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High winds blew a bounce house — and a 9-year-old child inside of it — on to a Southern California highway, where it was struck by a car. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” asked a California Highway Patrolman to the 9-year-old.

The Milwaukee Bucks are reportedly considering hiring San Antonio Spurs assistant Becky Hammon to be the NBA’s first woman head coach.. :

  • All 11 boys on her team are happy they’ll each get a turn to shoot the ball.
  • “Traveling? I LOVE traveling!”
  • Players will arrive 10 minutes early to pregame shootaround so she can ask “is THAT what you’re wearing?”.. and make them change, if necessary.

A mysterious bacterial infection is killing large volumes of coral reefs in the Florida Keys. Scientists aren’t sure how the bacteria got there, but they want to speak to several women seen swimming near the reefs with their bikini bottoms off.

The summit between President Trump and Kim Jong Un will take place on June 12th in Singapore. Trump will take Air Force One; Kim rarely flies, so his staff are working on air travel logistics, starting with getting him upgraded from Boarding Group 6.

North Korea is also detailing plans to dismantle their nuclear test sites – starting with a nationwide plutonium raffle, paired with one final nuclear missile shot straight up in the air that lands back on the test site.

An Iowa man – paroled after an arrest for making methamphetamine in a home where a children’s daycare operated – has been arrested again on meth charges. He explained to officers that he had to get involved in the cooking operation again, because all of his employees left for kindergarten.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders reportedly berated White House Communications staff for leaking staffer Kelly Sadler’s comment that Senator John McCain’s opposition to Gina Haspel as CIA director didn’t matter because “he’s dying anyway.” Then she got mad about the leak about her getting mad about the other leak…and so on, and so on.

Hawaii’s Big Island is bracing for more eruptions from the Kilauea volcano. Island officials are making plans for possible evacuations, and burn treatments for Tony Robbins seminar participants who keep taking barefoot ‘courage walks’ across the lava flows.

Clearwater Beach, Florida was named TripAdvisor’s World’s Best Beach for 2018, edging out such other exotic beaches as The Ones With Far Fewer Dirtbags.

A Florida mother made her son surrender to police after she saw him in surveillance video from a robbery that was captured with a doorbell camera and shared by police. She plans to post bond for her son, but he is soooo grounded.

A dragon float caught fire during the Festival of Fantasy parade at Disney World on Friday. The fire was quickly extinguished, but Huey, Dewey and Louie were questioned by Uncle Donald who wondered what they were doing with rolling papers and a lighter.

Amanda Nunes defeated Raquel Pennington for the bantamweight title in UFC 224’s main event. Nunes and Pennington are the first pair of openly gay women to face each other in a UFC title bout. “Openly” being the operative word here.

 

 

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Donald Trump was added to the Hall of Presidents at Disney World in Florida. His big line is “no puppet..you’re the puppet” to the other puppets, then he sits down and watches six hours of TV.

Toys R Us is said to be closing up to 100 stores. Once the locations are announced, parents are invited to bring their toddlers in for one final meltdown for old time’s sake.

Reverend Gregory Greiten – a Catholic priest in Milwaukee – came out as gay, telling his parishioners that he exclusively doesn’t have sex with men.

  • After making the announcement at mass, he received a standing ovation, except for the altar boys, who he’d asked to keep kneeling.
  • Greiten said he came out because he was ‘weary of holding it in.’ “You’re telling me!” said a wisecracking man that Greiten is totally not having sex with.

Facebook says that the U.S. Government is making more secret requests for user data than ever before; proving if there’s anything Facebook is worse at than designing user settings, it’s understanding what ‘secret’ means.

Apple AirPods are sold out for the Holidays. So you can either wait until they’re back in stock, or suck it up and reuse the pair you fished out after they dropped from your ears into the toilet.

Shares of Twitter are up 6% this week and 40% this year, as takeover rumors continue to swirl around the company. Facebook is reportedly not interested, even though it would lead to massive productivity increases from users not having to copy their Facebook status into a Tweet.

Driver Danica Patrick announced that she is no longer together with longtime boyfriend and fellow NASCAR driver Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. Insiders say their relationship had been running under a caution flag for some time, until it was just the pits.

Sarah Palin’s oldest son, Track Palin, was arrested for domestic violence after getting into a fight with his father, Todd, over a truck. The younger Palin had apparently been drinking, and the fight left his father bloodied and covered in Track marks.

Reddit officially launched its new mobile tools for users, allowing commenting and chat for the dozen or so Reddit users that actually leave their house.

 

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Richard Thaler, professor at the University of Chicago, won the 2017 Nobel Prize in Economics for research into why people don’t make rational economic decisions. Thaler thanked the Nobel committee and his research subjects – broke losers who buy UFC & WWE pay-per-view.

Vice President Mike Pence and his wife briefly attended the Indianapolis Colts/San Francisco 49ers NFL game on Sunday, but then left after the national anthem because of player protests. Pence sent tweets explaining his actions, and ushers spent the rest of the game kicking drunk Hoosiers out of his seats.

  • It’s estimated that Pence’s trip cost U.S. taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars in travel, security and $12 stadium Coors Lights.

Sofia Vergara documented her mammogram on Instagram; the Facebook Live event drew millions but was cancelled when technicians couldn’t find a mammography machine big enough.

North Korea’s Kim Jong Un promoted his 28 year-old younger sister Kim Yo Yong to the country’s highest decision-making body, the Political Bureau. She said she hopes to adopt a Lean In policy — referring to ideas from her older sister, Lean In Yong.

  • Kim Jong Un said he got the idea for appointing his sister from Donald Trump’s appointment of Ivanka, while conceding the difference that Kim Yo is his sister, and Ivanka is Donald’s girl crush.

GOP Senator Bob Corker and President Trump traded jabs on Twitter, with Trump calling Corker a ‘negative voice’ in the Senate, and Corker calling the White House an ‘adult day care’.  The President was unavailable for comment during his nap after screening the My Little Pony Movie.

Actor James Woods denied that he’s retiring from acting, a statement confirmed by several 16 year-old girls he invited to audition with him in a new movie produced by Harvey Weinstein.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that Dallas Cowboys players who ‘disrespect’ the flag during the national anthem will be benched — presumably, for kickoffs and extra points.

U.S. soccer star Alex Morgan apologized for her drunken incident at Disney World’s Epcot Center, where she and friends were escorted out of the park after a fight at the pavilion’s British pub. No municipal charges were filed, but Disney World lawmakers say that Morgan has been sentenced to three penalty kicks from Minnie Mouse.

A new story reveals that Angelina Jolie once offered to help capture fugitive Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony by joining him at dinner. The plan failed when Kony decided he’d rather eat somewhere else than Red Lobster.

Elon Musk announced that, due to delays in production in Tesla’s passenger vehicle line, he’s delayed production of Tesla’s planned semi truck. As a result, production has been halted on Burt Reynolds comeback movie, Smokey and the Electric Convoy.

 

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1,069 dancing robots in China broke the Guinness world record for synchronized robot dancing. Once they finished, the robots went back to stealing good American jobs.

  • The robots’ parents are disappointed that they chose dancing over a more secure job like building iPads, but the robots’ girlfriends still believe in them.

A woman in Missouri donated more than 1,000 ounces of breast milk to Houston-area families impacted by Hurricane Harvey. She’s been inundated with questions from Dads asking how to get it into their wives’ breasts.

  • “No thanks, I’ll stick with water” said Houston’s homeless single men.

Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign memoir hits stores Tuesday, because Tuesdays are her lucky day of the week.

Disney World is set to reopen on Tuesday, just days after Hurricane Irma passed by Orlando, although some attractions will be closed. Mr. Toad remains shaken after an even wilder ride than he’s used to.

The New England Patriots are already replacing the newly-installed artificial turf at their home field, Gillette Stadium, after losing their first game of the 2017 season playing on it. Players complained that the field was too soft, and the coaching staff was unhappy with the microphones installed on the visitor’s sideline.

YouTube star PewDiePie is under fire for using the n-word while broadcasting a live stream of him while he played a video game. More troubling is that the game is chess.

Apple is expected to debut the first $1,000 iPhones on Tuesday; experts say you should expect to spend 2-3 months salary on an engagement ring or one of the new phones.

China has notified the World Trade Organization that it will ban the import of certain types of solid waste sent from the U.S. The waste includes scrap plastic, unsorted paper, and millions of copies of ‘Trump: The Art of the Deal’.

Miss North Dakota, 23 year-old Cara Mund, was crowned Miss America 2018 on Sunday night in Atlantic City. Mund plans to use the $50,000 scholarship to open a school for her fellow militia members back home.