By |

New research from Japan suggests dogs eyes can well up with tears of joy when reunited with their owners. Then the cat makes fun of them.

More details are emerging regarding Gary Busey’s sex assault charges at Monster Mania in New Jersey. Busey allegedly grabbed two women’s buttocks and tried to unhook a bra. Busey is likely banned at future Monster Mania conventions, but is now invited to several Trump Rallys.

Former Playmates say Hugh Hefner encouraged them to have risky, unprotected sex with him. Sex was unprotected because he didn’t use a condom, and risky because he turned off his pacemaker.

Tesla raised the price of Full Self Driving software in its cars to $15,000. Which sounds expensive, but it comes with 10 downloadable movies to watch and a sex swing for the backseat.

Apple will let you repair certain Macbook laptops yourself starting Tuesday. Then, starting Wednesday, you can see if someone else can fix the damage you did.

Viral video shows a woman performing oral sex on a man in the outfield upper deck during an Oakland A’s baseball game. Despite sitting 500 feet from home plate, she was still struck by foul balls.

Meghan Markle said on a podcast that her baby Archie’s nursery caught fire while she was away giving a speech in South Africa. Archie was okay, and has since quit smoking.

Fans of HBO’s new Game of Thrones prequel ‘House Of The Dragon’ are angry at a scene where a man forces a woman to have a c-section, killing her. They say the scene isn’t faithful to the original books, because it takes place in Texas in 2022.

The car and body of missing California teen Kiely Rodny was found in 35 minutes by dive team Adventures With Purpose, after local cops say they spent 20,000 man hours searching the same lake. Adventures With Purpose said they were more successful because they actually went in the water.

Residents of Mexico City say it’s being gentrified by American expatriates moving there to work remotely and avoid the costs of big cities like New York or Los Angeles. They also blame the $50,000 hiring bonuses being offered by the Sinaloa drug cartel.

By |

Former CBS News anchor Connie Chung commented on Donald Trump’s conflict with Lesley Stahl during their ’60 Minutes’ interview – then returned to her lab to process paternity tests for husband Maury Povich.

Facebook is launching a cloud gaming service, but only for Windows and Android devices because Apple won’t allow it – unless, of course, Facebook releases Apple’s favorite game, Pay Up Or Else.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson cut open his face while throwing 50-pound metal chains at the gym. The wound required several stitches from a doctor stunned to see blood from a Rock.

Phil Collins’ attorneys sent a cease-and-desist letter to Donald Trump, demanding that he stop playing ‘In The Air Tonight‘ at his rallies – but that Trump could still use ‘Against All Odds‘ if he wants.

A new study finds diet sodas increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, especially new Coke Zero Heart Rate.

NASA said they discovered traces of water on the Moon. They had planned a new mission to inspect it, until they found Neil Armstrong’s Dixie cups discarded next to it.

Unnamed Fox News anchors are in quarantine after being exposed to a COVID-19 positive individual on a private plane. Fox News said they’re shocked it’s only a few employees, since all of them are required to kiss Donald Trump’s ass.

Experts say school ventilation systems should be capable of filtering and changing out the air in classrooms 3 times an hour. However, to ensure safe breathing, that should increase to 6 times during the pandemic, and Taco Tuesday.

Bud Light Hard Seltzer released three new Holiday flavors: Ginger Snap, Peppermint Pattie and Apple Crisp. They’re being sold in a 12-can Ugly Sweater Pack, which is how your sweater will look after you vomit the new flavors on to it.

A California mailman encountered a man who had cut his arm with a chain saw and bleeding profusely. The mailman quickly used his belt as a tourniquet, but delivered it to the wrong arm.

By |

Penn State University researchers say mouthwashes and oral rinses kill coronavirus. They studied several hundred Penn State freshman & sophomore dorm residents who really needed to wash their mouths out for some reason.

Netflix canceled Hillary Swank astronaut drama Away after one season. They’re considering merging it with another Netflix series recently cancelled after one season to make Teenage Bounty Hunters In Outer Space.

Melania Trump cancelled a planned appearance at her husband’s rally in Erie, Pennsylvania, citing a nagging cough, and also citing the rally being in Erie, Pennsylvania.

USA Today gave its first-ever presidential candidate endorsement to Joe Biden, although most people didn’t see it because they only read the red and purple sections.

As expected the Department of Justice filed antitrust charges against Google. Google denied monopoly power of its search technology, saying if people wanted to, they could use Bing. Then they ended the Zoom meeting and laughed for 20 minutes.

Ford unveiled a new self=driving vehicle it hopes to launch in 2022. It starts by memorizing familiar routes for Ford vehicles, like the way to the repair shop.

Donald Trump abruptly ended what was to have been a longer interview with 60 Minutes Lesley Stahl after 45 minutes, then did not return. Stahl said she regretted scheduling the interview when The Bachelorette was on.

California set a timetable for large theme parks like Disneyland to reopen at partial capacity – now it’s a race against time for princesses to fit into their dresses.

An estimated 67,000 felons residing in Florida are currently registered to vote – 67,003 if you count the guys currently robbing the bank across from a polling place.

A Texas woman died on a plane of COVID-19. Several Spirit Airlines passengers also died of unknown causes, which a spokesperson for Spirit Airlines called “a Tuesday”.

By |

The New York Times endorsed both Amy Klobuchar and Elizabeth Warren as Democratic Party candidates for President. Donald Trump said that he, too, endorses “two women at the same time”.

Frontier Communications, which provides cable tv & internet service in 29 different states, plans to file for bankruptcy. Executives blame high operating expense, and not realizing that they could just jack up prices every year for the hell of it.

Golf-ball sized hailstones hit parts of Australia. Koalas and kangaroos, already exhausted by wildfires, are now dealing with concussions.

Kelly Ripa said that she stopped drinking when Ryan Seacrest became her cohost, adding that it’s probably a good idea to wait until the show’s over at 10a.m., anyway.

Prince Harry said he and Meghan Markle had “no other option” than to stand down as royals. Meanwhile a thousand different homeless Londoners asked if they could try out Harry & Meg’s unacceptable option for a couple of days.

French tennis player Elliot Benchirit was told off by an Australian Open umpire because he asked a tournament ball girl to peel the banana he planned to eat during a changeover. The umpire told Benchirit to take it out of his shorts pocket.

Gun rights advocates gathered in Richmond, Virginia in a protest against additional gun control in the state. Asked how it was different from a Trump rally, attendees said “calmer, with fewer guns”.

Navigation app Waze is mistakenly sending drivers heading to the Borgata hotel in Atlantic City to a wildlife preserve 60 miles away. The wildlife preserve was established as a safe haven for retired Atlantic City hookers.

A commercial airline pilot has been fired for writing pro-Trump and racist graffiti in the bathroom of a Florida airport. The pilot admitted he has “anger issues” and “a new job with Frontier Airlines”.

Tim Tebow got married in South Africa over the weekend. His wife said she hopes the avowed virgin Tebow is better at sex than he is at baseball.