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The U.S. weight loss boom created by drugs like Ozempic & Wegovy is causing a surge in sales of protein powder and meal replacements. And replacement pants.

Donald Trump said he wants all of America’s bitcoin mined in the U.S. He then asked if there’s any risk of getting caught underground in a bitcoin mine.

A hospice worker shared the regrets they hear most often from dying patients – including wishing they worked less, followed their dreams, told people their true feelings, and didn’t take the TikTok challenge that landed them in hospice.

As Americans rail against “tip creep”, an etiquette expert said it’s okay to not tip in 5 situations: home repair work; counter service; at open-bar events; when service is poor; and when your spouse finally agrees to have sex with you.

Finland – where workers are reportedly the happiest of any civilized nation – say “flexibility” is most important to workplace happiness. That’s why hiring managers always look for the most flexible women and men before offering them a job.

Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs will not allow champion Joey Chestnut in their July 4th Hot Dog Eating Championship after he entered a sponsorship agreement with Impossible plant-based hot dogs. Instead Chestnut is expected to cruise to victory in the Vegan Hot Dog Eating Championship, where he’ll stuff his face while the other competitors ask organizers to list the ingredients in the hot dogs.

Police in Chistiana, Delaware are looking for a hit-and-run driver who struck a pedestrian outside of the emergency room. An ambulance driver called the incident “his shortest trip ever”.

Whole Foods CEO said in an interview what he considers “the #1 employee red flag” – a guy aiming his penis at the produce.

The Supreme Court unanimously upheld the right to access mifepristone, an abortion pill. Justic Brett Kavanaugh wrote the opinion – and the check for his girlfriend to get hers as soon as possible.

Australian porn star Alicia Davis was hospitalized for two days after an anal plug was pushed completely inside of her. Doctors were able to successfully remove it. along with several costume jewelry items, a tv remote, and a set of brass knuckles.

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Rappers Snoop Dogg and Master P sued Walmart for breaching a deal to sell their breakfast cereal. Walmart countered, saying kids don’t want to smoke cereal for breakfast.

Apple is reportedly working on a foldable iPhone, and will begin selling it once they figure out how to make the screen break when it’s folded closed and dropped.

A Florida mom said her kids were expelled from a Catholic School because she advertised her OnlyFans page with a decal on her car. The school said she’s promoting pornography, and stealing traffic from the OnlyFans pages of priests & altar boys raising money for the school.

Google is changing the name of its artificial intelligence assistant from Bard to Gemini, and launching a paid subscription Gemini app. College students now have to figure out how to pay Gemini with Adderall and beer when it writes their term papers.

A volcano in Iceland erupted for the second time this year, sending molten lava 260 feet in the air. Iceland’s Tourism Board called the eruption “not great for our name brand”.

Scientists in England set a record by creating a nuclear fusion reaction for 5 seconds. They see it as a huge step forward in the pursuit of limitless clean energy, but a disappointment since none of them turned into The Hulk.

A hiring expert claims only half of job candidates have questions ready for interviewers when asked “Is there anything you’d like to ask me?” They advise asking about the role, coworkers & company, and not “Are those real?”

Trader Joe’s recalled frozen ‘chicken, lentil & caramelized onion pilaf’ because it may contain rocks. The FDA has launched a broader investigation to the safety protocols of supplier Flintstone Foods.

Taylor Swift released the track list for her new album, ‘The Tortured Poets Department’, and Swifties speculate some are about her breakup with British actor Joe Alwyn, including ‘So Long, London’; ‘The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” and ‘Joe Alwyn Has A Puny Dick And I’m Glad To Be Banging A Huge NFL Player’.

Finland’s flagship airline Finnair will begin weighing passengers in addition to luggage for what they call “balance calculations” for enhanced safety, and what they call “improved traction” for seating heavier passengers above the wheels.

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Actress Stephanie Beatriz said she recorded a song for Disney’s animated film Encanto while in labor. Another little-known bit of Disney folklore: the voice actors portraying the Seven Dwarfs in Snow White were at an orgy when they recorded the vocals for Whistle While You Work.

Western observers are concerned China may be helping Russia’s invasion of Ukraine by supplying inconspicuous items to Russian forces like spare parts and meals. They cite as evidence hundreds of menus left on Russian tanks.

Pete Davidson has backed out of a spot on Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin sub-orbital space flight, after customer service refused his Free Companion Fare coupon and a request for an extra-wide seat.

A Russian Burger King franchisee refuses to close 800 Russian restaurants, but faces tough economic sanctions as the United States, Canada & European Union withhold the pickles and withhold the lettuce.

COVID deaths in Hong Kong are surging – crematoriums are at capacity and there’s a shortage of coffins. Worse, stores are selling out of the really big Ziploc freezer bags.

A Texas woman had a 20-pound tumor removed from her right ovary. It was so big, it was an ovary and an undery.

According to the Gallup World Poll, Finland is the World’s Happiest Nation for the fifth consecutive year. The United States ranked 16th, leading many to worry Americans will move to Finland and ruin it.

Paparazzi captured Kim Kardashian & Pete Davidson at a Los Angeles In N Out drive thru, then driving home where Pete got In N Out dozens of times later.

The first-ever Marvel Comics #1 from 1939 sold at auction for $2.3 million dollars. It’s extremely rare and features characters such as The Human Torch, Masked Raider, Submariner and President Joe Biden.

Wildfires throughout Central Texas are leading local officials to issue emergency evacuation orders. They were unable to reach Senator Ted Cruz until his flight landed in Hawai’i.

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Health officials warned customers to avoid purchasing food items at Family Dollar after 1,000 rodents were found in a Family Dollar distribution center. Despite this, long lines of cats could be seen outside stores holding dollar bills.

A singing group sued NBC and a pairs figure skating team for illegally using their song during their performance at the Winter Olympics. The pair failed to medal after standing in place on their skates doing the Macarena.

A former Louisiana school teacher was found guilty of multiple sex crimes, including serving students cupcakes made with her husband’s semen. Multiple students were rushed to area hospitals because of their nut allergies.

Pepsi will no longer sponsor the Super Bowl halftime show, citing the $50 million dollar cost, and the possibility that the NFL will pick Imagine Dragons next year.

‘The Batman’ actor Paul Dano claimed he had difficulty sleeping at night because of his portrayal of the “terrifying” Riddler in the film. Meanwhile, actress Zoe Kravitz said she slept 16 hours a day playing Catwoman.

Queen Elizabeth has COVID, but says she’ll continue “light duties” at Windsor Castle. Which begs the question of what, exactly, are the “hard duties” of the Queen?

New Mexico is asking the National Guard to work as substitute teachers during a labor shortage caused by the pandemic. School nurses set up triage tents for students whose spitwads were returned with gunfire.

American bald eagles may once again be classified as endangered, since many tested positive for lead poisoning. The National Wildlife Service is telling bald eagle parents to stop building nests with old paint chips.

Winter Park, Colorado police shot and killed the bride’s uncle at her wedding reception, after he became drunk and fought with guests and responding officers. Investigators said the uncle’s intoxication was even more surprising because it was a cash bar.

Finnish cross-country skier Remi Lindholm suffered a frozen penis during his 60km event at the Winter Olympics. He placed 28th in the 60-man event, six inches ahead of the 29th-place finisher.

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Finland will eliminate separate subjects in public schools. Finnish students will now be able to tell their parents “I’m failing everything”. [Story h/t to K.N.S.]

A viral photo shows a priest baptizing a baby with holy water shot from a squirt gun. The baby is welcome to return in 10 years when the priest will shoot him in the face again.

The manhunt continues for a University of Connecticut student wanted for multiple murders. They’re hoping he’ll surrender and transfer from UConn to UConvict.

Three young Bolivian brothers, ages 12, 10 & 8 – were hospitalized after getting a black widow spider to bite them, thinking it would turn them into Spider-Man. “You dopes, the spider has to be radioactive” said Brazil’s best doctor.

Florida theme parks will soon reopen, requiring visitors wear masks and disclaiming they can’t guarantee they won’t be exposed to coronavirus – unless they want to, in which case they can go to new attraction ‘Scrooge McDuck On A Ventilator’.

KFC is testing a new chicken sandwich –  one made with actual chickens.

A male beard model shaved for the first time in 10 years, letting his wife of 7 years see his bare face for the first time. “How fast does it grow back?” she asked.

Stanley Ho, a Macau casino tycoon considered ‘the father of Chinese gambling’, died at age 98. He would have lasted longer, but too many people bet he’d make it to 100.

Uber Eats is launching “family style meals” so everyone in the house can screw the delivery driver out of a tip.

Disney+ premiered ‘Out’ – Pixar’s first short film featuring a gay leading character. It has for years featured gay supporting characters like Rex and Slinky Dog from Toy Story.