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Amazon plans to release an enhanced version of Alexa and charge a subscription fee. Although single men may not pay for an enhanced woman just to hear what she has to say.

MV Dali, the cargo ship that crashed into and toppled Baltimore’s Key Bridge, was finally pulled from the wreckage and hauled to a nearby port. “Hello, Dali” said the harbormaster.

TV streamer Hulu is releasing special programming for Pride Month. Although women already can’t stream romantic comedies on Hulu without their boyfriends and husbands telling them how gay they are.

Taylor Swift appeared to have a hickey on her neck during her most recent concert. Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker sent a video to teammate Travis Kelce warning of the dangers of ‘heavy necking and petting’.

Scarlett Johansson is suing Open AI for using a near-replica of her voice for their Chat GPT product. Chat GPT said they don’t have the money because they mistakenly hired Fran Drescher and paid her millions to stop talking.

A New Jersey teen enlisted Philadelphia Phillies superstar Bryce Harper for a ‘promposal’. He went with the teen to the girl’s house to ask her to go to prom with the boy, then asked if she wanted to go on the team’s next road trip to Los Angeles.

Graceland is reportedly under foreclosure due to an alleged unpaid debt by the late Lisa Marie Presley. Her daughter Riley Keough is suing to stop a foreclosure auction, saying there is no debt, and the lender ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, lyin’ all the time.

A hiker walking in Grand Teton National Park was attacked by a grizzly bear. He survived and is listed in critical condition. The bear suffered two missing teeth.

Russia reportedly launched a space weapon capable of shooting down U.S. satellites in orbit. They’re currently taking a collection to shoot down whatever satellite transmits Real Time with Bill Maher for HBO.

Teenage boys annual spending on fragrances rose 26%, as they turn to more expensive options. Experts believe the trend is driven by girlfriends who give them money to buy anything besides Axe.

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American Airlines announced a round trip flight from Philadelphia to Brazil for the Eagles season opener. Brazil Customs is training agents to deal with a plane load of drunks replying “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!..” when asked if they have anything to declare.

The Today Show profiled 110-year-old Vincent Dransfield of Little Falls, New Jersey, who lives on his own and drives his Hyundai sedan every day. A special summit between New Jersey home invaders and carjackers was held to see who gets first dibs.

Gene Simmons of KISS mentored competitors on American Idol. Female singers requested restraining orders and male singers said they didn’t have the $1,000 he demanded for a 10-minute conversation.

Cher & Mary J. Blige were among the new inductees to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. In other news Judas Priest was among the inductees to the Childrens Music Hall of Fame.

Donald Trump’s hush money case began in New York with opening arguments – starting with Trump in the hallway outside the courtroom arguing with nobody.

Younger voters claim American democracy is failing – not because of partisan politics or aging presidential candidates, but they’re worried they could lose TikTok.

Divorcing Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner and soon-to-be-ex Theresa Nist have a prenuptial agreement, and highly recommend it to others. They also recommend that it be prepared in 30-point typeface.

LPGA golfer Nelly Korda won the Chevron Championship, her fifth consecutive tournament win, bringing her total winnings to over $2.4 million this season, and bringing her text messages from WNBA players offering to be her caddy.

A school in Australia set off 2,013 confetti cannons at the same time to set a world record. The school janitor then announced he quit.

A British sheep farmer said he uses Axe Body Spray on his male sheep to mask hormones that keep them from fighting each other. The bad news is female sheep won’t breed with them because of the smell.

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A South Carolina woman was charged with murder after poisoning her late husband with eye drops – which he totally did not see coming.

A truck carrying Axe body spray crashed in Texas, sending the product all over an area highway. This was bad news for cleanup crews, and good news for the shy raccoon with no game who finally got the ladies’ attention with his new scent.

Nike chose embattled former NFL qb Colin Kaepernick to be the face of its new ‘Just Do It’ campaign, leading to protests from those who oppose his national anthem protests. Some posted videos burning Nike shoes and apparel – several kids were injured trying to snatch the burning shoes rather than wearing the ones their Moms got them at Payless.

An Emirates Airline jet from Dubai to New York was quarantined post-landing Wednesday after 10 passengers aboard reported feeling ill. Some say that passengers picked up at a stop in Mecca brought the flu on board – others blamed the Baba Ghannouj breakfast sandwiches that Emirates borrowed from Spirit Airlines.

In Iowa, a 50-year-old man accidentally shot his 55-year-old brother on the first day of squirrel hunting season. The victim was treated for non-life-threatening injuries, and said it was partially his fault for trying to get sunflower seeds out of a bird feeder.

NASA is reportedly considering raising money for future missions by selling the naming rights for launches to marketing partners. Branding experts are hesitant, saying nobody wants to be asking a friend in 15 years where they were when the Cap’n Crunch Shuttle exploded…

The National Hockey League is reportedly asking that Washington Capitals players – each of whom gets a day with the Stanley Cup – not do “keg stands”, or, inverted beer chugging, out of it. The NHL is worried about damage to the trophy, and less worried that players will slip and knock their teeth out.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop brand paid $145,000 in civil penalties in California for falsely claiming that Jade and Rose Quartz stone “vaginal eggs” would, when placed in the vagina, improve bladder control, boost orgasms and regulate hormones. Family-minded women buying them also said that the eggs were “impossible to fertilize”.

Kim Kardashian is making another trip to the White House, this time attempting to free 30-year-old Chris Young, a convicted drug dealer serving a life sentence. This will be Kardashian’s second meeting in the Oval Office, moving her two ahead of Melania.

Rumors surfaced that Melania Trump’s “kidney operation” earlier this year may have actually been another enlargement surgery for her breasts. The rumors were fueled by photos of the First Lady in a snug top, showing off her kidney-shaped bosom.