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A Southwest Airlines jet is being investigated for taking off from a closed runway at Portland Airport. Meanwhile, a Spirit Airlines jet is being investigated after taking off from a dirt road in rural Alabama after picking up their last passenger at home.

Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft remains stuck at the International Space Station, with no definitive date for return. According to the Starliner crew, the guy ordered the parts but shipping takes, like, forever.

Steve Bannon’s final appeal for contempt of Congress failed and he must report to prison. Other prisoners looking at his belly realized they’ll need at least an 8-inch shank if it’s going to make a difference.

Uno and other board games are being modified so that colorblind people can enjoy them – taking away the last good excuse colorblind people had for saying “no thanks” to playing Uno on Thanksgiving and watching the football game.

Democrats are evalutating whether or not Joe Biden should drop out of the Presidential Race after his poor debate performance. Especially considering that his next faceoff with Donald Trump is a Presidential Big Mac Eating Contest.

WNBA Phoenix Mercury stars Diana Taurasi and Britney Griner were praised for taking a brief pregame moment to shake hands and speak with new Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark. Griner took an extra couple of seconds to repeat her cell phone number.

A new business trend is ‘fractional hiring’ – where businesses hire professionals possessing specific expertise on a part-time or contract basis. Those fractional hires then totally fire the more expensive full-time employees.

Walt Disney World reopened the Rock n’ Roller Coaster after a six-month refurbishment. It received a rave review from the guy and his kid who’ve been standing in line waiting to ride it since late January.

An anti-aging drug, rapamycin, has reportedly been proven to extend the life of mice in lab trials – so that the mice can go on to participate in other lab trials that will certainly shorten their life.

New York Police made multiple arrests when brawls broke out in the city’s Washington Square Park following the June 30th Pride Parade. Cops left the riot gear in their van after witnessing some of the softest punches ever thrown.

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The estate of the late Paul Reubens – ‘Pee Wee Herman’ is auctioning furniture from his private collection. Buyers are advised that the furniture does not talk, and seats from his private screening room are sold ‘as is’.

ESPN host Pat McAfee apologized for calling WNBA Indiana Fever rookie Caitlin Clark a “white b*tch” while praising her impact on the league. McAfee promised to only use the phrase when referring to caucasian male athletes he doesn’t like.

A Delta Airlines first class passenger had a “poop accident” which caused the entire front of the aircraft to stink. Other passengers praised the flight attendant’s handling of the difficult situation, as she used her heel to kick out a window so oxygen masks deployed.

A Philadelphia city crossing guard was arrested for giving cannabis edibles to teenagers on their way to school. None of the kids are learning anything, but everyone’s chill and hallway fistfights are way down.

Donald Trump lost his New York State gun permit after his felony conviction. He’s still expected to get off 100 shots at his Florida & New Jersey golf courses, then say he shot 70.

A toddler was lifted in to the air by her shirt by a giraffe as the family drove through a Texas safari park. The giraffe lowered the toddler back down without injury, but the toddler will be a little quicker to hand over the Skittles next time.

For the first time ever, ocean wildlife observers in Australia witnessed a tiger shark regurgitating a whole echidna – a dome-shaped sea mammal covered in spines. In another first, that same day, they witnessed a different shark regurgitate an entire Arby’s Beef & Cheddar combo.

A 2022 study asserted that 38 percent of WNBA players are gay. A similar study of NBA players remains incomplete because 10 percent of the players haven’t returned the questionnaire.

Author Suzanne Collins announced a fifth ‘Hunger Games’ book – a prequel set 24 years before the original – tentatively titled “No Thanks I’m Full’.

A new sexually-transmitted fungal infection, TMVII, was found on a New York City man, with rashes on his penis, buttocks & limbs after he traveled to Greece, England & California and had sex with partners in each location. Worse, he can’t find a doctor he can pay in frequent flier miles.

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For the first time, scientists observed a wild orangutan chewing a medicinal plant, then placing it on its own face to treat a wound. The orangutan tried the plant thing after figuring out that wiping his poop on the wound didn’t help.

The blue rock thrush – an extremely rare bird – was spotted in Oregon, the first-ever North American sighting. Meanwhile, bird watchers reported thousands of sightings of the classic rock thrush at an REO Speedwagon concert.

Tiger Woods accepted an exemption from the United States Golf Association and will participate in this year’s U.S. Open. It’s the first time he’s needed an exemption since 1996, before he banged his first restaurant hostess.

Peloton laid off 400 employees and the CEO is quitting. They’ve been offered severance, and an instructor to yell “come on! you can do it!” at them.

New Jersey parents filed a lawsuit after their 5-year-old daughter’s arm was stuck in an elevator door. After the lawsuit, they expect their bank balance to be Going Up!

With Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark joining the league and drawing a huge airport crowd at a game in Dallas, players are once again calling for private air travel instead of commercial. League owners are balking, asking WNBA players how many other people making $75,000 a year they know who fly on private jets.

Shares of Novo Norodisk, maker of weight loss drug Wegovy, dropped 7% after releasing first quarter results. The CEO had to remind everybody that declining numbers aren’t always a good thing.

A Pennsylvania man awaits sentencing from Turks & Caicos after mistakenly bringing live ammunition on a vacation there. While he hopes to avoid jail time, prosecutors assured him he’ll be housed in an all-inclusive resort.

A North Carolina couple said their 3-year-old daughter’s insistence that a ‘monster’ lived in her bedroom wall led to the discovery of 50,000 bees. “See, there’s no monster, now go to sleep” said the parents.

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem falsely claims in a new book she met North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un while serving in Congress, ‘staring him down’. She is now backtracking saying she stared down the delivery driver for Jong Kim Un’s korean barbecue when they delivered the wrong order.

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A Philadelphia man was assaulted by dirt bikers & ATV riders as they tried to steal his scooter. Philadelphia notches the first recorded case of ScootJacking.

Dora The Explorer is getting a reboot on Paramount +, after Dora emerged from extensive counseling following her work with Nickelodeon’s Dan Schneider in the early 2000s.

Five military horses escaped and ran wild through the streets of central London, damaging cars and injuring pedestrians. Authorities pursued the horses through late afternoon, until the horses stopped for tea & scones.

Actress Christina Applegate said on her podcast that she’s been sick for three weeks with sapovirus – accidental ingestion of human fecal matter. Applegate announced she’s no longer a Brand Ambassador for Saladworks.

TikTok’s CEO vowed to fight a U.S. law requiring the Chinese government’s sale of the app within a year. The U.S. Government said if they can’t make them sell it, they’ll make them change the name to MySpace and everyone will just stop using it.

South Korea is considering a ban on the iPhone for use by their armed forces, because they deem it a security threat. This follows a move by North Korea, which has already banned paper cups atttached to strings for the same reason.

Motley Crue signed with record label Big Machine, with frontman Vince Neil saying “we don’t want to stagnate”. This Friday, they’ll release a new single, ‘Dogs Of War’, with Billboard projecting it could land at #1 on the Stagnated Dinosaur Rock chart.

Theresa Nist, ex-wife of Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, told People magazine in a new interview that she “found a new joy in life” – as she opened the drawer of her nightstand.

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy said WNBA star Caitlin Clark is getting “screwed” by Nike over her 8-year, $28 million endorsement deal that includes a signature Clark shoe. Nike defended the deal, saying it also includes a matching Caitlin Clark belt and handbag.

A Texas high school cheerleader who was named Valedictorian was notified that a calculation error was found, dropping her to 3rd in the class. However, her measurements were verified so she still gets to keep her cheerleading scholarship offers.

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Doctors are reporting an increase in women with serious infections from using press-on nails. They say if they don’t stop using them they’ll eventually have to switch to press-on fingers.

Dubai experienced record rainfall and flooding. First responders used lifeboats to rescue hundreds of residents stranded in cars & on camels.

Planet Fitness has a new CEO, Colleen Keating. She plans on showing up for three days straight then never again..

Researchers found some species of bees can survive underwater for up to a week. They’re called Scoo-bees.

Airlines say they’re expecting a record summer of travel. They also forecast high demand for first class and – in the case of Spirit & Frontier – no class.

The WNBA commissioner said superstar Caitlin Clark’s $360,000 total salary for her first four years in the league is a “false narrative”. She added that low pay for non-starters and lesser-known WNBA players is a “true narrative”.

Over a dozen members of the Kennedy family endorsed Joe Biden for President instead of their blood relative, independent Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. In a statement RFK Jr. said he can’t believe they’d assassinate a Kennedy….. ‘s character.

A British comedian, Samantha Hannah, set a goal of finding a husband in a year. She found a man who eventually proposed, even though Samantha said she could only do about a half-hour.

12 jurors have been seated in Donald Trump’s New York hush money trial, although the trial can’t proceed until they find 6 alternates, who could replace primary jurors once they admit that they, too, had sex with Stormy Daniels.

A Maryland high school student was arrested after authoring a 129-page plan for a school shooting. They’re also interrogating the English teacher who told him he really needed to edit it down to 100 pages.

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Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce spent Easter Sunday in Philadelphia at the home of Jason Kelce, then returned to L.A. on her jet, where she recorded two hastily-written bonus tracks for her upcoming album, Not For Nothin’; & Jawn With The Wind.

New research claims dogs are able to associate some words with objects. Other research finds cats are able to associate an infinite number of objects and actions with “food”.

Adidas will redesign the number 4 on Germany’s national soccer team jerseys, after complaints that it resembles a symbol of Nazi paramilitary units. They’ll implement a new design just as soon as they fill all the backorders from Germany and the U.S.

Discount grocer Lidl is recalling macarons in 9 states due to potentially “lethal” mislabeling which omitted allergens in them. No deaths have been officially reported, but flags are flying at half-mast on Sesame Street.

Beyonce’s ‘Cowboy Carter’ country album broke single-day streaming records on Spotify, Amazon Music & elsewhere. The hundreds of millions of streams are expected to earn Bey royalties in excess of $300.

The number of U.S. workers over the age of 75 is expected to nearly double over the next decade. Translation: your fast food will likely be about half as fast.

‘Oppenheimer‘ was finally released in Japan – the only country to experience a nuclear strike. Afterward, many viewers said the experience left them bitter and sad, but that they’ll still see the Japan-produced sequel, Oppenheimer vs Godzilla.

Comedian Daniel Tosh shared an unsubstantiated rumor that Kylie Jenner is pregnant with Timothee Chalamet’s baby. Chalamet has reportedly been Dune her for months.

Actor Bill Murray hired a private investigator to find his cell phone after leaving it in an Uber. Murray successfully found the phone and determined he’d received zero acting offers.

LSU’s Angel Reese and Iowa’s Caitlin Clark – who’d sparred in Iowa’s 2023 national championship loss – exchanged a hug and whispers after Iowa won last night’s rematch. Clark said she told Reese to continue being great, and Reese told Clark to maybe think about makeup once in a while.