By |

New research finds getting angry for just 8 minutes can raise the risk of heart attack and stroke. Doctors advise using relaxation techniques, or training to beat people up in 7 minutes or less.

A Pro-Palestine protestor on the campus of Stanford University was pictured wearing a Hamas headband. Even more disturbing was the protestor saying he bought the headband at Fanatics.

Women are reporting sagging ‘Ozempic breasts’ due to loss of fatty tissue as they drop weight. They say they can’t afford restorative implants because of Ozempic’s cost, so they’re turning to padded bras and the McDonald’s Dollar Menu.

TikTok and Universal Music Group agreed to an increased royalty payment structure, so now music from Universal artists like Ariana Grande and Billie Eilish can play while you attempt the newest deadly viral challenge.

The U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency plans to declassify marijuana as a less-dangerous Schedule III narcotic, thereby opening up legal interstate sales of it, and the inevitable Amazon Basics Weed.

Nose-pickers are more likely to incur serious staph infections. And are also more likely to lie about how they got a staph infection.

Red Lobster is reportedly on the verge of Chapter 11 bankruptcy, owing to ongoing losses from a popular Endless Shrimp promotion, and low demand for its Endless Mixed Vegetables promotion.

The judge in Donald Trump’s hush-money trial is holding another gag order hearing. He’s considering issuing a Talk All You Want About Anything Order, in hopes that Trump will violate that and shut up for once.

Viral video of a Miami-area bowling alley brawl shows one woman throwing bowling balls at another woman and hitting her in the head. There haven’t been this many Miami women getting hit with balls since Diddy’s last mansion party.

The executor of O.J. Simpson’s estate invited the families of murder victims Nicole Brown & Ronald Goldman to a meeting. He wouldn’t reveal any planned compensation to the families, but he did ask them if they needed golf clubs or football cards.

By |

A man was stoned to death by monkeys in India. The man’s family was upset, but said he probably shouldn’t have been stealing bananas.

Conjoined twin Abby Hensel of TLC reality show Abby & Brittany revealed she’s been married to a man since 2021. The news remained private for three years because Brittany was furious at not being Maid of Honor.

Frequent fliers shared their tips on the best seats to book. The consensus favorite is a window seat over the wings for uninterrupted rest and mitigating the feel of turbulence. The second favorite is any seat not on a Spirit-or-Frontier-owned Boeing.

A cholesterol-lowering supplement containing red mold sold in Japan killed two people and sickened 100 others. Their cholesterol may not be lower but they all lost weight.

Authorities revealed what they seized in raids of Diddy’s homes – including firearms and computers. Unfortunately they didn’t find any new hit songs.

Investigators are examining flight logs for Diddy’s private jets as part of their sex-trafficking investigation. They aren’t saying what destinations they’ve found so far, only that one of them rhymes with Schlepsteens Smilind.

Workers at video game giant Sega of America agreed to unionize. High scores will be tougher to come by since Sonic The Hedgehog now gets two 10-minute breaks every hour.

The City of Philadelphia is cracking down on people who illegally park their cars on sidewalks and in front of curb ramps. The Parking Authority is hiring 30 new officers to issue tickets and pull pedestrians out from under cars.

Independent Robert F. Kennedy Jr. picked Nicole Shanahan as his vice presidential running mate. Shanahan is a little-known Silicon Valley attorney and entrepreneur, who will be even littler-known in mid-November.

A new report created in the wake of child actor abuse documentary ‘Quiet On Set’ claims Nickelodeon network hired or employed 5 abusers and pedophiles. The report’s authors say their work won’t be complete until they finish interviews with all of the Rugrats.

By |

The famous floating door prop from James Cameron’s ‘Titanic‘ was purchased at auction for $718,000. (Kate Winslet sold separately.)

Donald Trump is selling bibles for $60. They’re better than old bibles because they contain multiple stories about the miracle that he’s not in jail.

Some couples are choosing in vitro fertilization, or IVF, as a first option to conceive a baby, since they say want a family, but it’s worth the $24,000 not to see their spouse naked.

A shipment of 3.7 tons of cocaine valued at $113 million was intercepted after a high-speed boat chase off the Colombian coast. It’s the largest volume of cocaine seized by law enforcement this year, beating the record set Monday when cops raided Diddy’s houses.

A former Syracuse University basketball player, Brendan Paul, was arrested and charged at a Florida airport with being a ‘drug mule’ for Diddy. Paul faces multiple traveling violations.

University of Colorado researchers say they’ve found a link between arthritis and tryptophan. The study followed older turkeys who walked with a cane.

Taylor Swift was photographed wearing a thong bikini on a romantic Bahamas getaway with Travis Kelce. Paparazzi didn’t want to say she has a flat butt, but also said it looked like someone tried patching a crack in a white wall with yellow spandex.

A British woman arrived at a vet’s office with what she claimed was a sick baby hedgehog, only to be informed it was the detached pom-pom from a fur hat. The vets were unable to save the baby hedgehog they found on top of the woman’s head.

Nicki Minaj experienced a wardrobe malfunction during her Orlando concert when her dress came undone and exposed her breasts — shocking bettors who’d wagered big money that the back of the dress would fail first.

An Atlanta resident called Magnet Man pulls a powerful magnet on his bicycle in order to pick up metal screws, nails & other pieces causing flat tires. He says he’s picked up 450 pounds of metal so far, and apologized to the people in wheelchairs he’s dragged for several blocks.

By |

Homeland Security raided the homes of music mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs as part of an alleged sex trafficking investigation. No further details were given, but the Feds are calling this a Biggie.

Combs’ houses in Miami & Los Angeles were raided, so let it be known Diddy was doing his part bring both East Coast & West Coast rappers together.

The grandmother of two of the ‘Little Rascals’ robbers – aged 11 & 12 – who held up a Wells Fargo Bank in Houston said the teller gave them play money. Nonetheless, the two boys were apprehended at a playground as they ‘made it rain’ while young girls danced on the monkey bars.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce reportedly shut down a Los Angeles gym for a two-hour private workout while members waited and watched outside. As they left, women shouted at Taylor for autographs, and men shouted corrections to her lifting form.

Krispy Kreme is expanding its partnership with McDonald’s and will be sold at all locations by the end of 2026. Customers ordering a Quarter Pounder will be asked if they want the burger or a really big doughnut.

A court lowered Donald Trump’s bond requirement to appeal his financial fraud judgment from $454 million to $175 million, and gave him 10 days to come up with the money. Trump then invited friends from North Korea, Russia & China to Mar a Lago for a Classified Documents Garage Sale.

A container ship struck and collapsed the Francis Scott Key Bridge outside of Baltimore. Viral video showed the action between 1 and 2 a.m., and gave proof through the night that the bridge was not there.

Arnold Schwarzenegger got a pacemaker. His blood is so heavy, his heart needed help pumping all the iron.

The U.S. Justice Department sued Apple, saying its market share of iPhones is a practical monopoly. Apple plans to drop a countersuit, then pay a fortune to fix the cracks in it.

Former NFL star Eric Decker – husband of viral singer/celebrity Jessie James Decker – announced he’d had a vasectomy after fathering four children. Future babies are not expected to make this latest round of cuts.

By |

Spirits maker Diageo and ‘Diddy’ ended their partnership after he accused them of marketing his Ciroc vodka and DeLeon tequila as “urban” brands. Diageo denied the claims, then shared a recipe mixing Ciroc & Colt 45 malt liquor as a ‘Diddypolitan’.

Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce reportedly said “f… my life!” every time the team ran their famous ‘tush push’ short-yardage play. Quarterback Chase Young of the 2-15 Carolina Panthers said it before every play and practice.

A woman named Samantha Hart claims that her employer changes their email address protocol of first initial/last name to avoid the accidentally vulgar ‘shart@…’ prefix. She requested they just add a number so it’s ‘shart#2@…’

People with index fingers shorter than their ring fingers are more likely to be psychopaths. Just ask them to let go of the knife before you get a good look at their hands.

Kate, Princess of Wales, is expected to be hospitalized up to two weeks following abdominal surgery to remove several of the late Queen Elizabeth II’s famous scones that have been stuck there for years.

Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai warned staff that more layoffs are coming. It’s so bad, Google AI bots are sending out resumes.

Kanye West reportedly spent $850,000 to have his teeth removed and replaced with titanium dentures. He then paid Procter & Gamble $1 million to develop mint-flavored Dawn dish detergent so he could brush them.

3M began issuing payments after losing a $6 billion judgment over its combat earplugs not working. Injured soldiers would be happy to hear this news if they could.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that head coach Mike McCarthy would return next season, despite the team’s blowout playoff loss to Green Bay. Asked to explain his decision, Jones stated “Belichick said no.”

A passenger on a budget airline was stuck in the jet’s bathroom for the duration of a flight because the lock broke. The passenger received an apology from the crew, but the passengers in the last rows next to the bathroom were the ones who really suffered.

By |

Tiffany Haddish was arrested for her second DUI in as many years, both times falling asleep behind the wheel of her vehicle. She’s thinking of either entering rehab, or getting a Tesla that can drunk-drive itself.

For the third time, Diddy was sued by a woman alleging sexual assault and physical abuse – once again leaving fans to wonder Diddy? or Diddny? If this keeps up, he’s considering another name change to Diddn’t.

Wildlife officials warn that feral Canadian “super pigs” are threatening to migrate to the U.S. You’ll know them by their unique “Oonk”.

Life At Sea Cruises canceled their planned 3-year global voyage after admitting to ticketholders that they don’t have a boat. Despite issuing refunds, they’re facing lawsuits from passengers who rented out their homes, and adult children who thought they wouldn’t have to see their parents for three years.

Former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin was stabbed in a federal prison in Tucson the day after Thanksgiving. In other news, the inmate store posted record sales of shanks during their Black Friday Cellbuster Deal Day.

Pope Francis cancelled his planned Thanksgiving activities after being briefly hospitalized with the flu – but gave thanks that he caught the flu from some cute young altar boys.

Elon Musk’s Neuralink brain chip implant company raised $43 million in funding, after he told other billionaires with chips implanted in their brains to give him $43 million.

Black Friday shoppers were evacuated from the American Dream Mall in New Jersey, following a bomb scare by someone threatening to turn it in to the Iraqi Dream Mall.

Taylor Swift posed for a photo with five family members of Ana Clara Benevides, who died of heat exhaustion & cardiac arrest at her concert in Brazil a week earlier. Her funeral is postponed after the family blew $2,000 each on concert tickets.

The NBA is investigating claims that Oklahoma Thunder guard Josh Giddey had an inappropriate relationship with a minor. In the meantime, Giddey will continue to play, and the young woman will enter the NBA’s Development Program for Groupies.

By |

The NFL agreed to changes in its Concussion Protocol, but assured fans that their Playing With Other Broken Body Parts Protocol remains the same.

Disney Paris is closing down the ‘Snow White’ attraction indefinitely, leading to unfair labor practice lawsuits from seven plaintiffs.

Former Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke and two other men received the Nobel Prize in Economics for their work in the banking industry during financial crises. Then they spent their prize money on lottery tickets.

A group of boys selling candy bars in a Hooters parking lot were asked to stop by the manager, so the boys assaulted him and broke his arm. The manager said he was fine with them selling candy, but wanted them to change out of their orange booty shorts.

Multiple participants were injured jumping into a pit of foam rubber cubes at video-streaming conference TwitchCon. One woman stated she broke her back in two places and couldn’t stop Twitching.

Apple’s new ‘crash detection’ feature for iPhone 14 and Apple Watch is mistakenly calling 911 when people ride roller coasters. A theme park visitor wearing an Apple Watch called 911 fifty times between rides on roller coasters and the bumper cars.

Kanye West’s antisemitic posts were removed by Twitter and Instagram; he’d accused Diddy of being controlled by Jewish people. In other news, Kanye cleared 3 million followers within 15 minutes of his debut on Truth Social.

During the New York Mets season-ending loss to the San Diego Padres, Mets manager Buck Showalter had Padres pitcher Joe Musgrove searched for foreign substances. Umpires found no slippery or sticky substances, just a switchblade and a flask of bourbon, and Musgrove was allowed to continue.

A Massachusetts high school football coach quit mid-season with his team 3-3, because of vulgar, abusive behavior from players’ parents. The parents said they were just warming up for when they start yelling at the hockey coach in a couple months.

An elderly female at a Cartagena, Colombia nursing home suffered a heart attack during a “stripper party” where exotic dancers entertained the residents. Someone performed chest compressions on the woman, then shoved 100 pesos in her bra.