s getting divorced, is rumored to be dating actress Olivia Munn. Mulaney isn’t losing a wife, he’s gaining 2 or 3 cup sizes.

Some ‘foodies’ are planning to eat BroodX cicadas once they emerge this month. “Come on, man, we haven’t had a vacation in 17 years” say cicadas.

Donald Trump collected $65,000 in pension payments from the federal government since leaving office in January. Which is a lot of money for new golf clubs.

Jaden Smith is partnering with New Balance on the $150 Vision Racer X sneaker. It’s the perfect shoe for 60-year-olds who are inspired by 22-year-olds that aren’t at all athletic.

Joe Rogan said on his podcast that woke/cancel culture will “be the end of straight, white men”. His predominantly straight, white audience agrees, but feels they’ve had a pretty good 500-or-so-year run.

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Republicans in the House of Representatives removed Wyoming’s Liz Cheney from her position as GOP House Chair in a closed-door vote. Cheney emerged from the meeting, said the vote was a fraud, and once again gained Donald Trump’s support.

Violence continued between Israel and Palestine, with the two factions trading rocket attacks and air strikes. The U.S. is hoping to broker a cease fire so the two sides can have the annual Israeli/Palestinian All-Star Game.

The NFL releases its 2021 schedule tonight. They’re expected to showcase 17 prime-time games featuring Tom Brady’s Super Bowl Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and special halftime shows featuring Aaron Rodgers pouting in front of a mirror.

Tyson Foods, a leading chicken supplier, claims their current chicken supply shortage is because newer roosters selected for breeding “aren’t meeting expectations”. Tyson hens put it more bluntly, saying “just admit it, they’re gay”.

Los Angeles County records show that Caitlyn Jenner did, indeed, vote in the 2020 election. Jenner has not yet addressed her voting lie, but did release a statement admitting her current shade is not her natural hair color.

General manager Jennifer Lopez confirmed she’s designated Alex Rodriguez for assignment, with the purpose of granting his unconditional release. Lopez also announced designated hitter Ben Affleck has been given a 30-day tryout deal.

Horse trainer Bob Baffert – suspended after Derby winner Medina Spirit tested positive for steroids – admitted the horse was rubbed with ointment containing a banned substance. Baffert’s suspension is upheld, and Medina Spirit was ordered to stop hanging out with Barry Bonds.

Ellen Degeneres will end her daytime talk show after the 2022 season. Ellen informed her staff on May 11th, and promised to make time to belittle each and every one of them before the show ends.

Instagram users can now add pronouns to their profiles. “Is ‘big boobs’ a pronoun?” asked hundreds of influencers.

Frank Sinatra’s home in the California desert is for sale, priced at $4.25 million. It features a 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom main house on over 7 acres, with a pool, a guest house, and the unmarked graves of Teamsters leaders who refused to be bought.

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Applebee’s reduced its menu by 60% during the pandemic, but plans to keep it that way from now on. Applebee’s calls their new menu the Cliff Notes for the 410-page Cheesecake Factory menu.

Subway franchisees claim the chain’s new Fresh Melt melted-cheese sandwiches are too dangerous to make – that employees risk burns, and toasters are ruined. They’re less concerned about customers, saying if they eat at Subway, they already know the risks.

The NCAA is considering a plan allowing student athletes to make money off their name & likeness. Hearing this, a Division III field hockey player bought a Ferrari.

A ransomware attack shut down Colonial Pipeline, which supplies almost half the fuel to the East coast. The cyberattackers gave Colonial the choice of paying the ransom in Bitcoin, or convenience store gift cards.

A bride in India walked out on an arranged wedding when her husband-to-be could not recite the multiplication table of two correctly. The math challenge results came as a shock because he aced the spelling challenge preceding it.

Florida is experiencing a massive surge in COVID variants. Three nurses died attempting to vaccinate alligators.

Amanda Fletcher, a New York city private high school Spanish teacher, was recorded sucking a man’s nipple during a Zoom class – an incident described by her C students as hot, and by her A students as ‘muy caliente’.

Kentucky Derby winning horse Medina Spirit tested positive for steroids. The horse now risks suspension from Saturday’s Preakness Stakes, and Sunday’s Mr. Maryland Bodybuilding Championship.

Donald Trump called Medina Spirit a ‘junky’ , adding the horse’s drug use was indicative of the USA’s other problems, including immigration and election fraud. Medina Spirit clapped = or, clomped – back, saying he’s not a drug abuser, and that he only cast one vote for Joe Biden.

A four-year-old hacked his mother’s Amazon Prime account and ordered 51 boxes of SpongeBob Squarepants popsicles. She also blames the child for a vibrator order, which he denies.

Tinder warned potential ‘catfishers’ not to pose as Bill Gates to trick unsuspecting women. Tinder says they have ‘serious tools’ to ensure fake Gates accounts are removed – including comparison against an authenticated photo of Bill Gates’ penis.

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Heavyweight boxer Andy Ruiz defeated Chris Arreola Saturday night, via a 12-round unanimous decision. Ruiz delivered more punches to an Arreola than Ronda Rousey did in her entire career.

A SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule made the first nighttime splashdown carrying U.S. astronauts since 1968. Police were called to the residence of a terrified homeowner to assist getting them out of his pool.

The NFL Draft concluded, with over 12 hours of live coverage spanning three days. To satisfy fans’ need to see names and pictures of athletes they’ve never heard of, this weekend Lifetime will air three days of 32 hot women picking men on Tinder.

A 39-year-old Colorado woman walking her two dogs was attacked and killed by a bear. The two dogs survived and called their owner “not as fast as us”.

Budweiser is offering a free beer to anyone providing proof of COVID-19 vaccination. Budweiser is also the Official Beer of COVID-19 Victims who lost their senses of taste & smell.

Medina Spirit won the Kentucky Derby, finishing ahead of socially-distanced second-place Mandaloun.

The CDC is claiming anxiety, not the contents of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, caused adverse reactions to recipients. They cited dozens of anxious people who suffered blood clots watching ‘Godzilla vs Kong’.

A dozen people were injured when an outdoor deck collapsed as 40 people posed for a photo at Tennessee’s Soddy Daisy restaurant. 28 people asked if they could take the picture again.

Dcorey Johnson, a 3rd grader at a Louisville elementary school, is a viral sensation thanks to his singing the Star Spangled Banner during morning announcements. However, a dozen kindergartners are kneeling during the anthem to protest the lousy food at snack time.

Max Hodak, co-founder of brain-implant company Neuralink, resigned from the company. Then the other co-founder, Elon Musk, flipped a switch and Hodak changed his mind.