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A stagefront security guard at Taylor Swift’s Minneapolis concerts said he was fired because fans took photos of him singing along with Taylor in the background. However a spokesperson for Crowd Management, his former employer, said it wasn’t the pictures, it was his four costume changes.

Donald Trump will be weighed when he surrenders on election fraud charges in Georgia, so he’s pushing back the daily Big Mac Value Meal until afterward.

India’s Chandrayaan-3 spacecraft landed successfully, making India the fourth country ever to land a spacecraft on the moon, and the first country to open six Dunkin Donuts locations there.

Fox News hosts the firsr Republican presidential debate, with insiders expecting Chris Christie to post a strong showing in the domestic & international policy discussion, and a weak effort in the swimsuit competition.

Singers Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande have reportedly fired manager Scooter Braun, and are shopping for new Scooters.

A third-grade teacher in Oklahoma was arrested for drinking wine during class and having a blood/alcohol content of 0.24, three times the .08 legal limit. Her students were also involved in a seven-Big Wheel pileup on the playground during recess.

A teacher in Queens, New York who once posted on social media about “helping kids understand consent” was arrested for having sex with a 14-year-old student. She told police her lessons worked, because the boy raised his hand and asked for sex.

Bruce Willis’ daughter Rumer said her new baby daughter’s name was inspired by a typo in a text. She’s the proud mother of Duck.

A federal appeals court upheld the child porn conviction of TLC reality star Josh Duggar, who’s serving 12 Years And Counting.

Former television writer Patty Lin said that her season writing for Friends was, despite being her most recognizable credit, a bad experience. “Could this BE any more toxic?” she wrote.

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Heat in Canada’s western provinces was so extreme, that mussels, clams and other shellfish were cooked alive on shore. Seals were given pagers to let them know when it was their turn to eat.

Statues of Confederate generals, including Robert E. Lee, were removed from Charlottesville, Virginia. They’ll be replaced with statues of other famous second-place finishers.

Recorded temperature at the Furnace Creek Visitor Center in California’s Death Valley National Park reached 130 degrees. Bears stopped in to the lodge to cool off before mauling exhausted hikers for a hot meal.

Passengers on an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Miami were ordered to place their hands on their heads for the final hour of the flight due to a reported threat. A screaming passenger was arrested, and dozens of others were treated for spilling Diet Coke into their hair & eyes.

Robert O’Neill, the Navy Seal widely credited with shooting Osama Bin Laden in the face, is seeking investors for his Armed Forces Beer Company. The beer, unlike Bin Laden, has a pretty good head on it.

The Delta Variant of COVID-19 has almost completely taken over reported cases in the U.S. It’s so prevalent, the only places you can still get original COVID are Big Lots & Ollie’s Bargain Outlet.

New York’s famed Comedy Cellar does not want Bill Cosby to perform there if he resumes standup comedy. Other clubs are taking a wait-and-see attitude to see if he meets a 10-person bringer requirement.

Music mogul & talent manager Scooter Braun is rumored to be splitting from his wife, Yael. They share three children, but it appears she may be done riding her Scooter.

A California woman is suing, claiming her NutriNinja blender severely cut three of her fingers, and that the blood changed her green smoothie to yellow.

Gypsy moths are getting a new name to remove what some consider an ethnic slur. They’ll now be know as Traveling Scam Artist moths.

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National Geographic posted its top travel destinations for 2021, including Costa Rica and Faroe Islands. They succeed 2020’s top travel desinations, The Mailbox and The Grocery Store.

Music mogul Scooter Braun sold Taylor Swift’s master recordings for over $300 million. In other transactions, Lou Bega sold his master recordings to buy a scooter.

Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani said that losing post-election lawsuits is ‘part of their plan’ to get them appealed and heard by the Supreme Court. New York Jets Coach Adam Gase said his team’ 0-9 start is ‘part of their plan’ to get to the 2028 Super Bowl.

A Baby Yoda doll arrived on the International Space Station along with the NASA crew arriving via SpaceX. The doll will be flushed down the newly-installed space toilet to see how well it works.

A European Vega rocket failed at launch, destroying a communications satellite on board. The team’s leader blamed the accident on their choosing a 1974 Chevy Vega.

Amazon launched its online pharmacy on Tuesday. Customers can expect to have painkillers swiped off their porch on Thursday.

17 guests at a 300-person ‘superspreader wedding’ in Washington state contracted COVID-19. The bride and groom defended the party, saying they skipped champagne and filled guests’ glasses with Listerine and Remdesivir.

Several stores like Bass Pro Shops will still have in-store Santas, only kids will have to stand six feet away and yell to Santa that they want video games, bikes, and for Mom & Dad to stop fighting.

Ulysses ‘The Monster’ Diaz knocked out Donelei Benedetto in 3 seconds to record the fastest finish ever in a Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship bout. Diaz announced his next fight will be when Walmart opens on Black Friday.

Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds issued a mask mandate for all Iowans over age 2, along with a new slogan for the program, ‘Cover Your Cornhole’.

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President Trump made history as the first U.S. President to set foot in North Korea, then promptly blew it by asking for his dry cleaning.

Observers questioned where North Korean leader Kim Jong Un acquired a Rolls Royce limousine. He claims it was a reward for straight-As in every class he ever took, but privately everyone assumes he assassinated the guy who used to own it.

Taylor Swift published a scathing Tumblr post over her music catalogue being acquired by music industry mogul & talent manager Scooter Braun. The public is hoping Braun will do the right thing and burn all of it.

Meghan Markle attended the Yankees/Red Sox series in London, and gave all of the players ceremonial baseballs with her phone number written on them.

The Buffalo Bills are selling pieces of artifical turf recently removed from their home at New Era Field. They make the perfect gift for someone you hope never has anything good happen to them.

Facebook, AirBNB and Google all have policies forbidding employees from asking another employee on a date twice. So it’s either get rejected and give up, or really make that first date count.

In South Africa, magician Li Lau was struck in the head with an arrow when one of his tricks went wront. Li is expected to recover, and will continue to refine his Don’t Get Hit In The Head With An Arrow illusion.

The New York Mets honored the 50th Anniversary of their 1969 Amazin’ Mets championship team, but mistakenly included two living players in an ‘In Memoriam’ slideshow. No members of the 2019 Mets were shown, though a lot of them wish they were dead.

A new study from broker Edward Jones claims 38% of women admit being hindered from making life decisions by a lack of financial knowledge – adding that it’s just too much work emptying their bag to see how much money is in it.

The Centers for Disease Control warns Americans to take precautions against ‘cryptosporidium’ – a fecal bacteria that can live for days in public swimming pools, causing up to three weeks worth of “profuse, watery diarrhea”. They advise anyone with diarrhea not to swim for up to two weeks, angering water park owners who say they count on sick people to stay in business.