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In a divorce lawyer’s viral video, she lists the six most common professions of people who cheat on their spouse or significant other. They are: NBA point guard; NBA shooting guard; NBA small forward; NBA power forward; NBA center; & NBA coach.

Gen Z men & women are reportedly ditching dating apps in favor of trying to meet someone in person. Although many admit sharing nude pics as an icebreaker is a lot more risky that way.

Alaska Airlines passengers aboard the flight where a door plug blew off in midair were contacted by the FBI to say they may be “victims of a crime”. The FBI also sent letters to Spirit Airlines passengers saying they’re “victims of their own poor judgment.”

A new study finds venting anger verbally or physically is not as effective at inducing calm as yoga or meditation. However, the most calm person in the study was the woman who yelled at & punched someone after her yoga class.

Donald Trump appeared at a pretrial hearing in a case involving hush money payment to porn star Stormy Daniels. He said he’d be willing to plead guilty if someone would buy a sex tape of him & Stormy Daniels for $454 Million.

Kim Kardashian and NFL star Odell Beckham Jr reportedly split up after six months because she wanted to have a child with him. Beckham did not, but still said Kardashian was a talented wide receiver.

Chick-fil-A announced they’re changing their ‘No Antibiotics Ever’ policy for chickens to ‘No Antibiotics Important To Human Medicine’. Using only antibiotic-free chicken is limiting their supply, so they’re allowing poultry farmers to sell them chickens whose flu and gonorhhea have been successfully treated.

Utah’s Payson High School, location for 1984 film ‘Footloose‘, is having their final prom there because the school is relocating to a new building. 65-year-old star Kevin Bacon announced he’s accepted an invitation to attend – but his wife Kyra Sedgwick isn’t thrilled that he’s going with Payson High’s cheerleading captain.

Los Angeles Dodgers star Shohei Ohtani will publicly address a multi-million dollar gambling scandal that led to the firing of his Japanese language interpreter. At the very least, Americans are excited to learn how to say “double or nothing” in Japanese.

Philadelphia native Kevin Hart received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Like previous selection Adam Sandler, the committee was willing to overlook a lot of movies.

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Following allegations of sex at Jeffrey Epstein’s home with a 17-year-old girl, Britain’s Prince Andrew has been stripped of his military titles. Andrew will no longer be officially addressed as Captain Horndog.

The Biden Administration will make face masks free for all Americans, delighting poor families whose kids will trick-or-treat as ‘Surgeon’ next Halloween.

An ‘exquisite’ 2,000-year-old Roman figure was found during a railway excavation in the United Kingdom – next to a ‘nefarious’ 2,000 year old figure of a mustached guy in a black top hat & cape who tied her there.

Female Walmart truck drivers filed a class action lawsuit over the company requiring them to wear mens pants on the job. The suit asks that they be allowed to dress more like Walmart customers, and wear no pants.

Rapper Meek Mill, actor Kevin Hart and Philadelphia 76ers co-owner Michael Rubin donated $15 million to defray costs at Philadelphia parochial & private schools, in case you were wondering where Father Michael got that new Lexus.

Retired player & NFL analyst Bart Scott recommended Buffalo Bills QB Josh Allen take Viagra to improve blood flow during Saturday’s playoff game, where temps will be in the single-digits. The idea was rejected by Mitch Morse, the Bills center who’s bent over snapping the ball to Allen.

The new BD Veritor COVID test allows you to digitally share your results with contacts. They’re also working on an STD test, where you’ll probably want to disable the contact-sharing until you see the results first.

Researchers discovered over 60 million “breeding nests” of Antarctic icefish on the floor of the frigid Weddell Sea. They were located after sonar detected Barry White songs coming from the icefish late-night breeding playlist.

Cannabis use can prevent COVID-19 infection, according to a new study which followed hundreds of stoners who weren’t leaving their house anyway.

Former ‘Bachelorette’ contestant Clint Arlis died at age 34. Bachelorettes placed roses on his grave, but added that doesn’t mean they want to make out with him again.

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The New Jersey race for Governor is too close to call, and may take up to a week to determine which candidate won, and which gets whacked.

An Israeli court halted the auction of a tattoo kit, described by the seller as having been used on inmates at Auschwitz. The legality and authenticity are in question, since the tattoo templates are of a fighting leprechaun.

Facebook is ending its use of facial recognition technology, saying it will eliminate the face-recognition templates of over 1 billion people, and 50 million cats & dogs.

Zillow plans to lay off 25% of their workforce now that they’ve stopped buying and selling houses. The workers saw huge declines in their salary Zestimates.

Boston elected Michelle Wu as Mayor, the first woman and first person of color to hold the office. Things got off to a rough start during her victory speech when she said she can’t wait to sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ for the Boston Celtics.

ISIS activity poses a threat to the new Taliban government in Afghanistan. “Yeah, maybe we sit this one out” said the United States.

Early reviews say Marvel’s ‘Eternals‘ debuts the first sex scene in the 13-year history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe – a claim disputed by purists insisting there’s a deleted scene of Ant-Man in the Wasp’s pants.

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station ate tacos made with green chiles grown in space. The leftovers will be returned to Earth and served at a public school cafeteria’s Taco Tuesday in 2025.

Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos reportedly had a lengthy dinner conversation with comedian Kevin Hart, to gauge Hart’s interest in offending the LGBTQ community.

Bravo announced a new ‘Housewives‘ spinoff series, ‘Real Housewives of Dubai‘. The kicker is, all the wives are married to the same guy.

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Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville said he called Donald Trump on January 6th to say Mike Pence was evacuated as rioters stormed the Capitol. Tuberville said “Mr. President, they just took the Vice President out..” Trump was satisfied that the hit he ordered was completed.

Kevin Hart was allegedly defrauded by his personal shopper for over $1 million in credit card charges. Although Hart was happy the 1 million Chase Freedom Unlimited reward points never expire.

Britney Spears has not seen the controversial ‘Framing Britney Spears’ documentary, because her conservator/father won’t pay for her cable bill.

Actress Gina Carano was fired from Disney + Star Wars drama ‘The Mandalorian’ following posts comparing being Republican to being a Jew in Nazi Germany. A Disney spokesperson said hurtful speech about Jews has been forbidden there for at least a year or two now.

Shia LaBeouf has entered an inpatient treatment program to deal with issues related to abusive behavior, after someone tricked him in to thinking he’ll be roommates with Marilyn Manson.

Hustler Magazine founder Larry Flynt passed away. If you’re sending flowers, make sure they’re pink.

Kimberly Guilfoyle said she’s ready to accept if Donald Trump Jr. proposes. She added that she feels like they’re already married, because he finally gave her the name of his coke dealer.

Aaron Rodgers is confirmed to be engaged to actress Shailene Woodley, star of the ‘Divergent’ films. “Divergent” will also describe their respective locations while Rodgers lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin during football season.

Hormel is acquiring Planters Nuts in a $3.4 billion deal, with part of the money going to surgically repair Mr. Peanut’s bad eye.

A plastic surgeon successfully removed Gorilla Glue from Tessica Brown’s head during a 4-hour procedure. However, the same doctor needed multiple sutures to close scalp wounds after Brown ran her two-inch fingernails through her hair.

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President Trump called off talks with Taliban leaders at Camp David. Things broke down when the Taliban heard it was catered by Burger King, and Trump aides refused Taliban requests to substitute meatless Impossible Whoppers.

Tomi Lahren’s fiancee, Brendan Fricke, is running for Congress in California. Fricke, an Independent, believes his candidacy will provide two big benefits – showing voters a conservative platform, and him spending extended time away from Tomi Lahren.

The Rock delivered the good news that car crash victim Kevin Hart is “doing very well”, and more good news that Hart won’t be making any new movies for a while.

Actress and multiple sclerosis advocate Selma Blair shared a photo with no hair and no pants – but shut down rumors she was auditioning for a new Britney Spears biopic.

Google is facing antitrust investigations by just about all U.S. states. What’s worse is when you ask Google Assistant if it’s a search and Internet monopoly, it replies an emphatic YES!

Apple is expected to debut new iPhones at an event on September 10th. “See? This is where all of our hard work pays off” said preteens in China.

Amazon is looking to fill 30,000 jobs and is having a Career Day on September 17th in six U.S. cities. Applicants are advised to bring resumes and dress to impress the robot interviewing them.

A 7-year-old boy who spent savings for a Disney vacation on supplies for Bahamian refugees was given a free trip to Disney World and a visit from Mickey Mouse. The boy asked if homeless Bahamian kids could go to Disney World and Mickey told him to forget it.

Scientists discovered evidence of a city-sized asteroid that killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago —  not to be confused with Election Day 2016, when the dinosaurs came roaring back into power.

A boy in Tennessee was bullied for wearing a homemade University of Tennessee Volunteers shirt to his grade school’s ‘College Colors’ day – so the Vols sent him boxes of official gear. Now the kid is being bullied because Tennessee’s 0-2 football team sucks.

David Lee Roth will perform a nine-show residency at the House of Blues – Las Vegas, marking the first time a Vegas act performed Louis Prima covers in over 40 years.

Todd Palin filed for a separation from Sarah Palin. He’ll move to Russia so Sarah can still keep an eye on him from home.

 

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Country Time offered to pay the fines of kids cited for operating unlicensed lemonade stands. No one is more excited than the kid fined for running an unlicensed stand selling lemonade and meth.

Food high in sodium and low in nutrients could lead to depression in preteens. The makers of Lunchables may change the name to Miserables.

UFC crowned its first Chinese champion, strawweight woman Weili Zhang. Zhang defeated Jessica Andrade in 42 seconds – stunning Andrade, who said she’s used to waiting 20 minutes for Chinese to show up.

President Trump spoke about the threat of Hurricane Dorian. He said he didn’t think he’d ever heard of a Category 5 Hurricane, adding that he only pays attention to 9s and 10s.

Hurricane Dorian will cause the Tuesday shutdown of Orlando International Airport. On the bright side, there is, like, no line at Space Mountain.

Kevin Hart suffered severe back injuries when his classic Dodge Barracuda was driven off the highway by a friend. It’s the worst wreck Hart has survived since ‘Soul Plane’.

Bugatti made the first production automobile to top 300mph. “We probably won’t insure that.” said an online sales associate for The General.

A 17-year-old went blind after eating only fries, chips, white bread and meat for most of his life. In a related story, McDonald’s hired their first blind Ronald McDonald.

Player-turned-broadcaster Alex Rodriguez told a national television audience during Sunday night’s Mets/Phillies telecast that “even leads are better than odd leads.” Managers around MLB no longer felt comfortable being ahead 15 runs in the 8th.

Apple is rumored to be bringing sleep tracking to the new edition of Apple Watch. They want to see if users talk about their Apple Watch in their sleep as much as when they’re awake.

 

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Apple released iOS 11 to the public, as CEO Tim Cook officially declared September 20th “Stare At The Download Bar On Your iPad For An Hour” Day.

  • iOS11 includes several new Augmented Reality features – including an Augmented Reality where you have the thousand dollars for an iPhone X.
  • Updates include changes to the App Store and a new Files app, giving you a convenient way to store music & photos that you’ll lose when you upgrade to iOS12.

TMZ released more photos of actor/comedian Kevin Hart allegedly cheating on his pregnant wife while in Las Vegas. In the latest images, Hart is seen posting a sign-up sheet for mistresses seeking to become his next wife.

Falling cereal sales led to General Mills reporting poor earnings to Wall Street, sending its stock price down 5%. While no formal layoffs have been announced, it’s rumored that a teary-eyed Count Chocula was seen leaving a meeting with Human Resources.

A new Boston University study concludes that young athletes who play tackle football before age 12 have more behavioral and cognitive problems later in life.  Pee Wee Football organizers responded to the study by introducing the Sippy Cup Concussion Protocol during league play.

President Trump met with Jordan’s King Abdullah II; Melania Trump dropped in at the end to share her resume & portfolio for any openings in the King’s harem.

United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley said that Trump referring to Kim Jong Un as ‘Rocket Man’ in his U.N. speech “worked” — because other ambassadors who spoke to her later used the ‘Rocket Man’ nickname. Haley added it worked just like the time when she called a junior high rival ‘fat ass’ and the other girls started saying it.

A professor at the University of Munich claims that interference in the upcoming German Presidential Election is coming not from Russia, but from U.S.-based right wing groups. As evidence, the professor produced Facebook ads featuring Pepe the German Frog.

Amazon is reportedly developing Alexa-enabled “smart glasses” that users can wear to engage the voice assistant while out & about. Amazon’s next step is conducting a field trial with nearsighted homeless people who already walk around talking to their glasses.

Mindy Kaling shared photos with Entertainment Tonight on her last day of shooting Hulu sitcom ‘The Mindy Project’. The photos are expected to be seen by a hundred times more people than have ever seen or heard of The Mindy Project.