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Rodney Alcala, a serial murderer known as The Dating Game Killer, died in prison before he could be executed. The Wheel Of Fortune killer RE_AI_S AT LAR_E.

A woman who matched with a January 6th rioter on dating app Bumble turned him in to federal authorities. She wanted to meet at a coffee shop, he wanted to break into her house with dozens of his friends.

Doctors, nurses and other medical workers are demanding that all health care professionals get COVID-19 vaccines, except for maybe hospice caregivers because, well, you know..

A Bucks County, Pennsylvania contractor was fined for employing minors at his roofing company. He was reported after a customer saw him carrying a worker up a ladder on his shoulders as he held a Fisher-Price toolbox.

Las Vegas Police solved a 1989 cold case murder using a record-low volume of DNA cells – determining the killer was the victim’s cousin, who died in 1996. Jury selection begins next week for the trial of the suspect’s skeleton.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards – who is allergic to beestings – was briefly hospitalized after walking into a beehive. Her costars all walked into the same hive a day later after noticing Kyle’s fuller lips.

Rapper Lizzo posted a viral TikTok video twerking while wearing popular new “booty lifting” $19 Seasum leggings from Amazon. The leggings are also popular with Amazon warehouse workers because they, too, do a lot of heavy lifting.

The NFL’s Houston Texans appear to have reversed course and may trade disgruntled QB Deshaun Watson, who’s been named in over 20 sexual assault allegations. He’s been sued so many times, the league may put up a testimony tent next to the concussion one.

NBC Universal is being torched for putting Team USA Men’s Basketball opening-round Olympic loss to France on its struggling streaming service, Peacock. A spokesman said they put it on Peacock because they didn’t want viewers to miss the air fryer infomercial on CNBC.

It’s so hot at the Tokyo Olympics, Russian tennis player Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova shoved bags of ice up her skirt during changeovers. “Uh oh” said her boyfriend.

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Record flooding struck China. Rescuers complained of not having enough floating junks to haul away floating junk.

A man kneeling atop the dugout at a Triple-A Worcester Red Sox baseball game proposed to his girlfriend. She declined and ran away. He was demoted to Double-A marriage proposals.

Phoenix Suns head coach Monty Williams visited the locker room of the victorious Milwaukee Bucks to congratulate them on their Game 6 NBA title-clinching win. And to grab a couple free bottles of champagne to drink on a date this weekend.

Hospitals used body bags filled with ice water to cool patients in heat-related distress during the recent Pacific Northwest heat wave. And when it didn’t work, it was still a real time saver.

U.S. life expectancy experienced its biggest drop since World War II, with COVID, gun violence and drug overdoses all contributing. 2020 was so bad, it actually took a year-and-a-half off everyone’s life.

The MLB Cleveland Indians are officially changing their name to the Cleveland Guardians. Team officials made the announcement so Indians gear can be shipped along with Phoenix Suns NBA Champions apparel to underdeveloped countries.

Mississippi is asking the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v Wade, and – if they wouldn’t mind while they’re at it – explain to Mississippians where babies come from.

Producers of ABC’s daytime talk show The View are reportedly looking for a “Trump Republican” to replace departing Meghan McCain. “Not me” said Melania Trump.

San Francisco is reportedly considering $20,000 tamper-proof public garbage cans. At that price, homeless scavengers may decide to stop picking trash cans and start moving in to them.

The NFL issued a memo to all teams, saying that cancellation/postponement of games caused by COVID outbreaks among unvaccinated players & staff could result in forfeiture. That, or Texas-and-Florida-based teams may end up playing each other over and over.

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Apple says they’re going ‘all in’ on 5G technology in 2022, with factories hiring thousands of fifth graders.

Jeff Bezos gifted $100 million ‘Courage & Civility’ Awards to chef Jose Andres and CNN anchor Van Jones, so they can continue charitable work. Finalists are not yet announced for the Donald Trump ‘Cowardice & Hostility’ awards, but multiple January 6th rioters are in the running.

Joe Pytka, director of the original ‘Space Jam‘ movie, said ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy” is so boring he couldn’t finish it in one sitting. It’s one of the most scathing criticisms an 82-year-old has ever leveled against a children’s cartoon.

Provincetown, Massachusetts, a popular gay-friendly Cape Cod tourist destination, is experiencing a surge in COVID cases, causing officials to require guests & residents to wear masks with mouth holes.

The Milwaukee Bucks won the NBA title, but gunfire outside their home arena in the postgame celebration sent three people to the hospital with Buckshot wounds .

A COVID-positive Indonesian man was arrested for disguising himself as his wife so he could board a domestic flight on a local airline. He was discovered by the drunken groper in the adjacent seat.

“Floating breakfast” is a growing trend in the hospitality industry; it describes breakfast served in pools or hot tubs at luxury resorts, or, at Ramada Inns, the continental breakfast dumped into the toilet.

Kanye West threw a listening party for his new album in Las Vegas, which morphed into traffic jam at the parking lot exit halfway through the listening party.

Cecil County Maryland broke ground on what will be the biggest Great Wolf Lodge, a 700-room hotel and largest indoor water park – also home to the world’s largest concentration of water-borne bacteria.

A Philadelphia bakery apologized after making a cake honoring a police officer’s service anniversary with a Philadelphia Police Department logo reading ‘Coffee Donuts Corruption’ instead of ‘Honor Integrity Service’. The cop still ate the cake along with coffee & donuts.

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A new study claims the average household has 21 disagreements every week, many of them over trivial matters such as dishes, room temperature & lighting. Households with guns tend to settle the matters faster.

McDonald’s in the U.K. is offering a Gold VIP Card as a prize in its Monopoly game, entitling the holder to a free meal each week for a year. They debated adding an Organ Donor designation to the cards to acknowledge the inevitable heart failure.

Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos’ launched and landed his Blue Origin rocket after a successful shot into space. Meanwhile, alleged billionaire Donald Trump launched and landed his pitching wedge in a pond after an unsuccessful shot on the 11th Hole.

HGTV star Tarek El Moussa launched an on-set tirade against ex-wife & costar Christina Haack during filming of Flip Or Flop, calling her a “washed-up loser”. El Moussa is diversifying beyond flipping houses, to flipping his lid.

Illinois banned police from lying to minors as part of criminal investigations. They can still lie to adults, though, so cops invite fugitives to come to the station and claim that sports car you won!

Former American Idol finalist Ron Bultongez of Texas surrendered to face charges of having sex with a minor. Bultongez is apparently unhappy that the girl sang to her parents about it.

Britney Spears is reportedly wearing a diamond ring on her left hand, signaling a possible engagement to longtime boyfriend Sam Asghari. Asghari wanted to ask for her father’s permission, but needs 6 lawyers to petition the conservatorship.

United States passports are taking up to 24 weeks to process, with a backlog of over 2 million applications. The delay is ruining the plans of thousands of Americans to contract COVID-19 in a different country.

A wellness retreat in Upstate New York offers one-hour sessions to cuddle with cows, then two-hour sessions after that to deal with the smell.

The Bootleg Wildfire in Oregon is so large, it’s creating its own weather patterns – described by meteorologists as “Warm”.

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Caitlyn Parker, 29, wed 41-year-old radio star and American Idol mentor Bobby Bones, then jumped them later that night.

Right-wing student group Turning Point USA gave ‘Adult VIP’ status to porn star Brandi Love to attend their conference, then revoked it amidst mounting pressure from conservatives. Love was there to promote her latest video, ‘Mounting Pressure’.

Three people reportedly died of carbon monoxide poisoning inside a trailer at a country music festival in Michigan. Country singers plan to memorialize the victims, just as soon as they can find a word that rhymes with ‘monoxide’.

Megan Thee Stallion is the first rapper to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s swimsuit issue. The decision was announced once the magazine found a way to make the cover an inch wider.

Ticket sales for Marvel’s ‘Black Widow’ dropped 67% in its second week, as theater owners complained that home rentals on Disney+ hurt attendance, and that they’ll have to store $10 buckets of popcorn until Xmas movie season.

New research suggests cognitively stimulating activities can delay Alzheimer’s symptoms by up to five years. As a result, researchers suggest watching Jeopardy! instead of Wheel Of Fortune.

CNN announced the launch of streaming service CNN+, so people can now angrily shut off computers & streaming devices in addition to cable boxes.

A fisherman caught and photographed a rare blue lobster, then tossed it back in the ocean so that it can hopefully get laid.

The Tokyo Olympic Village furnished athletes quarters with cardboard beds, supposedly to discourage sex. There are questions as to whether or not they’ll work, since some athletes are complaining their room smells like sweat and wet cardboard.

Disney Parks unveiled changes to its Jungle Cruise ride to eliminate racist cultural depictions. They say if visitors still want to see & hear racism, they can listen to the Trump robot in the Hall Of Presidents.

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Flip or Flop star Christina Haack finalized the property settlement in her divorce from fellow HGTV star Ant Anstead. She keeps all their houses, but he gets to keep his Ant farm.

An all-woman broadcast team will call the Tampa Bay Rays/Baltimore Orioles game, a first for Major League Baseball. Not much will be different, only viewers will have to wait a couple of days to hear what the players did wrong.

The FBI is planning to upgrade criminal background checks for gun purchases, for tighter controls on sales to individuals under 18. Buyers are encouraged to act now if they want to give gifts for Sweet 16 parties and quinceaneras.

A tv docudrama about the Sex Pistols is hitting a snag as John ‘Johnny Rotten’ Lydon wants to block use of the group’s music. Producers may have to improvise by having teenage drug addicts bang on kitchen utensils.

Chrissy Teigen mourned the death of her dog, Pippa. Before the animal died, Teigen said she apologized for years-ago tweets calling the dog a fat bitch.

New York Yankees players Aaron Judge, Gio Urshela & Kyle Higashioka all tested positive for COVID-19, forcing the postponement of Thursday’s game. After those three strikes, the Yankees were out.

Google Maps is being accused of providing “potentially fatal” hiking routes. Google said they can’t help it if someone asks for walking directions on the Cross-Bronx Expressway.

An Indian bride called police and canceled her wedding, saying she didn’t want to marry the man because he was in love with someone else. The groom admitted he was in love with the other woman, but she was a lousy cook.

Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin flight will include the youngest – 18-year-old Oliver Daemen – & oldest – 82-year-old Wally Funk – space travelers ever. Daemen said he’s limited Funk to a total of two boring stories over the duration of the trip.

Machine Gun Kelly said he had a poster of actress & current girlfriend Megan Fox in his room as a teenager. He’s glad it worked out with Fox, because he was too late for his Farrah Fawcett poster.

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Johnson & Johnson is recalling some Aveeno and Neutrogena brand sunscreens because they may contain a carcinogen. Or, as they call it, a quicker way to get skin cancer.

Top U.S. Generals believed Donald Trump was setting the stage for a January coup to remain in office. But it took them a while to realize it, because Trump kept referring to it as a “coop”.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is suing Amazon for selling faulty carbon monoxide detectors, flammable children’s pajamas, and hair dryers that could electrocute people. However, they were satisfied with the prices they paid for the items on Prime Day.

Actor Jerry O’ Connell will replace Sharon Osbourne and become the first male panelist on ‘The Talk’. He’ll face away from the camera so the female co-hosts can talk about him behind his back.

A Utah company has stopped selling a kit that encases Glock handguns in Lego bricks, after multiple people reported injuries from stepping on the guns.

In a medical first, a paralyzed man’s brain waves have been turned into sentences. Researchers only shared the second sentence he thought of, because his first thoughts were about his young female nurse.

Pittsburgh Steelers QB Dwayne Haskins lost a tooth during a fight with his wife. She was charged with felony battery and penalized 15 yards for an illegal blow to the head.

Britney Spears is allowed to hire her own lawyer, and wants to sue her father for mismanaging her conservatorship. She’s hoping to take back control of her life and money, and finally buy a unicorn.

Netflix plans to offer video games on its service within the next year, then it’ll cancel your favorite game after one level.

An 18-year-old will accompany Jeff Bezos on his Blue Origin rocket launch. His job is to repeatedly ask “Are we in space yet?”

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City of Philadelphia public schools will all have a gender neutral bathroom this fall, ensuring trans & non-binary students have a place to smoke and buy drugs.

Several matches at the recently-completed Wimbledon tennis championships are being investigated for alleged fixing – starting with the ones where players used badminton racquets.

Qanon believers are becoming increasingly prevalent in California yoga & spirituality communities – beginning and ending classes wih ‘Don Must Stay’.

A white “Karen” was recorded attacking a black woman in a Victoria’s Secret in New Jersey. She was escorted away by police after getting several of her panties in a bunch.

Conor McGregor received a six-month medical suspension, preventing him from fighting while he recovers from a broken leg. This upends McGregor’s plan to fight sooner by grabbing the leg with his arm and hitting his opponent with it.

A Cleveland hospital mistakenly transplanted a new kidney to the wrong patient. Worse, the patient can only return it for store credit instead of a refund.

Gillian Anderson will no longer wear a bra. The truth – and her nipple – is out there.

Astronomers sighted a rare teardrop-shaped star – meaning, it killed another star.

Extreme heat is killing salmon in the Sacramento River. It’s so bad, instead of trying to swim upstream to escape it, they’re booking flights.

Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman are now officially divorced. A judge signed off on the terms, including a custody arrangement where their two kids spend every other weekend in prison.

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The manager and eight employees at a Nebraska Burger King all walked out on their jobs and put ‘WE ALL QUIT’ on the large marquee sign in front of the restaurant. “Have it your way” said the owner.

Goldfish dumped in Michigan lakes are growing to over a foot in size, wreaking havoc with ecosystems. Wildlife experts don’t know how to get rid of them, since they’re too large to flush down a toilet.

The U.S. Government began issuing tax credit payments of $3,600 for children under age 6. Demand is surging for platinum rims and high-wattage stereos for tricycles.

Luxury watchmaker Tag Heuer debuted a Connected x Digital Watch featuring Super Mario that will retail for $2,150. Only 2,000 units will be sold, mostly to wealthy collectors who want to impress 10-year-olds.

Coca-Cola is changing Coke Zero Sugar to make it taste more like regular Coke Classic. They’re also considering changing the formula of Dasani Water to make it taste even more like a rusty schoolyard fountain.

Martin Lawrence’s daughter and Eddie Murphy’s son are dating, in what’s expected to bring a truly vulgar & hilarious breakup.

Cardi B gifted her daughter Kulture a diamond necklace for her 3rd birthday. Kulture then lost several baby teeth attempting to eat it.

Billionaire Melinda Gates visited New York City, with a security detail of six bodyguards and three SUVs. “Nice meeting you” said her Match.com date.

Actress Megan Fox said she visited Costa Rica and tried hallucinogen ayahuasca, saying she “went to hell for an eternity”. Fox now knows what it’s like to sit through one of her Transformers movies.

American Airlines crew duct-taped a woman to her seat after she experienced an in-flight “mental health episode” and tried to open the jet’s door. The woman said she chose American because Spirit Airlines charges $49 for the tape.

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Heat in Canada’s western provinces was so extreme, that mussels, clams and other shellfish were cooked alive on shore. Seals were given pagers to let them know when it was their turn to eat.

Statues of Confederate generals, including Robert E. Lee, were removed from Charlottesville, Virginia. They’ll be replaced with statues of other famous second-place finishers.

Recorded temperature at the Furnace Creek Visitor Center in California’s Death Valley National Park reached 130 degrees. Bears stopped in to the lodge to cool off before mauling exhausted hikers for a hot meal.

Passengers on an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Miami were ordered to place their hands on their heads for the final hour of the flight due to a reported threat. A screaming passenger was arrested, and dozens of others were treated for spilling Diet Coke into their hair & eyes.

Robert O’Neill, the Navy Seal widely credited with shooting Osama Bin Laden in the face, is seeking investors for his Armed Forces Beer Company. The beer, unlike Bin Laden, has a pretty good head on it.

The Delta Variant of COVID-19 has almost completely taken over reported cases in the U.S. It’s so prevalent, the only places you can still get original COVID are Big Lots & Ollie’s Bargain Outlet.

New York’s famed Comedy Cellar does not want Bill Cosby to perform there if he resumes standup comedy. Other clubs are taking a wait-and-see attitude to see if he meets a 10-person bringer requirement.

Music mogul & talent manager Scooter Braun is rumored to be splitting from his wife, Yael. They share three children, but it appears she may be done riding her Scooter.

A California woman is suing, claiming her NutriNinja blender severely cut three of her fingers, and that the blood changed her green smoothie to yellow.

Gypsy moths are getting a new name to remove what some consider an ethnic slur. They’ll now be know as Traveling Scam Artist moths.