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In a divorce lawyer’s viral video, she lists the six most common professions of people who cheat on their spouse or significant other. They are: NBA point guard; NBA shooting guard; NBA small forward; NBA power forward; NBA center; & NBA coach.

Gen Z men & women are reportedly ditching dating apps in favor of trying to meet someone in person. Although many admit sharing nude pics as an icebreaker is a lot more risky that way.

Alaska Airlines passengers aboard the flight where a door plug blew off in midair were contacted by the FBI to say they may be “victims of a crime”. The FBI also sent letters to Spirit Airlines passengers saying they’re “victims of their own poor judgment.”

A new study finds venting anger verbally or physically is not as effective at inducing calm as yoga or meditation. However, the most calm person in the study was the woman who yelled at & punched someone after her yoga class.

Donald Trump appeared at a pretrial hearing in a case involving hush money payment to porn star Stormy Daniels. He said he’d be willing to plead guilty if someone would buy a sex tape of him & Stormy Daniels for $454 Million.

Kim Kardashian and NFL star Odell Beckham Jr reportedly split up after six months because she wanted to have a child with him. Beckham did not, but still said Kardashian was a talented wide receiver.

Chick-fil-A announced they’re changing their ‘No Antibiotics Ever’ policy for chickens to ‘No Antibiotics Important To Human Medicine’. Using only antibiotic-free chicken is limiting their supply, so they’re allowing poultry farmers to sell them chickens whose flu and gonorhhea have been successfully treated.

Utah’s Payson High School, location for 1984 film ‘Footloose‘, is having their final prom there because the school is relocating to a new building. 65-year-old star Kevin Bacon announced he’s accepted an invitation to attend – but his wife Kyra Sedgwick isn’t thrilled that he’s going with Payson High’s cheerleading captain.

Los Angeles Dodgers star Shohei Ohtani will publicly address a multi-million dollar gambling scandal that led to the firing of his Japanese language interpreter. At the very least, Americans are excited to learn how to say “double or nothing” in Japanese.

Philadelphia native Kevin Hart received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Like previous selection Adam Sandler, the committee was willing to overlook a lot of movies.

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A Pennsylvania woman discovered she’s a perfect match for a Kentucky man in need of a kidney. She’ll travel there for the transplant operation just as soon as Kentucky’s top kidney specialist gets his jackknife sharpened and new reading glasses.

Delta Airlines is eliminating a program guaranteeing passengers checked bags are on the carousel within 20 minutes of flight arrival, or the bag owner gets 2,500 flyer miles. They say every flight to Philadelphia is costing them about 2.5 million miles.

Liam Gallagher of Oasis – one of this year’s nominees for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame – told the Rock HoF to “do me a favor and f*ck off”. In response, board members of the Hall told Gallagher please don’t look back in anger.

The Department of Transportation is increasing Chinese airline flights to the U.S. from 35 per week to 50. The move is intended to limit the number of freezing deaths from Chinese tourists trying to enter the U.S. via spy balloons.

A Reddit user claimed that AI ChatGPT performed better when he offered it $100,000 to complete a task. ChatGPT finished the task, is still waiting on the money, and hired someone to break the Reddit user’s fingers.

Sony is laying off 900 employees from its PlayStation division, each of whom received Game Over notifications.

Ticket reseller SeatGeek is launching a ‘Smart Pricing’ feature that uses AI to tell sellers the best sales price for tickets, and a ‘Give Up’ feature that uses a buyer’s bank account & credit info to tell them there’s no way they’re getting Taylor Swift tickets.

Madonna has taken images of the late Luther Vandross out of an AIDS tribute displayed during her live show because he didn’t die of AIDS. The tribute contains photos of Freddie Mercury, Keith Haring… and Donald Trump, captioned with “Let’s Hope So”.

A new University of Texas study claims orgasms aren’t just for pleasure, they ‘rewire the brain’ to create a long-lasting bond between sex partners. The study explains why women have more guy friends, and why men are so good to their hands.

The latest Gen Z relationship trend is women seeking “babygirl” men. Instead of toxic masculinity, babygirl guys are in touch with their feminine side, display some feminine traits, and are gay.

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Gen Z is reportedly embracing physical books & libraries to escape the stresses of the digital world. This is confirmed by a surge in young men & women posting nude selfies to their Tinder profiles while reading books.

Donald Trump confused 7 Eleven and 9/11 during a speech. He then doubled down, saying he’ll never forget or forgive that they don’t have a Diet Coke Slurpee.

Jen Pawol could become the first woman to umpire 2024 regular season games for Major League Baseball. She’ll work Spring Training games, where she’ll become the first umpire to argue with players and managers by not speaking to them.

A passenger on a Lufthansa flight died after other passengers reported ‘liters of blood’ “gushing” from his nose & mouth. His family is demanding answers and a refund of the $20 in-flight snack box he ate before the incident.

The Church of Scientology and supporters of Jesus both aired Super Bowl ads, in hopes of attracting worshippers who no longer believe in Bud Light.

A new book claims James Gandolfini was unreliable while shooting the final two seasons of ‘The Sopranos’ due to “excesses of consumption”. Gandolfini acknowledged his unprofessional behavior, but never sought treatment for gabbagool dependency.

Shoshanna Lefler, 37 – a teacher at Manhattan’s prestigious High School for Health Careers & Sciences – resigned after video captured her going into a locked bathroom with a 17-year-old male student then handing him a wad of cash. No one believed her when she said the money was for the Scholastic Book Fair.

ABC announced The Golden Bachelorette series, but haven’t cast the 60-plus woman to take the role. Meanwhile ABC talent scouts are busy auditioning single senior men, each of whom is required to submit a video and proof of shingles vaccination.

In Hong Kong, a dragon made of 39,000 balloons to commemorate the Lunar New Year was certified for a Guinness World Record, before it was shot down in a U.S. drone strike.

A massive fire broke out at a new waterpark in Sweden before it opened to the public. First responders eventually contained the blaze, and treated themselves for minor burns in the wave pool.

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1 in 10 teens worldwide have used over-the-counter diet pills or another ineffective weight loss method. The other 9 are good at using photo filters on their phone.

Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots are parting ways after 24 seasons. This decision is killing owner Robert Kraft, who was hoping for a happy ending.

Chris Christie is ending his Presidential campaign. Christie had plenty of money for campaign ads, but the cost of jet fuel and catering crippled his budget.

GOP candidate Nikki Haley said people in their 20s should expect to work into their 70s because she’d raise the qualifying age for Social Security. Americans in their 20s took this to mean they get the next 40 or 50 years off.

Dead comedian George Carlin was ‘brought back to life’ in a new special generated by artificial intelligence. A new Larry the Cable Guy special is also planned, generated by an authentic lack of intelligence.

Hard seltzer maker White Claw introduced a zero-alcohol version, De-Clawed.

The National Football League announced which teams will play international games next season. The Jacksonville Jaguars filed a formal objection to the league’s plans to their scheduled home game in Gaza.

Aaron Rodgers will no longer appear on ESPN’s The Pat McAfee Show for the foreseeable future. In order to dial down the controversy, Rodgers’ regularly-scheduled segment on Tuesdays will now feature InfoWars Alex Jones.

Amy Schumer shared a ‘racy’ topless selfie with “40 extra pounds”. No word on what other comedian she took the 40 pounds from.

Gen Z’ers are going on social media to say they’re “resetting” their virginity. Boomers are saying they already did it years ago.

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Pope Francis approved blessings of same-sex couples, so long as the couples don’t confuse the blessing with the sacrament of marriage, and as long as he’s one-half of the couple.

She was fired as host of Jeopardy! Who is Mayim Bialik?

Home prices dropped more than 10% in the past year in San Francisco and Austin. If this trend continues, Gen Z buyers in those cities will qualify for a 30-year mortgage when they’re 63.

Pittsburgh’s U.S. Steel is being acquired by Japan’s Nippon Steel for $14 Billion. The NFL’s Pittsburgh Steelers will now be the Pittsburgh Steerers.

Israeli Defense Force soldiers claim to have found the largest Hamas tunnel in Gaza. It’s so big it has three Hamas EZ Pass lanes.

Microsoft Word is being criticized for its “inclusivity checker” feature, and for Clippy the Clip’s return to remind you of its preferred pronouns.

A new study finds that the average American eats the daily caloric equivalent of a fourth meal comprised entirely of junk food. Study authors can’t decide whether to call it Arbreakfast, McLunch, or Dinner Bell.

LGBT lawmakers in New York State want to ban Chick-fil-A from rest stops on the New York State Thruway. They’re evaluating suitable alternatives after finding out Popeye and Roy Rogers weren’t that crazy about gay people either.

Rapper Blueface threw a female fan off the stage during a performance in Utah, then told his rapper/fiance/co-performer Jaidyn to beat her up. The woman was safely escorted out by security, then resigned as Preaident of the Blueface Fan Club.

Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny are reportedly no longer a couple. It may be the first time a supermodel has been dumped by a Playboy Bunny.

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Kevin Costner’s estranged wife Christine Baumgartner said she’ll “enter the workforce” because $130,000/month in child support from Costner is insufficient. Although, at 49, with 3 teenagers, it’s unclear if she can get a nanny job to break up some other rich guy’s marriage.

An Italian water taxi company banned Kanye West and wife Bianca after images surfaced of her giving him oral sex on one of their vessels, and redefining “motorboating” in the process.

Transgender teacher Kayla Lemieux, famous for her prosthetic Z-cup breasts, has ditched them and now teaches under a given male name, Kerry Luc. No reason was given but it’s believed the Z-cup boobs kept them from reaching the chalkboard.

Spectrum, the 2nd-largest cable provider in the U.S., has dropped Disney-owned channels like ABC and ESPN – wreaking havoc on sports fans, and on senior women who are frantically trying to learn how to rig antennas so they don’t miss The Golden Bachelor.

China banned government officials from using iPhones – disappointing their grandchildren, who worked really hard building them.

Federal safety regulators are considering recalling 52 million vehicles for defective airbags. Auto makers are asking to wait until after winter, when icy roads will take the number down to about 48 milion.

The CDC is launching a new ad campaign for flu shots, saying they won’t prevent the flu, but will take it from Wild To Mild. They were promptly issued a cease & desist by the makers of KY lubricant, who promise to take the evening from Mild To Wild.

An Anchorage, Alaska couple whose house collapsed into a swollen river during a flood in early August were reunited with their cat, who’d escaped. They hugged Leo the cat, who promptly bit them and demanded something to eat before a nap.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar – Zack Morris on Saved By The Bell – joined the Pod Meets World podcast to discuss episodes that couldn’t be filmed today, like a scheme charging classmates $1 to kiss Lisa Turtle without her consent. He said an earlier version of the script contained ways for Lisa to earn $50 at a time.

Gen Z women are ditching tampons and pads and embracing “free bleeding” during their periods. They consider it “freeing”, and also a great way to convince their bosses to let them keep working from home.

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A 19-year-old U-Haul driver is accused of ramming a truck in to the fence at the White House. He was taken into custody, and the friends who are helping him move are wondering if they’ll ever get their free pizza.

The Los Angeles Dodgers reinvited a group of drag queens to their Pride Night celebration. They’d been excluded following conservative criticism, but were told by Major League Baseball they couldn’t be banned because they’re all members of the San Francisco Giants.

An empty plot of land in Dubai sold for $34 million – ending a bidding war between Dubai toddlers playing in the sand, and cats shitting in it.

A bird was killed after being struck by a baseball hit by Cleveland Guardians Will Brennan. Brennan was credited with a single; the bird was taken out of the game for lack of hustle.

New GOP presidential candidate Tim Scott fired back at Whoopi Goldberg for her saying that Scott, who’s black, has ‘Clarence Thomas syndrome’. Scott thinks the criticism is unjust, but also wouldn’t mind having a white billlionaire friend take him on expensive vacations.

A new study suggests people listen to sad songs to feel ‘connected’ to others. Men specifically listen to sad Taylor Swift songs because they want girls who like them to connect with them at the genitals.

Artificial intelligence company Sanctuary debuted Phoenix, their new humanoid robot that stands 5’7″ and can lift 55 pounds. Phoenix cost $20 million to build and can earn $17 an hour working at an Amazon warehouse.

One of America’s most popular handguns, the SIG Sauer P320 semi-automatic, is reportedly firing on its own even when holstered or sitting at rest. So say some police officers use it, as well as a guy who claims it shot his wife six times on its own.

The latest fashion trend amond Gen Z women is wearing only sheer bras and underwear as evening apparel. Men and women say they like seeing the look on Gen Z, but not on Gen XXXL.

A mother of two whose boyfriend of 15 years dumped her before their wedding spent $37,000 on a ‘revenge body’ – including a boob job, face lift, lip fillers, hair transplants, a Brazilian butt lift, liposuction, and vagina tightening. The ex-boyfriend asked how much it would cost for her to lose her kids.

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In a new survey, the majority of Gen Z respondents say they don’t like the greeting “Hey guys” to address a mixed-gender group because of its masculine bias. They also don’t like the gender-neutral “Hey whatever you are”.

Nearly a dozen Philadelphia junior high students were sickened after drinking grape juice laced with an opioid. A dozen other students were sickened after drinking Mountain Dew Gogi Citrus Strawberry soda laced with nothing.

Lyft is laying off 1,100 corporate employees, Lyft’s biggest-ever drop.

Gay hookup website TruckerSuckers was hacked, with usernames, passwords, birthdates and private messages all stolen. Nonetheless, it’s still a big ol’ 10-4 for the annual TruckerSuckers Convoy at the Flying J in Omaha for sucking truckers.

Doctors claim oral sex is driving an epidemic of throat cancer because of HPV, and because of people who use chewing tobacco while giving head.

Video of a Spirit Airlines worker patching the wing of a jet with silver tape went viral. Insiders claim that this is common practice using an aluminum product called Speed Tape. However, the Spirit worker’s tape still had a Dollar Tree label on it.

Rihanna will star in a new Smurfs movie, where the Smurfs discover Smurfette can’t really sing.

Amazon posted a first quarter profit of $3.2 billion, exceeding Wall Street estimates, but disappointing warehouse workers who were promised a pizza party if they hit $3.2001 billion.

Cody Sprague, a North Carolina man, allegedly recorded video of a dog performing a sexual act on him. He shared the dog with his girlfriend, who subsequently threw out Sprague, and three jars of Skippy.

An independent pro wrestler, MASADA, suffered significant burns at a California event when he tried to blow a fireball at his opponent and his head was engulfed in flame. He’s at a hospital where he’s being treated for burns, and a severe concussion after fellow wrestlers tried putting out the fire with folding chairs.

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Joe Biden spent the weekend at Camp David, where he played Mario Kart with his granddaughter. He kept his kart behind Princess Peach hoping to get a whiff of her hair.

Sia’s new movie, ‘Music’, was savaged by critics for its irresponsible portrayal of autism. Other writer/directors told Sia they “wouldn’t want to be ya”.

Gen Z declared the crying laughing emoji, skinny jeans, and side-parted hair uncool, and that they make you look old. The opinions are creating both hurt feelings and greater self-awareness for 40-year-old guys hitting on 20-year-olds on Tinder.

Nancy Pelosi is calling for a 9/11-type commission to investigate the January 6th D.C. Riots. Republicans dismissed it, saying Trumpers just wanted to murder Congress, not fly jets into the Capitol Building.

A New York Times essay claims teaching kids to do household chores like ordering takeout and emptying the diswasher can enrich their mental health. They say it works best with pre-teens, and not at all with adult male kids.

Sony was hit with a class action lawsuit over defective Playstation 5 controllers, by the thirty people who have actually been able to get a PS5.

Marriott CEO Arne Sorenson passed away. He’s survived by a wife, four children, and a goddamned ton of reward points.

Meghan Trainor gave birth to a baby boy, Riley. Now she’s all about that bassinet.

British researchers discovered “strange creatures” that survive under a mile of Antarctic ice. The males are really turned on by frigid females.

Adidas is selling the Reebok brand it acquired 15 years ago, saying the 1980s called and wanted it back.