The NFL agreed to changes in its Concussion Protocol, but assured fans that their Playing With Other Broken Body Parts Protocol remains the same.

Disney Paris is closing down the ‘Snow White’ attraction indefinitely, leading to unfair labor practice lawsuits from seven plaintiffs.

Former Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke and two other men received the Nobel Prize in Economics for their work in the banking industry during financial crises. Then they spent their prize money on lottery tickets.

A group of boys selling candy bars in a Hooters parking lot were asked to stop by the manager, so the boys assaulted him and broke his arm. The manager said he was fine with them selling candy, but wanted them to change out of their orange booty shorts.

Multiple participants were injured jumping into a pit of foam rubber cubes at video-streaming conference TwitchCon. One woman stated she broke her back in two places and couldn’t stop Twitching.

Apple’s new ‘crash detection’ feature for iPhone 14 and Apple Watch is mistakenly calling 911 when people ride roller coasters. A theme park visitor wearing an Apple Watch called 911 fifty times between rides on roller coasters and the bumper cars.

Kanye West’s antisemitic posts were removed by Twitter and Instagram; he’d accused Diddy of being controlled by Jewish people. In other news, Kanye cleared 3 million followers within 15 minutes of his debut on Truth Social.

During the New York Mets season-ending loss to the San Diego Padres, Mets manager Buck Showalter had Padres pitcher Joe Musgrove searched for foreign substances. Umpires found no slippery or sticky substances, just a switchblade and a flask of bourbon, and Musgrove was allowed to continue.

A Massachusetts high school football coach quit mid-season with his team 3-3, because of vulgar, abusive behavior from players’ parents. The parents said they were just warming up for when they start yelling at the hockey coach in a couple months.

An elderly female at a Cartagena, Colombia nursing home suffered a heart attack during a “stripper party” where exotic dancers entertained the residents. Someone performed chest compressions on the woman, then shoved 100 pesos in her bra.

Hurricane Michael roared into the Florida Panhandle as a Category 4 storm. The official death toll stands at two persons, but some worry that will rise as they reach more remote areas. On the bright side, the storm closed 18 Waffle Houses so officials said that’ll save some lives.

Kylie Jenner revealed she’s using lip fillers again. “Wait, let’s hear more about this!” said a family whose home was destroyed by Hurricane Michael.

In a study published in Scientific Reports, scientists in Spain developed a self-replicating form of quantum artificial life. Other scientists dismissed the report when they found the self-replication of a new life was just turning Super Mario into Mini Mario.

Owner of the NFL’s Jacksonville Jaguars, Shad Khan, is said to be exploring the tax implication of playing home games in London, but keeping the team based in Jacksonville. He’s also said to be exploring the implications of retraining football hooligans to become American football hooligans.

Audiophiles have a new “listening bar” in London called Moonglow. The café will be equipped with high-end sound for visitors to enjoy music while they sip coffee and drinks in between pummeling writers who wreck the vibe by clicking on their laptop.

CNN host Don Lemon is being called racist for his statement that rapper Kanye West is “the token negro of the Trump administration.” Lemon’s supporters, however, countered that there’s been a staff opening ever since Omarosa’s departure.

City Works Eatery & Pour House, a gigantic sports bar, is opening at Disney Springs at Orlando, Florida’s Walt Disney World Resort. The bar will feature over 80 beers on tap, and a special team of bouncers assigned to keep Snow White, Ariel & the other Princesses from being harassed.

The U.S. Postal Service is proposing its largest rate hike since 1991, taking the price of a Forever stamp to 55 cents. A spokesperson said the rate hike is due to Forever seeming a lot longer since the Trump administration started.

Former UFC and current WWE star Ronda Rousey called fellow wrestlers Nikki & Brie Bella “a bunch of untrustworthy bitches”.  Rousey defends her title against Nikki in the WWE Evolution all-women pay-per-view event – a series of all-female battles with fixed outcomes bought by horny male losers striking a huge victory for feminism.

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts has reportedly ordered a new investigation into Brett Kavanaugh. The investigation stems from Roberts’ butthurt omission from getting free Washington Nationals tickets that Kavanaugh reportedly incurred a six-figure debt to purchase.