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‘The Bachelor’ Peter Weber and Madison Prewett reportedly broke up just days after Weber selected Prewett on the series finale. They’re taking some time apart before looking to meet people on other tv shows.

Comcast announced they’re providing free broadband to low-income households during the coronavirus crisis. To qualify, customers just need to call a toll-free number and speak to a live person, which should take about three weeks.

Ikea launched a new Botanisk line of indoor gardening products. So, good luck figuring out how to put together a fern.

The wife of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau tested positive for coronavirus. Nine out of ten women still say they’d trade places with her.

A viral video shows people in Siena, Italy – quarantined within their houses – joining together in song at their windows. The sad part is the song was ‘Seasons In The Sun’. [story h/t to Joe M.]

The PGA Tour announced The Masters tournament will be postponed. In its place, CBS Sports will air four days of Tiger Woods painting a small deck and watching it dry.

Buffalo Wild Wings is changing its order sizing. Instead of ordering small, medium, or large portions of wings, customers will now order by quantity of 6, 10, 15, 20 or 30 wings. Amidst the change, company executives assure the public that the wings will still suck.

Ring upgraded its latest doorbell security cameras with new crime-prevention upgrades, including precise motion-tracking zones, dual-band wifi compatibility, and bullets.

Starbucks CEO says its stores may temporarily ban in-person orders. Customers will have to use mobile or drive-thru ordering, and ask for baristas’ help stealing Splenda packets.

A Missouri third-grade teacher is encouraging students to wash their hands by ink-stamping them in the morning with her name, ‘Mrs. Woods’, then making sure it’s washed off by day’s end. An 11th grade teacher is doing the same, but students are wondering why her phone number is on it too.

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KFC temporarily closed hundreds of restaurants in the United Kingdom because they’ve run out of chicken. The closures have resulted in an unexpected surge in U.K. gun sales to nervous cats, small dogs and large rodents.

Switzerland banned boiling live lobsters, but also passed legislation legalizing assisted shellfish suicide.

  • Going forward, seafood restaurants will be required to offer Lobster Hospice.

ABC Networks recently revealed that it tests contestants on ‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ for sexually transmitted diseases; this, after penicillin and Valtrex pills kept falling out of the roses.

President Trump took to Twitter to criticize Oprah Winfrey’s interviews with Michigan voters that aired on ’60 Minutes’, meaning efforts by Trump aides to distract him with with the NBA Mascot Slam Dunk Competition were unsuccessful.

Google claims its artificial intelligence can predict heart disease or stroke by looking at a person’s retinal images. The technology seeks out specific patterns in retinal vessels, and reflections of Hooters waitresses.

Marvel’s “Black Panther” brought in $192 million during its three-day North American debut, shattering records for ticket sales and audience comments directed at the screen.

A family of 23 people was removed from the Carnival Legend after inciting repeated brawls during the ship’s cruise of the Australian coast. Other passengers who say their trips were ruined by the fighting were insulted by Carnival’s conciliatory offer of 25% off a future cruise. Carnival then countered by upping the offer to include a kangaroo bodyguard.

Aleksandr Krushelnitckii, Russian bronze medalist in mixed doubles curling, is under suspicion of doping after his first sample tested positive for meldonium. Krushelnitckii defended himself, saying the performance-enhancing drugs were for sex with his hot wife & Internet sensation Anastasia Bryzgalova, since curling requires no athletic talent.

Ivanka Trump is reportedly getting a “First Lady style” welcome when she visits Pyeongchang for the Olympics — meaning, a bed three rooms away from her husband’s in a room that locks from the inside.

French ice dancer Gabriella Papadakis left the ice in tears after her halter top became unhooked during her program, exposing the bottom of her breast. Papadakis and partner Guillaume Cizeron received a combined score of 81.93, which was weighed down by an individual score of ‘Take It All Off’ from a since-removed U.S.A. judge.

 

 

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The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots 41-33 to win Super Bowl LII. Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney is expected to hold a news conference with details about a citywide victory parade. Meanwhile, Satan, Mayor of Hell, is expected to brief residents with advice on dealing with Sunday night’s freezeover.

The Eagles parade route hasn’t been officially announced, although speculation is that floats will be set ablaze near City Hall, and flipped over on the way to the South Philly stadium complex.

Rebekah Martinez, a 22-year-old woman reported missing from Humboldt County, California, was found as a contestant on ABC’s ‘The Bachelor’. Martinez had told her parents that she was going to work on a marijuana farm, but hadn’t been heard from since leaving home. Her parents are relieved, but ashamed that she didn’t get the job on the marijuana farm.

The makers of Dodge Trucks are being criticized for using a sermon from Martin Luther King, Jr in their Super Bowl Ad. The company stood behind the ad, saying they’ve long admired Dr. King’s “I Have a Ram” speech.

Australian-owned luxury cruise line Scenic Cruises plans to commission its 2nd ship equipped with its own helicopter and submarine. They say the vessels will help affluent travelers get to hard-to-reach exotic locations, and will also help to transport vomiting norovirus victims to the middle of the ocean faster.

MMA fighter Timothy Woods attempted to throw his opponent, Tim Caron, to the mat, but instead landed on his head and knocked himself unconscious for several minutes, losing the bout. Woods also punched himself in a mirror when he woke up, losing the rematch.

Ray Lewis was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, joining O.J. Simpson in the Acquitted Double Murderer wing.

Scientists claim to have discovered the first warm-bodied fish. It swims alone because it isn’t very smart and is named Ryan Lochte.

A joint women’s ice hockey team comprised of North and South Koreans played its first pre-Olympic match against a team from Sweden, losing 3-1. The North Korean players hope to improve their execution during the official games, and avoid execution once they arrive home after.

Cape Town, South Africa pushed back ‘Day Zero’ – the estimated day when it exhausts running water – from April 16 to May 11, citing a decrease in agricultural water use and its citizens’ unexpected strength ‘holding it’.

 

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ABC announced its newest Bachelor — 35 year-old race car driver Arie Luyendyk, Jr. Dozens of young women will now battle it out for pole position.

China has banned soft cheese imports. Now no one there has to worry about saying ‘brie’ or ‘camembert’ correctly.

A new Miss America will be crowned Sunday night. Miss Florida’s talent will be ‘getting out of Florida.’

UFC women’s fighter Paige VanZant told ‘The MMA Hour’ that she’s “passed out in her bathroom” cutting weight before fights. Her boyfriend said he passed out in the bathroom after she used it, too.

Chili’s announced that it’s eliminating 40% of its menu items, in a move that recent diners at Chili’s call ‘a good start’.

  • The chain made the move after research showed customers got confused looking through so many pictures to find the fajitas and ribs.

A 13 year-old girl in England who died from a brain aneurysm set a record by having 8 of her organs donated and successfully transplanted. The number would have been greater but one finicky recipient wanted blue eyes, not brown.

The FBI is investigating whether Uber used software to illegally interfere with its competitors. Uber denied the claim, saying its software is only used to gouge its own customers.

Anna Faris, now separated from husband Chris Pratt, said on her podcast that Pratt was not her best friend. Pratt said that Faris wasn’t his best friend either. Their nanny was.

Equifax announced one of the largest data breaches in U.S. history, with over 140 million persons’ records stolen, including names, addresses and social security numbers. Identity thieves expressed disappointment in how terrible everyone’s credit scores are.

Disney introduced a new group of 8 Mouseketeers – the first new group in 20 years. The new kids will star in the rebooted Club Mickey Mouse, which can only be viewed on social media. ‘Club Mickey Mouse’ is now parents’ most-blocked account on Facebook and Instagram.