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Cameo introduced Cameo Live, where, for a fee, you can have a 10-minute call with a celebrity. Bill collectors are happy to have a new way to get in touch with Vanilla Ice.

Grossinger’s Catskill Resort Hotel, which inspired the fictional Kellerman’s in Dirty Dancing, was destroyed by fire. Comedian Rich Little is still scheduled to appear.

Three inmates were charged with the murder of notorious gangster Whitey Bulger in a West Virginia prison in 2018. Investigators took four years because all three would be facing their fifth life sentence.

A Motley Crue fan was injured after falling from the upper deck of Indianapolis’ Lucas Oil Stadium during the band’s Stadium Tour concert. Calls for medical assistance were answered by a Dr. Feelgood, but it turns out he was just there to sell drugs.

January 6th rioter Riley Williams, who stole Nancy Pelosi’s laptop, was granted a request to attend the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair on Sunday while she’s on house arrest. The Queen of the Faire hired additional guards to prevent an overthrow.

SoulCycle is closing 20 studios across the U.S., angering instructors. Executives dismissed their complaints, saying finding a new job is just like riding a bike.

A 21-year-old restaurant server posted a TikTok video saying she puts her hair in pigtails because doing so means she gets bigger tips. She also needs them to drape over her bare nipples.

Video of Finland’s married Prime Minister Sanna Marin dancing with a ‘mystery man’ at a club has residents calling for an explanation and saying her marriage may be Finnished.

A mob ransacked a California 7-Eleven after frightened employees fled the store. Looters stole cigarettes, drinks, lottery tickets and other items. Although police managed to arrest the ones who stuck around too long microwaving stolen burritos.

Women are reportedly diagnosing themselves with ADHD after watching Tik Tok videos. Or, watching parts of videos because they don’t have the attention span to finish.

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James Pfaus, a researcher writing in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, identified the three types of female orgasms, which he calls a ‘wave’; an ‘avalanche’; and a ‘volcano’. His female lab assistant claims that there’s a fourth: the ‘real one’.

Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman shared a back-to-school photo of her octuplets starting eighth grade. They’re hoping this is the year they learn about birth control in health class.

Disney Plus reportedly banned an episode of popular Australian animated kids show ‘Bluey‘ because it depicted dog characters farting. Disney Plus execs also deleted a farting scene showing severe concussions to co-workers of She-Hulk: Attorney At Law.

New Zealand police are investigating after children’s remains were found in suitcases purchased at an online auction. The suitcases also contained a note written by an adult excited about saving money on airfare for a family trip to Hawaii.

Mariah Carey filed documents with the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office to own the title ‘Queen Of Christmas’. Opponents are demanding a public hearing, mainly to see if Mrs. Claus shows up.

Kanye West angrily defended his Yeezy clothing collaboration with Gap, which requires shoppers to go through bags on the floor stuffed with the clothes to find their size. West said it’s the only way to ensure women bend over while shopping.

A new study finds podcast listening among Latino Americans has slowed post-pandemic, with many disappointed in the lack of Spanish-language content. In other news, Spotify announced the premiere of the Senor Jose Rogano Experiencia.

Famous basketball announcer Dick Vitale announced that he’s now cancer-free; although in true Vitale fashion it took him five minutes of non-stop talking to say so.

Four teenagers were shot at a birthday party in North Philadelphia. They told investigators they began to worry when the pinata broke open and bullets fell out.

Two men died in Florida after eating oysters tainted with vibrio bacteria. Said the restaurant owner: “shucks”.

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American Airlines plans to buy 20 supersonic jets. Travelers will soon experience what it’s like to have their flight cancelled at the speed of sound.

Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz, who faces allegations of paid sex with underage women, will host a high school event for students interested in service academies. Gaetz looks forward helping teen girls enlist as privates in addition to seeing theirs.

The FBI returned Donald Trump’s three passports taken in their raid on Mar-a-Lago. Trump is now relieved that he can travel to Florida from New Jersey.

Los Angeles homeowners are removing their grass lawns amidst the long-term drought in California. Confused landscapers face lawsuits for mowing rock gardens and cactus.

Plastic surgery on vaginas has doubled in the last year as tight workout wear like leggings and yoga pants become more popular. Women are urged to find licensed plastic surgeons to do the work and refuse the free consultations offered by guys at Planet Fitness.

Tik Tok will not allow influencers to post paid political endorsements in advance of the upcoming November elections – disappointing users who were waiting to see who their favorite dancing granny was voting for before filling out their mail-in ballot.

Joe Rogan said that a show he did on Block Island was the most “stupefyingly drunk’ audience he’s had in his life. Because he can’t see who’s listening to his podcast.

Pathologists are raising concerns about the link between oral sex and cancers of the throat and tonsils. They’re also concerned about people trying to prevent it and choking to death putting a condom on their tonsils.

Dodge will discontinue its Challenger and Charger muscle cars after 2023. They’ve announced a special dealer allocation process to see who will get the ones left over after most are driven off cliffs by Dom Toretto in the next Fast And Furious movie.

Fuller House actress Jodie Sweetin said she ‘felt the presence’ of late actor Bob Saget on her wedding day. It was because he was there at her three weddings before he died, not her fourth marriage after.

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Sarah Palin is entered in today’s special election in Alaska. Palin admits that she doesn’t understand the state’s new ranked-choice voting system, but hopes for enough support to make it to the Hollywood rounds of American Idol.

The Flash star Ezra Miller apologized for his recent behavior, including an arrest for felony burglary and assault allegations. Miller claims to be dealing with complex mental health issues and entered treatment, which he expects to complete in a fraction of a second.

An 88-year-old South Carolina woman living in a gated senior living community died after falling in to a pond. Unfortunately for her, the pond was a senior living community for alligators.

Christopher Lowe, director of the Shark Lab at Cal State Long Beach said “swimmers are bitten, but rarely consumed [by sharks] – proving humans are not on their menu”. That, or sharks just prefer a lower-fat diet.

The U.S. Government cancelled $3.6 billion in student loan debt accrued by former students of the now-defunct ITT Technical Institute. Average credit scores soared 20 points for Burger King employees.

A metal object from an aircraft fell from the sky and landed near the Maine State Capitol. It was identified based on writing scribbled on a piece of duct tape reading ‘Property Of Spirit Airlines’.

The World Health Organization is holding an open forum to rename monkeypox because of concerns the current name is derogatory or have racist connotations. Newly suggested names are Washington Virus Team and Cleveland Guardians.

A dog contracted monkeypox in the first known human-to-pet transmission. The dog reportedly slept in a bed with two infected men; the dog insists it slept-slept, not the other thing.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences apologized to Native American Sacheen Littlefeather for abuse she endured when appearing to refuse Marlon Brando’s 1973 Oscar for The Godfather on his behalf. Then they screwed up again when the apology included a peace pipe.

Tiger Woods is flying to Wilmington Delaware, site of the PGA Tour’s BMW Championship, to strategize how the PGA should handle player defections to the Saudi-backed LIV Tour. The visit was confirmed by a memo distributed to Wilmington-area hostesses at Perkins and TGI Fridays restaurants.

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Shanghai IKEA was shut down by Chinese authorities as a COVID case was traced to the store. Shoppers rushed to the exits, which only took them 45 minutes to find.

Spider-Man actor Tom Holland is taking a social media break for the sake of his mental health. Holland said he deleted Instagram and Twitter, but can’t leave the Web altogether.

Starbucks is asking the National Labor Relations Board to void mail-in ballots for an upcoming vote to unionize by Kansas City area workers. Similarly, workers asked the NLRB not to allow Starbucks to make workers cast ballots on voting machines in the restrooms.

Polio virus was detected in New York City’s sewage system – along with several paralyzed alligators.

India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi promised to make India a ‘developed country’ in the next 25 years. And to maybe have drinkable water in the next 125 years.

Georgia U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene said white men are the most persecuted identity in America, and they turn to porn and video games because they have no other opportunities. “See Mom, SHE gets it!” said Georgia 30-year-olds living in their parents basement.

Child development experts say toddler tantrums can be solved with ‘The 10 Minute Miracle’ – giving your child 10 minutes of undivided attention. They say in many cases it won’t even take 10 minutes, because you can strangle them in about 2.

The 100th Anniversary of the ice-cream bar is being commemorated by the Tipsy Scoop company with a Dive Bar – infused with Miller High Life beer, tobacco smoke and peanuts. Like real-life dive bars, you’ll kick it out and tell it never to come back.

A Texas pedophile died when he drank a mystery liquid as a jury found him guilty of sexual assault. In other news, a recall notice has been issued for Mountain Dew Convicted Pedophile Blast soda.

A Child Protective Services worker in Texas was fired for telling a 14-year-old girl who threatened to run away from home that she could become a prostitute. The worker said she made a mistake, she thought the girl was 16.

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A tractor trailer carrying Bud Light overturned on a Kentucky highway, with thousands of cans of beer tossed on to the shoulder. Wildlife officials upgraded warnings about rabid raccoons to rabid and intoxicated.

90s rock festival Flannel Nation was cancelled after several bands who’d scheduled appearances – including Everclear, Candlebox, & Filter – withdrew. “Where is everybody?” asked Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath, who showed up.

Arnaud Jerald, a French free diver, broke the world record for an equipment-free deep dive by descending 393 feet, holding his breath for 3 minutes & 34 seconds. Jerald attributed his success to waiting a half-hour after his lunch before entering the water.

Pew Research Group claims in a new study that only 32% of teens aged 13-17 use Facebook. Moms of the other 68% remain angry their kids never Like their hilarious cat memes.

A Trump supporter was gunned down by police in an Ohio cornfield during a standoff after attempting to enter the Cincinnati FBI office with an assault rifle. Americans agree this was more exciting cornfield action than the Field Of Dreams game.

Scientists studied the intestinal contractions of the bare-nosed wombat and now understand why their poop is shaped like a cube – so they can build really terrible places to live.

A rollercoaster crash at Legoland in Germany injured at least 34 people. First responders said the hardest part was separating the injured riders from the pegs in their buttocks holding them in place.

A hologram of the late Harry Caray sang ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ at the Field Of Dreams game. Overlooked was the revelation that someone finally figured out how to get a hologram drunk.

Reports state the FBI searched Mar-a-Lago looking for classified documents related to nuclear secrets. Trump denied having nuclear documents, saying if he did, he’d have radiation poisoning by now!

Johnson & Johnson will stop selling talcum-based baby powder in 2023. Crayola announced the introduction of sidewalk chalk baby powder in 2024.

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Gregory Foster of San Diego, California broke his own world record by eating 17 Bhut Jolokia ‘ghost’ chili peppers in one minute. For the second time, Foster was added to the national waiting list for rectum transplant recipients.

Elon Musk sold nearly 8 million shares of Tesla stock, collecting $6.9 billion by doing so. Musk will use the money to buy up all the pictures of his pale doughy body on that yacht.

Donald Trump took the Fifth Amendment to all questions asked at a deposition as he faces charges for fraudulent asset valuations. He wanted to take the Sixth Amendment because it’s an even bigger amendment.

A Michigan man who built his own fiber-to-home internet service because he couldn’t get good service from Comcast or AT&T is expanding it with a government grant. He says his biggest challenge is finding time, since he spends hours each day answering customer service calls from his wife and kids.

Coke introduced its latest Coca-Cola Creations limited-time flavor, called ‘Dreamworld’, which the company says is ‘inspired by dreams’. Specifically, you close your eyes and dream that the drink isn’t ruining your teeth and waistline.

A Beluga whale that was stuck in the France’s Seine River for more than a week died while in transit to the sea. Critics say it was a bad idea transferring the whale via Megabus.

More than a dozen tech companies – including Amazon, IBM, & Cloudflare – are developing a new open standard for sharing information to prevent cyberattacks. The cost will be offset once an anonymous Nigerian prince collects his inheritance.

Uma Pemmaraju, an Indian-born woman who was one of the first Fox News Channel anchors, died at age 64. Pemmaraju was considered a Fox News pioneer for getting a job there without being blonde.

Polyfluoroalkyls or ‘PFA’s – the ‘forever’ chemicals used in nonstick cookware – are definitively linked to liver cancer. Although scientists say your spouse’s meatloaf isn’t helping either.

Retired NFL running back Marshawn Lynch was arrested for DUI in Las Vegas. His car had one flat tire and another tire totally missing. Asked if his endorsement contract is at risk, a Subway spokesperson said “we’ve had worse”.

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A Southwest Airlines flight attendant suffered a broken back after a hard landing on a flight to California. She fell off the sink while in the lavatory with a copilot.

A police lieutenant in a Philadelphia suburb is accused of providing answers for an oral exam to a prospective police cadet. The lieutenant denies it, and adds the answers aren’t hard, including “shoot the guy”; “where’s my bribe?” and “jelly donuts”.

The Wall Street Journal reports that the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago was prompted by a confidential informant, known only as Deep Slovenian Throat.

Disney+ is raising its monthly rates for ad-free content, despite an injunction filed to halt it from She-Hulk Attorney At Law.

Major League Baseball – whose rules prohibit in-game use of electronics – is investigating Pittsburgh Pirates second baseman Rodolfo Castro, whose cellphone fell out of his pocket as he slid into third base. The Tinder match on Castro’s screen also asked when he’d be sliding into third base.

Kevin Federline said his two sons with Britney Spears are choosing not to spend time with her because of her steady stream of nude Instagram photos. They prefer to stay with Federline, confident that they, along with everyone else, will never see him nude.

After 10 years off store shelves, General Mills is reintroducing Count Chocula, Frankenberry & Boo Berry – the Monsters Of Childhood Obesity.

Moderna’s CEO said he expects their COVID vaccine to evolve “like an iPhone”. Meaning old people will get a new one every six years.

Marguerite Koller, 99, of Blue Bell, Pennsylvania recently celebrated the arrival of her 100th great-grandchild. Unfortunately, Koller’s right hand is now paralyzed from writing so many five-dollar checks for birthday cards.

Investigators determined a foul stench in Paulsboro, New Jersey was from a truck releasing fumes from a fuel additive. They can now turn their attention to the foul stench of sunbathers along the Jersey Shore.

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The FBI raided Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate searching for classified documents. No word on what they took, but so far the biggest revelation is agents walked in on Pete Davidson banging Melania.

Toyota is offering to buy back its BZ4X electric SUV because the wheels can fall off. It’s the first known case of defective truck nuts.

Serena Williams announced she’s “evolving away from tennis” after the U.S. Open – leading to sighs of relief from line judges who can now call foot faults without being threatened with a ball being rammed down their throat.

North Korea is destroying properties at the Mount Kumgang resort area bordering South Korea. It’s hard to believe, but Trip Advisor reviews for North Korea vacations are getting even worse.

A Texas church was issued a cease-and-desist order for staging an unauthorized production of ‘Hamilton’, with lyrics changed to Bible references, and a sermon comparing homosexuality to drug addiction. After rewrites, the church plans to premiere ‘Jesus Hamilton Superstar’.

Ezra Miller, star of upcoming DC Films movie ‘The Flash’, was arrested on felony burglary charges in Vermont. An emergency meeting will be held to discuss Flash’s removal as an honorary member of the Super Friends.

Tom Cruise will reportedly star in an upcoming song-and-dance musical, working title Mission Im-Paso Doble.

China has identified a new, potentially lethal, virus within its borders, the Langya Henipavirus. To distinguish it from influenza and coronavirus, they’re simply calling it the Number 3.

Singer & actress Olivia Newton John passed away following a lenghty battle with cancer. Flags were lowered to half-staff in her native Australia, and at Rydell High.

An Ohio-based team set the world record for Fastest Monster Truck when their Jeep Gladiator topped out at 101.84mph, before running out of gas after 1/10th of a mile.

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A fourth body was found in Lake Mead near Las Vegas as water levels recede due to drought conditions. Meanwhile, casino oddsmakers raised the over/under on Lake Mead corpses to six.

A 7-year-old boy with cerebral palsy took the field at the New York Jets Green & White open practice and scored a touchdown. Head Coach Robert Saleh announced he made the final roster and will play special teams.

The Cincinnati Reds (44-63) and Chicago Cubs (43-64) play Thursday in Major League Baseball’s annual ‘Field Of Dreams’ game in Dyersville, Iowa – where the dreams don’t include making the playoffs.

Khloe Kardashian and ex Tristan Thompson welcomed a second baby, born via surrogate. Khloe provided an egg, and Thompson’s sperm was provided by women in Milwaukee, Memphis and New Orleans that he met on a Chicago Bulls road trip.

California dermatologist Dr. Yue Yu was arrested and charged with poisoning her husband. Yu was hoping to get her own reality tv show ‘Dr. Liver Popper’.

A medical journal documented the case of a 45-year-old Mississippi woman whose orgasm caused a leak in her aorta. Doctors cited the rarity of the incident, noting that it’s usually bad sex that leaves a woman brokenhearted.

A large tree fell in Philadelphia’s Fairmount Park, injuring six people who’d gathered for the 50th reunion of West Philadelphia High School’s Class of 1972 – and validating the decision of 20 students who dropped out in 1969.

Pete Rose was criticized for saying “it was 55 years ago, babe” when replying to a female reporter’s question about statutory rape allegations with a 14-year-old girl. Rose was further criticized for adding he definitely wouldn’t have sex with the same girl now.

‘Grease‘ actor Eddie Deezen, who played nerd Eugene Felsnic in the film, was deemed mentally incompetent to stand trial on charges of burglarizing a nursing home. It’s the first time in history a judge has officially ruled ‘Deez Nuts’.

American Airlines rebooked a mom on a flight from New York to Chicago that would have required her to leave her 7-and-8-year-old sons behind in New York for two days. The mom pretended to be really, really upset about it.