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Singer Billie Eilish said she “didn’t realize people didn’t know” about her sexuality. She also didn’t realize the vast majority of people don’t care, either.

Taylor Swift watched from a suite at Lambeau Field as her boyfriend Travis Kelce’s Kansas City Chiefs lost to the Green Bay Packers. She consoled Kelce, telling him he’ll have a better show tomorrow night.

Yemen’s Houthi rebels launched drone & missile fire at Israeli commercial vessels in the Red Sea. Texts from the ship captains read “New attacks. Houthis?”

Former Trump White House official Alyssa Farah Griffin told a CNN host that she was surprised by Donald Trump’s “lack of sharpness” while giving confusing remarks at an Iowa rally. She added that Trump’s assistants have tried and failed to sneak Prevagen in to his Big Macs.

Nick Cannon – father to 12 children – said in an interview that he spends over $200,000 at Disneyland every year. He expects that number to go up with child support payments now that he’s gotten Snow White & Cinderella pregnant.

The Tucson federal prison housing Derek Chauvin said Chauvin was stabbed 22 times in last week’s incident. Officials are investigating a possible second assailant because the first guy’s arm got tired.

Spotify is cutting 17% of its staff, citing a need for cost reduction because those one-twentieth-of-one-cent per-play royalties to Taylor Swift and Beyonce are adding up.

Sylvester Stallone visited Philadelphia as December 3rd was recognized by the city as ‘Rocky Day’. Then the Eagles got blown out at home 42-19 and it was a Reeeeally Rocky Day.

Three University of Colorado assistant football coaches resigned, and Head Coach Deion Sanders’ fiancee broke off their engagement and will enter the Relationship Transfer Portal.

KISS played their final in-person concert at Madison Square Garden, but said their digital avatars will continue to perform shows for years to come. Then Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley’s digital avatars fired the virtual drummer and lead guitarist.

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Florida’s controversial ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill is expected to be signed into law by Governor Ron DeSantis. Mississippi is considering related legislation, ‘Don’t Put ‘Homosexual’ On Spelling Tests’.

Kim Kardashian said in an interview “I have the best advice for women…get your f**king ass up and work”. Kardashian was dragged on social media, but critics admit no one has gotten their ass up as much as Kim Kardashian.

Photographers captured Kourtney Kardashian kissing & grinding on top of fiance Travis Barker on a California beach. Kourtney said she was just taking her sister’s advice by getting her ass up and getting to work.

NFL Hall Of Famer Deion Sanders had two of his toes amputated. He was considering having a third toe removed so the ones remaining would be a Prime number.

Exports of Nintendo gaming consoles to Russia have been stopped, citing the thousands of deaths suffered by Mario in his war with Bowser.

Tiger Woods’ daughter Sam introduced him at his World Golf Hall Of Fame induction, saying she “inducted (him) to the Dad Hall Of Fame a long time ago.” His induction to the Husband Hall Of Fame, however, remains in doubt.

Elon Musk and partner Grimes welcomed a second child, a girl born via surrogate, Exa Dark Siderael. She and older brother X Æ A-XII, are now officially The Hardest Kids To Buy Personalized Souvenirs For At Disney World.

Courteney Cox claims she doesn’t remember the 10 years she spent on sitcom ‘Friends‘. Ironically, everyone who’s seen it is trying to forget the years she spent on ‘Cougar Town‘.

Congress’ new budget includes NASA funding for a new commercial space station in low-earth orbit. Or, as regular people will come to know it, the world’s highest Starbucks.

‘Black Panther’ director Ryan Coogler was mistakenly arrested as a suspected robber for passing a note requesting a $12,000 cash withdrawal at an Atlanta bank. Coogler was released, but vowed to close his T’Checking account at Wakanda Savings & Loan.

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NFL legend Deion Sanders said his Pro Football Hall of Fame bust looks like ‘a white dude from Upstate New York’.  “See? I told you I was a great athlete!” said white dudes from Upstate New York to their wives and girlfriends.

Taylor Swift changed the logo on her ‘Folklore’ album merchandise after the owner of a black-owned business – named ‘The Folklore’ – called her on it. Swift’s team agreed to change the logo, which now reads ‘The Thriller’.

Donald Trump tweeted a suggestion that the November election be delayed because of the coronavirus. He’s suggesting a move from the 3rd of the month to the 31st.

Sonic Drive-In unveiled its first redesigned restaurant in Tahlequah, Oklahoma, featuring a covered patio and lawn games. The grand opening was attended by a hand-selected VIP list of pre-diabetics.

Buffalo Bills defensive lineman Star Lotulelei has opted out of the upcoming NFL season. The Bills told other players they’re also free to opt out, that you don’t have to be a Star to not be in their show.

Archaeologists say they’ve discovered the likely source of Stonehenge’s giant Sarsen stones – bigger stones.

The Yaraka Hotel in the rural Australian outback banned two local emus, Kevin & Carol, because they learned to climb the stairs from the lobby to the pub, where they steal food. Kevin & Carol said they only used the stairs because the elevator was broken.

Manhattan judge Loretta Preska has agreed to delay the unsealing of depositions related to Ghislaine Maxwell’s sex life until Maxwell can file an appeal, and until the Trump Foundation’s check clears.

Despite an announced plan to move them out of the city, federal agents once again tear-gassed protesters in Portland. The agents claim they needed to use up the tear gas because there just isn’t enough room in their carry-ons for the flight home.

A Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department investigation concluded that a Starbucks employee put a cleaning cloth – not a tampon, as originally reported – in an off-duty cop’s drink. Employees at the coffee shop then resumed wiping down tables and chairs with tampons.